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We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

BlogoWriMo Day 10 - Ode to Corn

You may have noticed a theme in some of my posts recently and if you haven't, well I've become a bit obsessed with corn. Yes, corn. You wanna know why?

Okay, well maybe not in everything, but you know that it totally doesn't digest well. First we had the Team Edward Corn Maze. But that wasn't really enough to push me into near mania.


So what did it? I bring you Rob eating corn. Grandpa sweater? Check. Lobster bib? Check. Rolling Rock? Check. Drawn butter ready slather all over Rob? Check. Partially eaten corn cob? Check. Rob obviously sucking stray kernels from between his teeth? Check mate.


Oh, look how cute he is grasping the corn cob with a napkin while taking a swig of beer. I guess the lobster just isn't that appetizing. But could you imagine? Rob cracking lobster claws and sucking out the meat while the juices dribble down his chin? And then you could lick the juices off and...oh god, I think I may have a food fetish or something.


In keeping with my corn theme, I would totally wear these pumps during my corn eating encounter with Rob. And just these. Yup. Hawt. I think they scream, "Hi, my name is Candy...Candy Corn." Heh.


Oh, and I might bring my little friend along with me. Although there are a few things about this product that are slightly troubling.


Not that I have shopped for devices like this before, but I think the name of this one is a little different. The Sexual Harassment Cornbrator: Hyper Wank Device. Why would you want to associate your product with sexual harassment? And did anyone else notice the two dudes on the box? Very interesting. Maybe I will leave this at home. I'm sure Rob has enough corn for the both of us. I'll bring the butter baby (thanks Dane Cook). And thank you Vanity Fair.

25 comments:

Honolulu Girl from Trueblood Twilight said...

*Bwuaahhahaa. Corn is delicious!

Meg said...

Hahahahahahaha. I <3 corn too.

Ang (Amcas) said...

Where do I start...
1) NEVER EVER mention Rob and dribbling down his chin in the same sentence again...unless you want me to come completely unhinged.

2) That vibe looks like it has 2 dudes pictured on it..if so, hmmmm...that's interesting.

bierbeck said...

Ok I am seriously becoming worried about your corn obsession. I actually think these pictures of Rob are a little weird. Hot of course, but weird. I do love the pumps though!

mmMoxie said...

A "Cornholer" as a man who likes to participate in gay anal sex. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cornholer

I think thats why there's the two dudes on the package. (I said package)

cutie said...

I love you more with each passing moment!

I'll bring the butter baby. heheHE Oh I've got a place for his cob right here. *winks*

And what is up with thos dudes? I just read mmMoxie's comment. You are one smart cookie. Urban Dictionary is my life manual, just sayin'.

(Molly) Twinatic said...

Love the grampa sweater and corn!!! SO HOT!!!

And yes, I was just scrolling down to say it's a cob for your cornhole and that's why there's two dudes, but, alas, mmMoxie beat me to it! : D

(Molly) Twinatic said...

but yeah, have NO idea what anything has to do with sexual harassment ... that's just weird!

KG said...

BWAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHA!!!

"Come on Orville Redenbacher...pop that pussy"

SIL FC said...

Dear lord sis, i think you have officially lost you ever loving mind!!! Love the pics though!! Oh and BIL FC, he just realized how obsessed i am about New Moon when i told him he HAS to watch Baby FC so we can all go. He was like huh??

I would love to lick the butter right off his dribbling chin.... growl... yummy!!!

Alice said...

God that Cornbrator is all sorts of wrong! I don't really like corn that much, but a certain photoshoot might have changed that. Lobster Rob is already an old time favorite!

Annie said...

The pics are amazement, though I am still troubled by the cornbrator. What troubles me is not the two dudes but the fact that the product has the words "Sexual Harassment" in its name.

But whatevs, Rob looks hot in that lobster bib. I would totally only wear candy corn heels for him!

(Word verification for this comment: Lather. Oh yeah...)

Anonymous said...

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? WTF.. Can you even fucking spell LAME? I'm just sitting here shaking my fucking head trying to pretend that was worth my fucking time reading. Could I have the last five minutes of my life back? I could use them to go watch that douche Rob say "I'm Edward Cullen" . Yeah another five minutes of my fucking life i'll never get back. What a fucking waste of time.

Candy Corn shoes? You really have lost your twi-rob ever loving fucking mind. Maybe you should look back in your last google search for where you may have fucking left it? I'm sure you MIGHT find it there. Heaven knows you fucking need it. Along with all the other pricks who read this fucking garbage.

The rest of this shit is just that. SHIT its not even worth commenting on.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I just cracked up.. btw.. My word verification was sighlies roflmao

jrieggs said...

Why would you read a Twilight blog if you don't like Edward Anonymous? Eww.

Anyways, love the vanity fair pics. I'm all about some Cape Cod guys in grandpa sweaters, swoon!

mmMoxie said...

If it took 5 minutes to read this post, Anonymous must have been staring at the picture of the "cornbrator" for 4 of them.

(Molly) Twinatic said...

ah, haters, you crack me up!!!

I like that they took time to write out a long comment that addresses specific details, but, couldn't come up with anything intelligent to say so they just laced with a lot of 'fucks' and then couldn't man up to the comment and left it under 'Anonymous'

Yeah, that's a big man(or woman) right there!

(plus, how would you even end up here unless you were searching for twi things, or following you on twitter? I think it's like homophobes being such haters because they're gay and don't want to admit it, twimophobes are just closet mega fans and can't live with it!)

Shiny Volvo Owner said...

FC, I actually blacked out at the image of Rob... dribbling..........

Uhm.. Sorry. I have to stop thinking of that. I don't think this night will have anything happening in it at all for the image of Rob...

Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...

I'm so proud of you Aimee! You got your first hater! You corn loving whore!!! I LOVE YOU!!

Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...

Its official i'm an idiot today...I've got blogs and bloggy buddies confused...going back to my hole in the ground

One Pushy Fox said...

Ok, 1) flamer, seriously??? During BlogoWriMo???? Piss off, idiot! 2) Corn vibrator - scary!!!! 3) I liked the grandpa sweater. What does that say about me? 4)****COMMENT LOVE****

Love you, sweeties!!!!

Rob's Swiss Miss said...

1) I'm with Susie...you're moving up the ladder if you're attracting flaming haters. Kudos!

2) I love corn. I love lobster. I love Rob. I just had a buttery, food-laced 3some and although I feel a bit slutty, I'm amazingly guilt-free.

3) Candy Corn - I thought I told your ass to get back on the street corner and make my money! Don't make me smack a bitch with my pimp hand.

PS - I want those shoes. When I'm not wearing them with hotpants I'll store my cornbrator, natch.

Call of Duty Widow said...

Hey, I think that hate comment was planted. At least I manned up and actually posted it with my username! LOL

Anyway, having in-laws that still farm corn and soy beans, we get a huge supply of sweet corn every summer. That hyper wank device has seriously reinforced not eating corn on the cob. And Rob=hot, Rob + corn = only slightly less hot. I still couldn't touch him with a ten foot pole since I'm allergic to shell fish. Damn you lobster!

Mr. Bitches said...

The guy doesnt even know how to eat corn. He ate it all random like. When you eat corn you start at a spot and move in a straight line you dont take a bite here and a bite there. Come one.

Anonymous said...

Boku no Sexuall Harassment is a yaoi (=gay love) anime and there's a famous scene where a guy is raped with a corncob u_u
The vibrator is hilarious XD

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