Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

Happy Halloween!

Martie and Bailey wanted to show off their Halloween fashions. They weren't too happy with the last minute selections. I will probably have to take them to PetSmart to make it up to them or feed them some Peeps. Next year I think they will make a fabulous Edward and Bella!

30 Posts in 30 Days

In honor of a fragile little human's commitment to write her first original story, Colloquial, during NaNoWriMo, I am committing to writing 30 posts in 30 days . What's NaNoWriMo anyway?

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

Guess who else is participating in NaNoWriMo?
COD Widow
Honolulu Girl

I know writing 30 posts isn't really a big deal considering these ladies will all be writing 50,000 words each in 30 days and tons of other bloggers do it every day, but we haven't ever done a post a day here! I'm not promising that any of the posts will actually be good or even readable, and we will probably lose followers, but too bad. So starting November 1, brace yourselves. WeBitePrettyHard is going to have a new post every day! And don't worry, I promise we won't have Twilight news or spoilers.

And just to make this interesting, for every comment that I get on posts written during NaNoWriMo, starting November 1 12:00 AM EST through November 30 11:59 PM EST, I will donate $1 to CCFA (Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America).
This is an organization near and dear to fragile, and I hope that I get to send them a big donation*! Plus your comments will help to spur me on!

So go check out
fragile's post about her new story and make sure you comment every day on this blog in November! Tell your friends, neighbors, and that creepy guy down the hall that you have been secretly crushing on for months.

Can you guess who made this awesome banner?

* Donation maximum is $500

Mommy FC and her Jacob Love Continues

We all know that Mommy FC is Team Jacob. Last weekend you may have seen the following picture on Twitter.

Yup, that's Mommy FC holding a magazine featuring our favorite werewolf. SIL FC called me screeching about what Mommy FC had bought at the food store (not sure why we don't just call it the grocery store) and then sent me the pic above.

So this Sunday when I spoke to Mommy FC, she gave me this update.

Mommy FC: I looked for that magazine at the food store yesterday.
FC: Uh huh...are you going to start hoarding Jacob magazines?
Mommy FC: *totally ignoring previous comment* Guess what? They didn't have ANY copies left.
FC: Really, did all of the other Team Jacob moms come and buy them all?
Mommy FC: *pause* Well, I don't know, but I'm glad I got mine. They have lots of other magazines with those OTHER people on them, but none with just Jacob.
FC: *sigh* Good for you mom.

I'm starting to fear that Mommy FC's obsession is getting out of control. I'm thinking an intervention may be necessary. Have any of your friends or loved ones turned away from Edward? What have you done? Is there hope for Mommy FC or will I have to endure this Jacob love forever? Perhaps I need to introduce her to fanfic and Domward.


So the other night the TWITARDED girls tagged us in their meme. I have to say that I wasn't exactly sure what a meme was so I looked it up...not very helpful it turns out, but who cares right? I immediately texted Bitches that she had homework to do before she went on vacay with the hubster for their anniversary. For those not familiar with the meme, here were the rules and questions and we hope you enjoy our answers.

Note to Mommy FC: You really should not read this post...please stop reading now. Thanks! LOL, FC

Let's do a Meme!

So here's the deal: STY and I came up with a couple of questions for all you bloggers. If you're tagged, answer the questions and tag four other blogs. Don't forget to link back to the blog that tagged you! Let's see how many blogs we can get to participate and hopefully at the end of all this we'll know a lot more about each other. Believe it or not, we even made the questions 99% other-blog friendly! I don't think I said vagina or cock gobbling in a single question!

