Some of these will make you laugh, some will make you cry, and some will make you laugh until you cry because you realize that you texted them and your "friend" totally outed you. Thanks Bitches.
(609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
(1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
(910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise. <-- WTF?
(714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
(1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... <--That touches a bit close to home. 
(480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
(202): he's my edward cullen
(770): I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
(432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
(207): You need to stop watching Twilight.
(303): maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
(440): We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
(1-440): I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
(404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
(904): I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
(1-904): It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
(847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
(1-847): I should injure you considerably. <--Bitches was not amused because she was sitting in bible study when I sent this.
(802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight <-- Is this a bust on KStew? Say it ain't so!
(310): my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet. <-- Sorry Mommy FC
(610): Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight? <-- Me back in March
(570): No <-- Bitches answer...oh, how time and threats change things
(937): I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again. <-- Sounds like a normal Thursday night for me
(210): Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head? <-- I don't think they do that sort of stuff in Utah.
