Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

Burn it to the Ground!

So after being shut out of seeing the New Moon trailer at The Proposal last weekend, I was hopeful to see it at Harry Potter this evening. Nay, hopeful is not really what I was. I believe I may have on more than one occasion via Twitter threaten to "burn the theater to the ground" if I didn't see the New Moon trailer. A little extreme, I will admit, but how many tens of dollars do I have to shell out to see this trailer on the big screen? This isn't my first foray into threatening to burn something down. I previously wanted to burn down a Dairy Queen because every time I went there they were out of some key sundae ingredient. What key ingredients do you ask? Oh, a little thing called chocolate ice cream, another time is was chocolate sauce, and another time it was chocolate jimmies (not to be confused with rainbow sprinkles). I actually told my mom the next time we go to that Dairy Queen and they are out of something, that I would burn it to the ground. Luckily, they had every ingredient necessary to make my sundae, so they were safe that day. Okay, enough about my irate pyro ways. I did see the trailer and was happy as a clam for the rest of the movie.

Okay, so the movie. Seeing as how I haven't read the books in a couple of years and basically whatever I read pretty much drops out of my head as soon as I move onto my next book, I needed a little refresher on the Harry Potter-verse. I didn't feel I could commit to watching all of the movies this past week, so I figured I would go online and Google it. Yeah, well, instead of doing that I spent that day doing laundry, paying bills, and oh, watching a little movie called Twilight. It's called six degrees of Harry Potter okay? Totally related...I mean Rob Pattinson was in a couple of those Potter movies. Alas, it was time to meet my girlfriend (who admitted that she finally started reading Twilight this morning!) at the theater. So, not really remembering the book, I was going into this kind of blind, but I was ready to be entertained. The movie was great. But mostly I remember thinking that the people who did the makeup for the HP movie should have done the vampire makeup for Twilight. I mean, damn, don't these people look like vamps?

We're not vamps, but we are magical creatures! L to R: Draco, Snape, Tom Riddle, Harry and Hermione
And then I just started looking for random Potter stuff and happened on this action figure. Look at the craftsmanship. Does it remind you of anybody? Pocket Edward perhaps? Look at the opposable elbows, the legs that don't move, the painted on jeans, and non-removable jacket. I wonder if Harry's wang, er I mean wand (yeah, my funny referring to ming reading), detaches from his hand. Probably not. Who do you think would win? Harry does have a stand so, sure footing could be his greatest advantage (you bitches all know how tough it is to get PE to stand up on his own!).
Okay, well, I hope you all enjoyed my Harry Potter review. If you didn't and want a real one, hop on over to COD Widow's blog. If you did like it, leave me a comment! I know you lurkers are out there...why don't you just leave a little comment love? Who knows...perhaps we will become besties and I will send you a copy of the Sexy Stars of Twilight. Seriously, I did that for Mrs. V. And if you got here because you Googled jail bait...sorry!


Annie said...

I loved your "review." And I totally want my very own Pocket Harry complete with his own "wang." ;)

Call of Duty Widow said...

Action Figure Harry just needs one of those nimbus flying things (I know, so technical, right?) They totally looked like erect wangs in this movie. Totally agree about the makeup, at least there wasn't any annoying red lipstick in this movie!

And thanks for calling my review a real one. It's full of my opinions, which I guess a review is, isn't it?

Everyone come on over and leave a comment, won't ya? My sister has proclaimed she will be seeing HP6 over again, alone! Haha. She should have made the douchebag boyfriend stay home, and all would have been well!

Fire Crotch said...

@COD Widow - I can't believe I forgot to comment on the flying penises, erm, I mean, brooms. Yeah, it was pretty phallic all up in there!

Anonymous said...

I haven't read any of the HP books. I know. Shameful.. I've only seen 1 of the movies and can't even tell you which one.. **hangs head**

I often find myself threatening to burn places down. It can't be helped. Like when I went to 5 different stores trying to find the Sexy stars of twilight mag..

Why is the harry potter action dude orange? He looks like he did a really bad job applying fake tan..

Mrs. Vanquish said...

I remember you yesterday trying to do homework, watching twilight and tweet all at the same same. Apparently you also tried to do research for HP... Ok, multitask for the win; good that you are a woman!

I also liked the movie, although I started really pissed because, needless to say they didn´t show NM trailer here in Germany. How could I have ever expected that ??

For the others:
Yeah, she just did that, she didn´t know me, read my post - where I complained again about the lack of information in Germany - and she just bought "The sexy stars if Twilight" and WetRob.
I love her!!

You are just the best and you will always be my SuperSexy Twilight Hero.


cutie said...

Yep I started this comment out with a sigh. But truly the Blue Moons were telling me to do so. Oh lucky you, it's drunkcutie come to visit your blog when she should be sleep.

[random thought: I just realized I am a complete douche! Have I ever commented on a post by Bitches?! WTFUCK?!]

Well, now I am distract by this. So I shall say, of course you fucking threaten to burn things down, your freaking crotch is on fire! HELLO!?! What else would you do?

Now, I must find a post by Bitches. The to the end.

jrieggs said...

cutie has a point firecroth, of course you have a strong urge to burn things down. I never would've put it together that Rob was in some of the HP movies as Cedric, I'm completly oblivious. Thanks for bringing it all together for me!

Caring E H mom said... husband goes to see Transformers this weekend, and the fucker IM's me and mockingly laughs over his blackberry at the fact he is watching the New Moon trailer and I am home with a 2 year old who is asleep. How do you mock via know the little emoticon that rolls around laughing his ass off...

Tenacious V said...

We saw HP on Saturday, and I thought about texting you to say that there was no New Moon trailer. But then I was like, FC'll probably boycott if she knows there's no I didn't text. Sorry.

I sorta like the idea of you & Bitches being famous on the internet. Is there a such thing as BNFs in the Twilight fandom? Or is that just a Harry Potter thing?

Bitches said...

Yes, you do take great pleasure in threatening to "burn that place to the ground!" Just don't make the mistake of making that threat to the stewardess when she informs you they're all out of Diet Coke. heh. I don't take great joy in bailing peeps outta jail.

Bitches said...

@ Tenacious...does this mean you're now texting?! Last Friday when you returned my text, I was so proud, it warmed my heart!

Dizzz said...

FC, you do realize that shortly after we were in that Dairy Queen (maybe a week or two), they closed it down due to fire damage. Be careful what you wish for. LMAO!!! Although it technically did not "Burn to the Ground", it did catch on fire and burn enough to close it for a few months.

Careful peeps, my SIL has the ability not to read minds (or mings as the PE boxes read) but she can will things to catch fire, LMAO!!!!

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