On your mark, get set, GO!!
1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?
2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. I can't wait to read these! (Or "Eff, Marry, Kill" if you don't have my potty mouth.)**3) What is your favorite band/type of music?
4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?
5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?
6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.
7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

Bitches' Answers:

  1. This isn't so much crazy as it is me anyway. There was once a friend who *only* wore tighty-whities *Cringe. Gag* and refused to cave into boxers despite a friend & my constant harassment & heckling. So, we procured a key from his roommate & stole every single last pair of panties he owned. Yes, even the soiled ones. Of course, we were gracious enough to leave him some replacements. Boxers. Good times.
  2. Fuck Edward senseless. Kill Bella, don't give a rats ass about her. Marry Carlisle.
  3. As lame as it sounds, I honestly don't have a favorite. I'm pretty open to all styles, however, I'm not a big country fan. Yea, not so much.
  4. My favorite movie is Love Actually. Every Christmas Eve, Mr. Bitches and I snuggle up in front of the fire with a tasty beverage and watch it. It's tradition.
  5. Yes, most of my RL family and friends know about my Twilight obsession. Some of them mock me and others are more understanding and even indulge and humor me, much to my delight.
  6. I'm actually ashamed of my number. And not for the reason you'd think. Real life has been repeatedly flogging my ass and because of it, my number has slashed drastically.
  7. I was homeschooled until eighth grade and raised in an extremely conservative Christian home. You know the crazy Mormon's with their whacked out turn of the century hair and floor length jumpers? Ok, well, we weren't that deranged, but pretty damn close. As you can all see, I've made a valiant comeback and made up for the lost years of cursing and general fuckery. The parents are beyond proud, let me tell you.

Fire Crotch's Answers (Mom, seriously, please don't read this):

  1. When I was a freshman in college, I had a little addiction to online chatting. I would stay up all hours of the day and night talking to complete strangers online (I suppose this set me up well for my Twitter addiction). Anyway, I fell in with this group of people who were meeting up in Paris to go see a Joe Satriani concert. That would be Paris, France. So, what did I do? I invited myself along and went to the concert and then ended up staying with one of the guys in Manchester for a week. Not so bad right? I survived my first pub crawl (puking midway through really helps you finish strong), ate really great Indian food, and was introduced to Black Adder. Well, the really stupid part was that I told my parents I was going to Austria with a girlfriend from school. It was a fun trip, but looking back on it...Jesus, I was fucking insane.
  2. Fuck: Alice while Jasper watches...or joins in. Marry: Jasper. Kill: Jacob (seriously, Mommy FC is out of control with her Team Jacob obsession).
  3. Favorite band would be U2. Favorite music...I listen to just about everything (including country). Right now my absolute favorite is Dizzee Rascal...British rap just makes me happy.
  4. Favorite movie is The Sound of Music. Hands down. Twilight doesn't even come close to this one.
  5. I'm pretty much out there with my family and friends about my love of Twilight. You've all seen the vacation pics, the trip to NYC, and the pics with my aunt and grandmom. The minis will even be coming to Thanksgiving. As far as blogging, I think pretty much everyone knows except for my work peeps. I don't think they could handle the truth.
  6. I spend probably between 30 and 50 hours a week doing Twilight related things. I'm including tweeting, emailing, texting, and shopping in with my blogging, fanfic reading, and Twilight watching time.
  7. You wanna know how I picked my blog alias? I have red hair and the only thing I could think of was when everyone was calling Lindsay Lohan a fire crotch. When Bitches and I were creating the blog, Mr. Bitches was in the background and was first shocked and then laughed about then name, so I figured it was a go. And FYI...the rug matches the drapes.

Okay, so here's who's it!

Super Secret Twilight Blog

The Twiangle


Straight Jacket Aimee

TDM New Moon Guest Post

I did a guest post over at The Danger Magnet for Annie's New Moon Discussion series. I summarized chapters 13-15. Don't remember what's in those chapters? Well how about some Bella angst, Edwardly growling, Jacob transforming, oh and some cliff diving. Come on over and take a gander!

Stay tuned for tomorrow night when we will be continuing Twitarded's meme. Will you be called out next?

Pimpin' Part 2

For those of you who missed Part 1 of my fanfic author interview, 1. I'm hurt because you obviously haven't been obsessively reading the blog, and 2. you can check it out here. I think you'll enjoy the rest of the interview, and if not...who cares, I enjoyed it, and that's enough for me. Hehe.

The Volturi children are a really interesting set of characters. Where did you get the idea? Can you explain them a bit for those who may not have read your fic yet?

