Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

How Winning the Mega Millions Would Change My Twi-Life


With Mega Millions fever running rampant across much of the US...okay perhaps it's only a fever in my head...I've given a lot of thought in the past couple of weeks to how winning this massive jackpot would or wouldn't change my life. And by massive, I mean $252 big ones with a capital M. Sorry for all you Powerball players...one ticket hit the $260 million jackpot last week. Anywho, I've gone through the normal list of things to do:


  1. Hire a personal driver. Yes, this has been my dream basically since my 18th birthday when I was handed the keys to a car and thus apparently became responsible for my own transportation. I hate driving. I wish all the stupid drivers (you know you are: the people who drive under the speed limit in the left-hand lane, the people who do not signal when turning, the people who are too busy talking on their cell phones, texting, reading, eating, or otherwise engaged in an activity not condusive to driving) would just get off the road already and let me clip along at 90 mph. I think a personal driver would make perfect sense, and yes, it would be the first thing I would do.

  2. Make Mommy FC retire. And how do I propose she break the news to her coworkers? I'd have her roll up to her place of business with a bunch of Costco sheet cakes all emblazoned with this slogan: "Toodaloo motherfuckas!" Too much? Perhaps, but I would certainly get a kick out of it. *To explain this proverbial middle finger to her employer, Mommy FC is a prolific baker. Her cakes, breads, and cookies are highly sought after in her workplace. Growing up as a child was tough in the FC household. We would have to smell and see these wonderful tasty treats being made on a weekly basis for meetings, birthdays, and just because. Then they would be whisked away by Mommy FC saying that these are "for work." So yeah, they get Costco sheetcakes, which frankly are super-tasty and probably still too good for these people.

  3. Pay off the credit card, the car (only 8 more payments and it's all mine!), the mortgage

  4. Take a month-long vacation with Bitches and Mr. Bitches and buy lots of purses (Aspen Food and Wine festival anyone?)...and Mr. Bitches can bring a friend to go to basketball games and whatnot with.

  5. Build a cell phone tower receiver thing on my roof...seriously...why do I have to walk outside to get cell phone reception?

Those are the immediate concerns. Obviously I would have to think about the rest of my family, but that's boring, so let's move on to what I began thinking about today. How would my Twi-life change? I was making my bed and was kind of shocked that I hadn't thought about this subject before. Twilight has become such an integral part of my life. From the blog to Twitter to vacationing with Pocket Edward, I would have so much to gain by winning the Mega Millions. Just think about it for a minute...gone would be the tweets, "RL calls, bbl" or "gotta make dinner" or "need to go to work." Okay, well, maybe not the "RL calls, bbl" tweet because Lord knows that massuer out by the pool can't wait for you all day and meetings with your personal shopper must be taken. However, I was able to come up with a few Twi-related purchases that would definitely enhance my Twi-life.



  1. A nice shiny volvo

  2. A kiss from Robert Pattinson...for charity of course!

  3. Plane tickets (first class of course...or maybe a private jet) to Forks...time for a little field trip

  4. Those creepy looking Tonner dolls


  5. Bitches and I will definitely be getting the VIP package to all of the Twi-conventions

  6. And Memory_Jean and I will totally become groupies for 100 Monkeys

Ah, just thinking about all of the time that I could spend blogging, tweeting, reading fanfic, and learning how to do proper photo manipulations so that I can put my face convincingly over KStew's in all couply pics with RPattz, makes me jizz in my pants just a little bit. Perhaps I would even embark upon writing my own fic (Tasha, you know the one).


So I will leave you with this final thought in closing. If you won millions, what would you do to make your Twi-life better?

11 comments:

Bitches said...

LMOA. You and Mr. Bitches and your desire for a driver! I must agree with your mother's baking prowess. Her peanut butter easter eggs and zucchini bread is amazing. Yea, dude, you would most benefit from a cell phone tower on your roof. It's shite you must schlep outside for service.

tasha... said...

I know the one?

..*thinking...huh?..FC..writes fic?...OH!...ooohhh..I gotcha!*

Dude, I would so blow millions on Kellan being my personal sex toy..uh..I mean..cabana boy..maybe gardner? Yeah..cabana boy. ;)

mmMoxie said...

I would buy FSE. Mr. Moxie can suck it!

Ang (Amcas) said...

I am with Tasha....except sub in Rob for Kellan.
I would also hire Bobby to play for me like a English country minstrel...he also gets some play on the weekends.
BTW, I plan on going crazy with power.
Money and Ang=BIG TROUBLE!

Bereth said...

*raises hand* Can I be your personal driver? It is going to be so much fun with all the Twi-stuff you're gonna be doing. Or maybe we'll be driving nowhere since you'll be blogging, tweeting, reading fanfic, and learning how to put your face in every RPatz pic you find...

Mrs. Vanquish said...

Obviously, I´d for sure buy a Vanquish, oh I would so love this car and this I´d drive myself!

Actually we share share the same wish with the plane tickets! Since the day I saw this Lufthansa First Class ticket in his pocket I dream about meeting him in FC. I´m begging MrV to give me some of his precious miles and buy me a ticket!! He said I just need to know on which flight he is.. and that´s not easy....

And I would sleep in his the hotels, for an accidental meeting in the bar for a drink or two...

I´d go to the NM premier! I guess with enough money one could arrange that!

A 24" iMac where screenlicking comes to a new dimension !

Tenacious V said...

This is hilarious. I have to admit, though, that back when I didn't have a job and I was into the HP Fandom, RL was sort of consumed by my online life. It annoyed Tenacious K. Things weren't very tenacious because of it. So if you by any chance do win the Powerball, you'll need to replace the job with some other demanding schedule-intensive thing before you fade into a Twilighted shadow of a person. Of course, you could always start a web site, a Twilight Lexicon or the like, and become even more famous in the online world. Then maybe things will be ok. Ok, we'll discuss it further when you win.

Snarkier Than You said...

I am with you - I would totally get a driver. Actually I want to be driven around in one of those luxury busses that the stars use with a kitchen and a bedroom and a bar and everything...

My mom made me promise to buy tix! I have to remember to stop today - thanks for the reminder - if I win, we'll be doing TwitardCon in no time flat, all expenses paid for you guys - lol!

: )

Rob's Swiss Miss said...

This is fantastic...my TFF down in FL has been plotting her moves after each Powerball ticket purchase. I'm in OH, so I suppose I still have a shot at Megamillions (sorry about the competition!).

We would basically pay off all our bills (to be practical). Pay off the hubby with a little play money and maybe an escort and then off we go on a private bus (with a shiny volvo towed behind) for our ultimate twication (Vancouver to hopefully catch filming, and Forks to pay homage at the mecca). Then we'd stalk the west coast and any convention that might have hot vampcandy appearance.

Tasha - I am soooo with you on the Kellan cabana boy/sex toy. Yeah!!

Lion Lovin' Lamb said...

Good luck on winning! Last week the power ball got up to 250 million and I was sure I was going to win. Like RSM said we had everything all planned out. Sadly, though, I did not win. I would love for a twi-freak to win just see the shennigans that ensue...

BTW- my word verification was faeriwin. Maybe the win part is a prophecy! Keeping my fingers crossed!

jrieggs said...

Oh, I would totally go with the personal driver. With this law banning texting and emailing while driving...I hate driving! I get that it's dangerous and all...but I NEED to stay in touch. Plus I'm terrible with directions and I could pick up a whiskey habit with a personal driver! Ahh, that would be the life for sure...

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