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We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

Vampire Baby Names

Everyone is having one right? No? Well at least in my circle of friends babies are more abundant than fashionable Coach purses (and that's saying a lot because we have some real purse-whores: me, Bitches, and Tenacious V). Every time I turn around these days I seem to have a baby pictures, baby diapers, or Baby 'R Us gift lists shoved into my hot little hands. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some teacup humans...I'm just super happy when I can hand the kiddos back to their rightful owners and skip off into the sunset with my own children (read: doggies and BF).

And when one of my most fashionable pregger pals decided to name her offspring Emmett, Bitches and I could not have been happier. And yes, we totally know that you didn't name your child after Emmett Cullen, but we can dream can't we?

So, that got me thinking...alright not so much thinking as googling vampire yodeling, vampire a...vampire b... Seriously, I was going to go through the alphabet until I found something interesting. And then up came sites for vampire baby names.
I understand that naming the fruit of your loins is usually a personal and sometimes excrutiating process. If you or a loved one is having a baby and is having trouble coming up with a name, I humbly submit the following:


Acheron, Alabaster, Amaranth, Argent, Ashes, Autumn, Abyss, Aura

Babylon, Belladonna, Blade, Bliss, Blue, Brink, Battle

Calamity, Chalice, Chaos, Chapel, Cinder, Crimson, Cyan, Century

December, Drachen, Drakkar, Draven, Dream, Dred, Dusk, Draegan

Ebony, Echo, Eclipse, Edge, Ember, Enigma, Essence, Eternity, Eventide

Fate, February, Forest, Forever, Friday, Frost

Garnet, Glacier, Glimmer, Gossamer, Gotham, Grail, Granite, Grey, Gusty

Hades, Hail, Halo, Haven

Icy, Imperia, Infinity, Innocent, Ivory, Ivy, Illusion

January, Jett, Jezebel, Jinx, Journey

Kaige, Kandyl, Kindle, Kindred

Labyrinth, Lace, Layre, Lazarus, Legacy, Legend, Leviathan, Lithia, Locke, London, Lore, Lucifer, Lucretia, Luna, Lynk, Lullaby

Maleficent, Mayze, Memory, Mercy, Midnight, Mink, Mirage, Mist, Monday, Morrow, Mystery, Myth

Nebula, Noire, November, Nightshade

Obsidian, October, Omen, Onyx

Pandora, Panther, Pardon, Parrish, Payne, Pentecost, Peregrine, Prysm

Rain, Ransom, Rapture, Rave, Raven, Refuge, Remember, Requiem, Rogue, Rosary

Sabbath, Sable, Sabre, Salem, Salvation, Satin, Scarlet, Seraphim, Shadow, Shayde, Siberia, Silence, Silver, Smoky, Snow, Solitude, Solstice, Spirit, Steele, Stone, Storm, Stryker, Sunday

Talon, Tempest, Temple, Thorne, Thunder, Trilogy, Trinket, Tsunami, Tuesday, Twilight, Tranqility

Vail, Velvet

Whisper, Willow, Winter, Wish, Wolf

Zaphara, Zen, Zephyr, Zillah, Zima, Zurie

Source

I like to think that I have had a successful career so far with baby naming. I helped name my own nephew after 007. My brother was really gunning for Chuck Norris...glad they settled on Sean Conner. So if you need any help naming your baby, please let me know. I offer a free of charge baby naming service because everyone should have a Thorne Pentacost or an Imperia Kindred in the family tree.


Yup, this is totally creeptastic...you can thank Amcas

16 comments:

Mrs. Robward said...

o_0

I'd have a vamp baby w/edward but we wouldn't call her reneewhatthefuck!

Mrs.R

Jenny Jerkface said...

Isn't Drakkar a cologne that guidos wear? And Zima a malt liqour. Cuz' that's hot.

Amber said...

Love it...I seriously want to meet someone with triplets who has given them all the middle name Trilogy!
You left Renesmee of the list! What's that about? You could have added that one yourself. (Just so you know, had that been my child, Edward would have never let them start calling her Nessie. I would prefer Ren and Edward and I would have discussed that long beforehand...because I'm a planner like that)

Meg said...

Oh.My.God. That first vamp baby is seriously one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

I would name mine Gusty Lucretia Pentecost. And call it Rapture for short. Oh, and btw, my godson's middle name is Steele. Hahaha. I'll have to pass this along to his mom.

themrs said...

i am due any day now with esme grace. surprisingly, only a few times has someone recognized the name. usually they look at me funny, ask how it's spelled, and then awkwardly say it's nice. my mom (who is also a huge TW fan) hates it. but it fit well with our others- ariana, isaiah, aliyah and aidan.

Tenacious V said...

Fun post, FC! If I were into the goth thing, I'd totally name my kid Chalice. My mom should be THANKFUL for Emmett. Heeee.

@ themrs--I LOVE Esme for a baby girl! Seriously, I have to applaud Stephanie Myers' taste in names. :-)


Oh, and thanks to all the Twilight flair out there, I have an "I Heart Emmett" flair on my FB. My life is totally complete (at least for now. This whole baby thing will hopefully be an upgrade come January...)

Bex said...

Another awesome post! The vampbaby at the end is totes creeptastic, I think I may have nightmares! Someone hold me!

Honolulu Girl said...

My daughter keeps asking me about what she should name her Vampire in her story that she's writing(I think for fun, not for school) I always tell her 'when did he become a Vampire?' and then look up popular names from that era. But I like this list. It's very goth. LOL! BTW, that baby pic at the end is going to haunt me in my nightmares.

cutie said...

Great post. =)
I will say this much, my oldest daughters name is one of your W choices. ;)

Bitches said...

I am deeply disturbed by the baby vampire pic...it will haunt my dreams and keep me up at night.
My pick for a daughter is Jezebel Tempest. She'd be a ho fo-sho.
@ themrs I love the name Esme! I'm really surprised that people are so unfamiliar with it!

Ang (Amcas) said...

pure.evil.

*shudders and walks away...backwards*

Snarkier Than You said...

LOVE the vampire names! And the vamp baby - lol! Oh and I could have a baby that became self-sufficient within a few months of birth, I might consider it...

: )

Abigail said...

*shudders* those are some creepy effing pictures.
As for vamp baby names my newest daughter is named Esme, but it was a name we considered for my middle child 3 years ago.

Dizzz said...

I have to add she is a wonderful baby name picker. Brother FC was really pushing for Pink Floyd... I almost fainted! Thanks FC!!!

jrieggs said...

Who would name their child Remember? Hi, I'm Joe...Hi, I'm Remeber...remember what? No, my name is Remember...what?!

I do like some of the other ones though. Thanks for the creepy baby vampire pics, the last one is exactly how I picture the child vamps from the book looking like!

tasha... said...

Dude...I didn't even make it past the 1st picture...WTF?!

I'm not gonna sleep for weeks...that's just..just..*shudder*

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