My half-bloods started with Ivy (thus my pen name). When I read the series, I wondered to myself: what if Bella showed the balls she hinted upon in Twilight and told Edward to piss off; remaining with Jacob? Edward would, from the series, just wither away, ceasing to be our sexy beast. But what if there was someone else, someone who was human still like they desire, yet struggling with vampire issues of their own? Ivy was my “perfect pair” for Edward, however I wrote this fic to please a friend, and I was pretty sure she would not like me “giving Edward away” to another girl, so to speak. So therefore, it is Edward/Bella, and I do not intend for Ivy or Mik to interfere with their “happy ending.” I did toy with the idea of Mikhail liking Bella, but I didn’t want to give my readers heart attacks. So that idea stayed up in the air. Ivy is the ideal me and Mikhail is my freaking dreamboat (a tattooed M. Ventimiglia ~ shudders in delight ~)

For anyone who has not read “A Twisted Twilight Tale” my “half-bloods” are five half human children, half Volturi blood, making them royal in the eyes of Vampires. It pulled a bit from Breaking Dawn, because I felt that the Volturi should know that half-vampires would be possible, they have been around for eons. And what better than to have vampires with human traits, so they can blend into society? So some Volturi experimentation began with a few human women. Two passed away in childbirth (Joy’s and Maxwell’s), Mikhail’s was turned, and Lizabeth (Ivy/Spike’s mom) is still human as can be. I thought giving hard and evil Caius a human wife was poetic irony. Thus there are five half-vampires, two Caius’s (Ivy and Spencer), two Marcus’s (Mikhail and Maxwell) and one that is Aro’s (Joy).

“Excuse Me”, Spike intercedes, leaning over my chair to peruse my answer, “Why are you telling her about us? Shouldn’t we be doing that?” his spiked hair tickles my cheek as he laughs brusquely at my response about his family.

“Spike, go torture your sister. I’m writing an interview! FireCr0tch didn’t ask you to talk to her, bastard!”

Spike: My sister asked me to stop by, since you have stolen her identity, in a first name perspective. The Volturi Half-Bloods asked me to drop by, and give the true 411, per say. ~ grabs keyboard ~ evil bastard!

Spike : Hello lovelies. The name is Spencer, but you can call me Spike, kay? Miss Lane is trying to whip the computer out of my hand, but she seems to forget that I am quite fast, and much stronger than her frail and soft little hands could be. She won’t get this back until I am done.

Ivy! Stop hitting me with that ruler or I’ll show you a much more satisfying way to use it, lover. If you didn’t have the same name as my sister...

And wait until I tell my father about your poetic irony, he may clamp you in irons! Don’t tell these strangers how much he idolizes my gorgeous and angelic mother; he detests weakness on any level and it quite unmans him.

Anyway, my sister and I are the youngest of the group of half-bloods, just turned 16 this year. The trouble with being half-human is we are still aging, weird that. But I still can’t grow a fucking beard; so my aging may be slowing down some. Maxwell stopped aging at 15, so he looks like a baby, if you ask me. Girlies love the little snip though; must be the baby face he’s got going for him.

Mikhail is his older brother; the oldest of us all. As you have read, he is my sister’s stalker/lover. He’s cool, a real artist with Ink. That kid has some smoking hot ideas! But he is like a dog with a fucking bone about my sister, which makes her freaking insane! Miss “I-get-who-I-want-when-I want-them” Ivy Voltaire doesn’t do the commitment thing so well, not that I blame her. Commitments are for the birds, unless you and your lover are truly compatible. She loves the bastard, but she also loves a couple other poor-bastards who I will keep to myself. She is my sister, after all. Can’t air the dirty laundry, can we?

But I dissemble sweetlings.

We are new and improved to an extent; however there is no guarantee of anything for us. Mik can’t heal for shit; Ivy, Joy and I don’t even like the smell of blood, let alone drink that muck; Joy is a slut...

