The So Not Green Platinum Wedding

So, after two weeks away from my lover, and by lover I mean TiVo, I've been trying hard to watch my "important” shows before they're deleted. For all you TiVoeans, you know what missing two weeks is like. Sorry, back to the point. If you enjoy watching people spend craploads of money on huge weddings that I'm just confident will stand the test of time (*roll eyes here*), then Platinum Weddings on WeTV is the show for you. This particular episode was a bit disturbing, not because WeTV always seems to be 2 minutes behind and I inevitably have to hear about "Briiiiiiiiiiidezillas!", but because this half-million dollar wedding was supposed to be green. A green Platinum Wedding? Indeed...Alexis and Noah were undoubtedly going to have the coolest green wedding on the planet. Even before the first commercial break my mind was ablaze with a plethora of green ideas: burlap bridesmaid dresses, flowers recycled from a funeral, seedlings as wedding favors and a tofu cake (is tofu green?). So how do you actually manage to burn through $500,000 when everything is supposed to be green (reduce, reuse, recycle, right peeps?). I soon found out...apparently, Alexis and Noah felt that printing their menus on 100% recycled paper and reusing some...yes, I said SOME, of the linens from her sister's wedding in the dessert room (yes, an entire room devoted to yummy deliciousness) counted as being "green." Apart from the minimal use of flowers (in this case, minimal = $15,000) everything else was on par with the usual fare for Platinum Weddings. I mean, couldn't she have at least re-fashioned her mom's wedding dress instead of having thousands of sweatshop workers’ tears Swarovski crystals sewn onto her body suit (yup, I said body suit). In all fairness, the food was all locally grown (I need to visit these farms in downtown D.C.), and I'm sure that all of the leftovers went to a dumpster homeless shelter. Our environmentally friendly couple wanted to show their friends and family that you can have a fabulous wedding and still be nice to the planet. Amen. Oh, and the 45K worth of lighting was absolutely dreamy!