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Earth to US Weekly: Megan Fox Makes Me Baby Barf

As I was perusing my copy of The Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition the other night I gasped. Wondering what was wrong, Mommy FC scampered over to the couch to see what could have upset me so. (She had already looked through the entire bookazine and still 3 days later can't get over baby Tay Tay's muscles at the nubile age of 17.) What made me start dry heaving while looking at the Precious II? Surely not the high school yearbook pics of the cast and Stephenie Meyer, or Tay Tay's dad "cheering" on the Red Wings, or the Rachelle v. Bryce as Victoria pictoral smackdown. So what was it? A small picture of Megan Fox leering over Rob with the quote, "I would eat Rob Pattinson so that I could steal some of that pretty." GAG!

I'm not sure what happened to me, but when I came to this crazy bitch was clutching my hand and whispering about stealing my pretty.

Why oh why oh why did US Weekly have to marr the wonderment of this magazine with Megan Fox? I baby barfed in my mouth a little. I told Mommy FC that I hate Megan Fox, and then she said, "FC, hate is a strong word, I know you don't mean that." Wow, I have been away from home a long time. I do hate Megan Fox. She is just ridiculous. When I picture hell (don't tell me you haven't), Megan Fox is sitting at the right hand of Beelzebub, scantily clad with a whip. Why she needs a whip, I have no idea because she is just going to drive you to utter madness with her crazy talk.

I never convinced Mommy FC that it's really okay to hate Megan Fox (but mentioning that she has a 22" waist did seem to tip the scales in my favor). Here's hoping that Megan Fox falls down a hole and journeys to the center of the earth until after the Sexy Stars of Twilight Breaking Dawn edition comes out.

17 comments:

Meg said...

Well, hopefully Rob isn't stealing some of her skanky craziness by being so close to her in that picture. Ick. I leave my copy open to page 17. Cleansing on the eyes.

Sidenote--when I bought my 2 copies at Food Lion the other night, the girl at the register looked at me, looked at the magazines and said, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, bitch. Really. Now ring up my cat food, tampons, and Rob so I can go home and have some privacy."

uhyesplease said...

I had to watch SNL the other night just to see if she was as bad as I thought she'd be. It did not disappoint. She sucks, she has a stupid baby voice, and every skit had her looking even more whoreish than usual. Way to go SNL for keeping it real.

Fire Crotch said...

@Meg - I'm dying right now..."ring up my cat food, tampons, and Rob so I can go home and have some privacy."

@UYP - yes, I also watched SNL for U2 actually, but had to endure some Megan Fox...she was really terrible.

itsjustme said...

In my house, we (I) call her Skank Fox. She reminds me of that bitch in high shool. Remember the one? She's a know-it-all, hateful, spiteful whore who doesn't know anything but negativity. She pissed me off months ago with her comment in Maxim about Rob, basically saying he wasn't good enough for her. Don't like him--fine. But I don't like trash talk. Then she changes he tune a month later, I guess after some Twi-fan style hate mail. I don't like that shit either. Proves shes a flighty little ho that goes along with the crowd, and doesn't have one orignal thought in her head. You know what happened to that bitch from high school? She lives in a mobile home with her 6 kids. She's been on Maury to have paterninty tests done 19 times and still can't find a dad for a dad for any of them. Ok, I better stop. But thank you for allowing me to bitch about the bitch. I feel much better now. Here's hoping that the next time we see MFox it will be on Springer! *giggles*

Memory_Jean said...

I would like to know why she feels she needs to eat him to "steal his pretty" when in reality she could just go get some more plastic surgery done on her face... and no Rob has to get hurt.

cutie said...

Hm.... so tell me, how do you really feel about Megan Fox?

Honolulu Girl said...

I don't like Megan Fox either because she knows her shit doesn't stink and she uses it. I think women can be very attractive without whoring it out in people's faces. It's her attitude that sucks. If she just toned it down and stopped bashing her directors that made her famous then maybe she'd have more fans. Plus Jennifer's Body bombed at the box office. She sucks.

Mrs. Vanquish said...

Ok, I have to admit I just don´t know her enough to care. I guess I have never seen a movie with her - I just know her since her stupid comment about Rob. And from the TSA ( right?). I just don´t get at all why they put such a pic in The Precious II.
Seriously, now I have to google her to understand your hate. May I add that I´m German and we are always a bit slower with these things, is this a excuse for me?

Meg said...

@Mrs. V: I don't really know enough about her to care either, but eff her anyway for having a 22" waist (is that really true FC or are you exaggerating? Because if you actually googled that shit...! lol) and even entertaining the thought of eating Rob! *shiver and shake the skank off*

Bitches said...

UGH. I absolutely LOATHE Megan Fox. She disgusts me. I am very disturbed that she's soiled the Precious.

Oh...somethings been bothering me. It occured to me this afternoon that this new Precious includes material from New Moon. Isn't this cheating on your Purity Pledge? Maybe not full fledged screwing...but, perhaps maybe just a lil dry humping?

Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...

I am so glad that all my twifriends and I have the same opinion about the abomination that is Megan Fox!

Smuttier Than You said...

If the bitch would keep her cock holster closed, the nickle between her knees and her grubby paws to her whorish self, she'd be damn good looking. Oh and maybe eat a fucking cheeseburger or something. Fucking shit, 22 inch waist?

Alice said...

Megan Fox. ARGH. I don't understand what guys see in her. She always looks so trashy. Like she just jumped out of playboy and just put some 'clothes' on. K, so maybe now I get why guys like her...

My Twilife said...

OMG I am so glad I have found someone else who HATES Megan Fox...She never knows when to shut her slutty mouth...and seeing her with Rob @ TCA about drove me over the edge I don't want her dirty "I think I am the hottest thing to walk the earth" skanky ass anywhere near him...ahhhh

ps. your comment about her at the right hand of Beelzebub...Effing Hilar!!

KG said...

Even Cosmopolitan knows everyone hates Megan Fox. I saw her on the cover the other day, and noticed that issue was a special "low price" ...that's cause no one pays full price for Megan Fox. ifyouknowwhatimsayin'.

jrieggs said...

Hahahah, I told bitches last night that I though Megan Fox is the perfect definition for "cum bucket"...that's pretty much all she's good for. Why did you just make me look at a pic of her?

sjAimee said...

And now i know what the hideous megan fox pic is.. bla.. blech.. gag.. barf.. Why the feck would they do that???????....

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