Spencer Voltaire! Give me that laptop and stop talking shit about Joy! A slut indeed! Just because the poor girl doesn’t fall over your feet drooling, you have to talk shit! Sorry about that FireCr0tch. My characters are awfully feisty at times! Anyway back to my characters.

Spike: Don't test me lover! You know what I can do to you if you piss me off. Think of your readers...

“Oh, Hush Spike! Go find your friend Mikhail to torture, please. And tell him to come keep me company later.”

Silly vampire! Sorry about that. You will not meet Maxwell or Joy yet. Please don’t listen to Spike about her, she is not a slut! She won’t give him any so he is a bitter, heartbroken vampire. Anyway, I don’t need Max or Joy for this story, so they stay in Italy where they belong for now.

Spike (Spencer) and Ivy are twins, and their mother is the only one to live (without being turned) afterwards. Ivy’s gift, which is healing, was a major part of why their mother survived the ordeal, but I didn’t actually come out and say that during this tale, I don’t think. My main thinking was since there were two of them: their strength was split in half, making her carrying them and delivering them much easier. Wait until you find out Spike’s gift, you are going to be scratching your heads asking questions... Since the stubborn bastard stole my email, I should tell you to spite his evil ass. I know you are thinking. What can he do???


I like to leave their looks to your imagination, but I did have people I kind of mirrored a couple of them after: My Mikhail resembles Milo V. from the Fergie Video, Big Girls Don’t cry. Spike is a younger version of Spike from the Buffy and The Vampire Slayer series, but his hair is blonde with whitish tips. Maxwell looks like Norman Reedus. The girls are open for interpretation (sorry I fixated on the guys too much). All the half-bloods have green eyes, and all have unique tattoos. They glow when the vampire takes over in them. The only tattoo all five have is the Volturi Crest on their back right shoulder blade. They are all sexually mischievous creatures. I love each of them, so I do get a bit upset when people don’t like them, since I love them so.

Is there going to be an off-shoot story for the Volturi kids?

I have a couple story outlines put together, I mentioned them above. Yes my characters will be in them, at least a couple of them at a time. All five will be in The Volturi Affair, which is going to be about Edward’s time living in Italy (pre-Bella). I am hesitant to write it, because I already have several readers who are adamant they only like Edward/Bella stuff. But you know me, if one person likes it, I will write it.

Ivy and Edward seem to have a special relationship, but he doesn't seem to be susceptible to her "charms." Is it because he really only has eyes for Bella or is he just faking it?

I really want to tell you... but I can’t. I think you are going to have to keep reading, because I want to torture you all with it for a bit. All I can say is he only wants Bella, and Ivy doesn’t want Edward. And I can honestly say he is not faking anything!

Please don't hate ivy. She has her own reasons for being a devious little thing. Crap I think I hear Spike coming back...

Oh Spike, go away!

Spike: Dear God! That is all you are going to tell them! HA! You call me evil!

We all have our roles to play Spike.

Spike: HA! Well I have read your chapters and I think it is all as obvious as the nose on your face!

GASP! Did he really just make fun of my nose? What an ass! And he would think it is obvious because he knows the story.

Is Bella going to open a can of whoop-ass on Edward at some point?

Bella is much more independent and has a can of whoop-ass ready to pop open; she just hasn’t had a clear enough mind to use it yet. But she did just get branded; I would be ready to spit nails, wouldn’t you? So once she gets her wits back, which WON’T be in chapter 25 btw... expect some fireworks.

Any other tid-bits that you'd like to share?

My story can be confusing at times; I try to add suspense and build doubt/excitement. I try to comment on as many of my reviewers as possible, but sometimes I just can’t tell you what my intentions are. It would ruin the surprise! I try to add little sneak peaks and extras on my blog; so peek at that if you can. Also, I check my Twitter every day, so if there is something you really want to see or know about, it is the quickest way to get my attention. I post little rants on there too, they can be funny.

