Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.


People don't snort their first line in pursuit of becoming an addict. This is how I feel about my shameful addiction that all began in mid April a couple weeks after FC casually mentioned a book she had recently enjoyed. Since we have similar tastes and have been swapping books for years, I was mighty curious. The answer shocked me. Twilight. What the eff?! Wasn't that the movie that legions of hormonal teenage girls were obsessed with and the movie with the actor who had the crazy unwashed nast hair?! Indeed it was. I have to say, I am rarely one to judge, however, I was feeling kind of judgy. For the next couple of weeks FC pursued me like Charlie Sheen chasing a hooker while I continued to mock her for her new infatuation. She sat with uncontained excitement and a gleam in her eye as I opened the gift she'd given me for my birthday. Lo and behold, it was the first installment of the series. I crap you not, the next morning at 8am the text arrived, "Dude, have you started Twilight yet?!" My first reaction was, "Dude, quit sweatin’ me!" So, I promised to start it soon. That evening, my love affair began. Before I'd even finished it I plotted to get the next book. On my lunch break I hoofed it to Barnes & Noble and made a beeline for the Fiction section. No luck. Then I made my way over to the Science Fiction section. Again, no luck. I started to panic - I MUST have it immediately! Having limited time and desperately wanting to get back to my office to continue reading, I did the unthinkable - I asked. I pretty near peed myself when I was told "Oh, that's in the teen section." I attempted to seem nonchalant and make no eye contact as I quickly snatched up New Moon when a gal a couple years older than me conspiratorially told me the series was half-off at Wal Mart. I initially felt some relief until she said "I bought the set for my daughter the other day." Well then. Feeling rather faint, I quickly grabbed my book and raced to the cashier. I then ran like a bat outta hell to my car. This fix not lasting long, two days later I was faced with the same situation yet again. I ended up going to 3 stores in pursuit of my next score. Along the way, I ran into another older gal who felt equally ashamed of her addiction, and we consoled one another like only a fellow Twilight lover can. By the end of the week, I'd completed all four books. During that week, I had abstained from any internet trolling for fear of spoilers. So, once I'd completed the series the floodgates opened and FC directed me to Twitarded, TwiCrackAddict, Twilight Widower, and a host of other delightful sources for my Twilight fix. It's been happily ever after ever since.

Well, almost. I have to admit it wasn't without guilt. Poor Mr. Bitches suffered terribly that week (and the next couple of weeks due to my next obsession all thanks again to FC. Although, this time I didn't balk one bit at her suggestion, more about that later). He suffered without my company (a considerable and overwhelming loss) while I was locked away demanding silence. He also went without his usual tasty home cooked meals in favor of quickly thrown together dishes, that is, when I cooked at all. He definitely deserves some extra special adult fun.

*I do have one grievance, though. The culmination of Bella & Edward's relationship didn’t satisfy me. Like the addict I had become, I needed something stronger. I pounded my fists in frustration and cursed YA all the while promising myself that my next reading choice would most definitely include some adult content. Oh, and it did.


Jenny Jerkface said...

It's terrible, isn't it? I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Honestly, I just wanted to make fun of it.

The next thing I knew an entire weekend had gone by, my eyes were bloodshot, and I had this sudden desire to troll the web for information on some guy named Robert Pattinson.

Bitches said...

Yes! To be honest I'd never even considered reading them until FC recommended it to me. I just mocked everyone for their obesession. After reading it I realized what all the fuss was about and was greived by all the lost time & articles I had dismissed as beneath me.

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