I’ll add a small detail that I have not previously mentioned in ATTT. Edward was the tattoo artist who did Ivy and Spike’s tattoos, but he also did one for Mikhail. If you go back through the story, you’ll see the tattoo I refer too, not the wedding band one either. I thought perhaps the readers would put two and two together when they realized that Edward has seen Ivy in the “altogether” so he would know how to depict her accurately in Mik’s tat. Did anyone catch that small innuendo I added in that chapter by any chance?

I have to throw a quick shout out to my absolutely favorite Fan Fiction author! DurtyNelly, I LOVE YOUR WORK!!! I am so obsessed with Masen I almost wish he were real; even though my Masen would look like sexy old RPatz, and I know your does not. I don’t care, your writing is incredible and I hope you have an update soon! My Edward, who is a difficult fucker, could never take on Masen (Masen would eat him for breakfast)! For anyone who has not read Buried Among the Begonias, please do yourself a favor and check it out! She also has another story called I Love You Like Sid and Nancy, also very good writing.

Make sure to check out Ivy's fic and show her some comment love! She posted a great teaser in the comments yesterday for chapter 26 which she posted today (and she said it wasn't recommended to read at work...yeah, well I laugh in the face of warnings and read it anyway...good thing I had a change of panties in my laptop bag)! And follow her on Twitter...she sometimes tweets teasers too!

I'm a Pimp Yo!'s a fine line that I tread every day. A couple of months ago SIL FC rec'd a new fanfic story that she was reading. I felt such a sense of accomplishment at that moment. I think SIL FC is one of my most successful Twi-conversions to date. I had nurtured her from an eye-rolling mother of a 12 year old Twilight lover to a fanfic rec'er! Whoo! Anyway, this story got my heart pumping in all the right places starting in the very first chapter with this Dark-Domward who takes what he wants. So what did I do? I stayed up all night reading, rec'd it here, and then sent the author a comment to check out said blog. And then that's where some slight stalking came into play. If you haven't seen my pap pics of unsuspecting hotties in airports and poolside, then you 1. have been missing out and 2. should should definitely follow me on Twitter. Anyway, out of my stalking and possibly some revoked restraining orders comes this wonderful author interview (well part 1 anyway). Without further I present Ivy Lane and her story A Twisted Twilight Tale.

How did you get hooked on The Saga?

I was completely a Twilight virgin until someone close to me convinced me I would love the series. After starting the first book; I was hooked. It became “My own personal brand of Heroin.” I read all books cover to cover, enjoying each one until I completed Breaking Dawn. I felt bereft; what would I do with my time now? I wanted more juicy stuff, more information and viewpoints on the story, which I had already twisted into my own personal fantasy. I then allowed myself to watch the movie (I did not want to be affected by the actors portraying the characters prior to my imagination taking hold). I admit myself slightly disappointed in Twilight, but it was inevitable since they had to mutilate the story to fit into their time frame. I dream of a future with Midnight Sun being released, giving me more of Stephanie’s viewpoint on how Edward thinks, even though my fantasy Edward is just perfect for me currently.

Is this your first fanfic?

It is indeed. I started very hesitantly, unsure if people would enjoy my writing; several times I almost stopped actually. New writers are extremely affected by negative feedback, and although I treasure all my reviews, a few had me discouraged and created some writer’s block moments for me. But once I had no other avenues to cruise down to get my Edward fix and had read all the fiction I could find with “my kind of Edward” in them, I thought perhaps other readers like myself may enjoy my imaginative creations. So far I am very happy with my work, and cherish all my readers and reviewers. I have a couple more ideas for new stories that are going to fall within my Twisted Twilight Tale time frame. The next one I have in the outline phase, which I have tentatively named Half-Moon, is a “what if Bella and Jacob get together when Edward leaves” thing. So it will have a dual timeline within it... Bella/Jacob and Edward/_______ Can’t give that up yet. Sorry. So I will go back and forth. Not sure if people will read it, but I am sure there are some Bella/Jacob fans out there.I also want to work on The Volturi Affair, which is the predecessor to this one. Which means my beloved half-bloods will feature in it, as well as our sexy Edward. There are still a couple things people don’t understand about Ivy/Edward and I do that on purpose; I am awful aren’t I? But what you don’t find out in ATTT will be revealed when we travel back to the time Edward lived the Volturi, and thus spent time with my sinfully sexually-active half-bloods.

Why did you start writing this fic? What/Who inspired you?

I was inspired to do this fic from my drug dealer, who told me I would truly enjoy the series and the fiction that is available on the Internet for free. My eyes widened at free; gotta love freebies! I wrote this for her actually, and I must say she is a completely awesome person, although she may not know I feel that way. My other inspiration was DurtyNelly, who showed me that Edward does not have to always be a gentleman for girls to swoon over him! Love her stories, you should read them if you haven’t already. As I perused the abundance of fan fiction, I noticed that Edward did not really act like a vampire. I mean he was one, had the gentlemanly attributes of someone who had lived a long time, however he was generally docile compared what I expected from a vampire smelling the sweetest blood ever. So I decided since dominant Edwards are somewhat limited in fan fiction, that I would write some juicy M rated stuff. I continue to write because you and a few others wait ever so patiently for my updates and really seem to enjoy the way the story is progressing. I get so upset when a favorite story I read never gets updated, which is why I try to have at least one update per week, if not more. There is one I just took off my favorites list ~sniffle~ because it hasn’t been updated in eons and the writer never responded to my inquiry if she would ever update. So instead of being frustrated with looking at it, I removed it from my line of vision.

You say that your Bella isn't quite as "blah" as Stephenie Meyer's Bella. Could you elaborate?

Ok I may get stoned for saying this, but I am going to come right out there and do it. I never truly warmed to Bella. She acted like she is quite a fighter, but I felt her a bit wishy-washy. She didn’t have the confidence I was hoping for, and she buckled under pressure. She wanted Edward and was blatant about her attraction but turns into a wobbly mess when he leaves her, not the confident “I was going to ask what his problem was” and getting ready to walk out on him at the restaurant I was expecting. The “you can’t leave me” was a bit pitiful for this vibrant and mature teenager. I know women are very emotional creatures, but she got on my nerve at points. This is where Ivy came from, to be honest, but I will elaborate on this later. But you have to admit, at least for not liking Bella much I give her some pretty interesting experiences to deal with, don’t I?

Your Edward is pretty used to getting what he wants and using his powers to get it. Is he going to regret dazzling Bella to get what he wants from her?

My Edward is a bit more primitive and wild. Vampires to me should have some kind of violent tendencies. But I am evil enough to say that although he may regret the “dazzling”; he wants Bella and intends to make sure he does not lose her, regardless of her frame of mind on the matter. Primitive, yes; Dominating, of course. Fucking sexier than hell, I like to think so. He is impulsive, and you will see that he is not done being “persuasive” to Bella when he feels it is needed.

So if this has your interest peaked, then go off and start reading! If you need more, well stay tuned for the second half of the interview. Let me just say, it gets a little spicy. Happy reading...meanwhile I am already stalking my next unsuspecting author...hehehe.

Drum Roll Please...

*I feel like Oprah doing her favorite things show right now...points to loyal stalkers..."You get a copy of the Precious II and you get a copy of the Precious II!"*...and the winners of the 7 precious copies of the Precious II are (selected using an oh so scientific Excel randomizer formula...yeah, I'm a geek):

Susie From ApplesnFeathers
Betti Gefecht, the addicted
Call of Duty Widow
Congratulations to the winners and thank you all for following! Send us an email with your name and address so we can get your beloved in the mail ASAP!

Tipping the Scales at 100!

You have finally made it to our hundredth post oh sweet reader. Yes, you have celebrated our highs and suffered through our lows (did someone say unicorn?). And in celebration of our 100th blog post RPattz had a little something to say to us.

And I found some other pictures too. Seriously, I just binged "100 blog posts," and this is the shizz that came up. Comedy gold.


I don't get it...100 calories = 100 blog posts?

Is it just me or does this look like a vag?

Pops is hot.

Please, please, please God make New Moon be awesome!

Oh, and if you have made it this far, then congratulations! Because guess what? We're doing a give away! For every 10 followers we have, we're giving out a copy of The Precious II when you follow our blog AND leave a comment on this post. Want better odds? Get your friends to follow the blog and leave a comment (make sure they mention you). Say you get 5 of your friends to follow the blog and they all leave a comment on this post and include your name. You get entered into the drawing 6 times (because of course you're going to leave a comment too) and they each get entered once! That's it. Just leave a comment by Saturday at 12 PM EST. The winners will be announced next Monday. Oh, and multiple comments don't = multiple entries.

I'll even cover the gross picture of Megan Fox for you.

We heart you guys long time!
Bitches and Fire Crotch

The Minis on Vacation

As many of you know Mommy FC and I were on vacation this week. Of course I brought the minis...I always have them with me. They went pretty crazy upon hearing the crashing ocean waves and smelling the salty-seaweedy air. Please to enjoy their adventures.
Looks like someone doesn't listen. At least Edward didn't have to worry about getting sunburn!
Oh, he's so adorable isn't he? Looks like Bella finally helped dig him out of his hole.
I'm not quite sure where Jacob led this group, but they were gone quite a while. When I finally found them they were passed out under a palm tree with with tons of those coconut drinks with the tiny umbrellas strewn about. It was a long night to say the least. Note to the mini-girls...puke is really difficult to get out of your moveable wrists.
Jake went and caught dinner for the gang. Apparently no one likes sushi. But he looks pretty manly standing there with that fish though.
Thanks STY...New Moon Edward will now forever be known as Guidoward.
There was a little bit of unrest among the troops when Guidoward almost washed away, but he made it back to shore. He was a little smelly and covered in seaweed, but he was ready for more body surfing.
Always the helper, Jacob held open the lid to the "Got Tar" container...fortunately no one "got tar" on them while frolicking on the beach.
But this is where Jake kind of stepped over the line...I don't need any help rinsing off...but every single day he swung there hoping to help rinse the saltwater from my lovely locks...ew, no thanks. But I'm sure Mommy FC wouldn't mind...
And thus ends a wondeful vacation with the minis. Hopefully next year we will be going out of the country. Better hurry up and get the passports!

Haikus and Unicorns

I happened across a pretty cool website this evening...I think you will see what drew me in immediately. Obviously is was the haikus, duh!

Here are a couple of my favorite haikus.

Make sure to check out the website and show them some comment love!

Mommy FC is Team Jacob

I'm not sure exactly how or exactly when it happened, but Mommy FC is decidedly Team Jacob. I know...this is quite a blow, but I will just have to move on. Here are the facts as I know them:

  1. I forced Mommy FC to start reading The Saga last month
  2. She read Twilight and New Moon during her Canadian Rockies trip...she kept me updated via text - "Just finished Twilight! LOL!" - apparently Mommy FC thought LOL meant Lots of Love...super cute I know.
  3. She immediately went out and purchased Eclipse and Breaking Dawn upon returning home...was there second-hand embarrassment? I don't know because she won't speak of the shopping expedition.
  4. She is currently reading Eclipse every waking moment, well except for when she is doing cross-stitch (seriously, she has been working on this same project for over 3 years and still isn't done).
  5. Upon seeing the cover of the Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition, she remarked on Jacob's "hotness."

Yeah, number 5 kinda caught me off-guard too. Mommy FC was utterly captivated by the picture of Jacob on the know the one of him shirtless and looking over his shoulder with those bedroom eyes. Yuck! After I told her that baby Tay-Tay is a mere 17 years old, she was utterly unabashed. Apparently there is "no way a child can have muscles like that." Um, okay.

So when I was in Barnes & Noble yesterday to pick up a couple more copies of the Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition, I also picked up a Jacob bookmark for Mommy FC. She was pretty excited when she found it in her copy of Eclipse. I guess I know what to get her for Christmas.

Note to Self: Do not go out with Mommy FC when she is wearing this sweatshirt. You know she will wear it the grocery store, post-Christmas shopping, and possibly even to work with a festive turleneck underneath. Oh, I am afraid...very afraid!