BlogoWriMo Day 21 - Anti-Fuckery Prayer

Before the movie on Thursday night, Bitches and I caught a quick bite at our local Chick-Fil-A. Yes, I know I said we were having Gobblers, but I made the command decision that they would be too messy. Bitches cannot deal with goo and stickiness.

As we saunter into Chick-Fil-A, we realize that it's kids night and the place is absolutely crazy. We order and Bitches immediately searches out a booth. Let's just say I was a little over-joyed when the only booth open was the one right behind her super-Christian gyno. Remember the shirt that Bitches procured? The "I would strip for the Cullens" shirt? Yup, totally awesome.

After we sat down to eat our tasty treat, Bitches prayed for our food (out loud...yeah I went there, but it's a big deal...she never prays for my food). And at the very end of the prayer she sneaks in a little something especially for New Moon.

I just about fell out of the booth once I realized what she had said. Our dear little Bitches. Even your prayers include potty mouth. But, the good Lord heard her prayer. There was no fuckery during the movie. Now on Friday night...that was a different story...

Twilight v. New Moon Smackdown!

So remember back in July when I ordered 3 sets of New Moon figures for Bitches, SIL FC, and myself? And how they weren't supposed to be shipped until October? And how I didn't know how I would transport them? Yeah, well, guess who got a phone call last week from the online toy store? That would be me. Apparently there was a problem with my order...I gasped. Out loud. At work. Loud enough for coworkers to surround me with worried expressions and ready to offer words of encouragement for whatever catastrophe had befallen me. AWKWARD!

So, I called the toy store later that night at their new 800 number only to find that no one was answering. I got a bad feeling that someone had duped me and that I was out a bunch of money and my New Moon figures! Ahh! But I did not give up all hope...I called again the next morning. Apparently they had to confirm that I was over the age of 18 and to get the security code on my AMEX. I guess they have had a lot of tweens calling up and ordering multiple sets of action figures?

So they arrived last Thursday, and I couldn't wait to get home and see my new action figgies. I tore open the box with my near-Herculean strength and plunged through the layers of packing popcorn and finally snatched them free from the box of hell. The BF rolled his eyes as per usual. Upon further inspection, these figures are kind of angry looking. And then I got thinking...who would win in a Bella on Bella slap-fest?

And...the ladies are off! New Moon Bella's thicker, fuller hair and barely there tank top easily make the first move. Oooooo...New Moon Bella just slapped Twilight Bella into next week! TB barely even got her arm up to retaliate! Will this be the end?
...and Twilight Bella is down for the count! The guys seem to be getting a real kick out of the girl fight. Alice doesn't seem too pleased about things. Perhaps she wanted a piece of Twilight Bella...I think she could totally take her down. We may have to schedule another smackdown.

Who do you want to see in the next Smackdown?
NM Edward v. Twi Edward
NM Edward v. NM Jacob
NM Alice v. Twi Bella
Sunglasses Edward v. NM Edward

View Results

New Moon Nightmare

After realizing last week that I may have to work the night of the New Moon premiere, my level of angst over the movie has risen to DEFCON 2. Prior to reclaiming my Twiginity, I watched the original New Moon trailer and was somewhat dazzled (not just because of the prime JBone screen time). My hopes were high, and I couldn't contain my excitement over the movie. But as time has gone on, doubt has crept into my mind. The same person who wrote the Twilight screenplay also wrote New Moon and now Eclipse. And we all know how Twilight turned out. How many movies have you watched where the best parts are in the trailer and what's left in the movie just sucks? What if that happens with New Moon? I think I might die. So yeah, I'm kind of freaking out.

So when I woke up in a cold sweat the other night clutching my bosom and breathing heavily, you can understand my state of mind.

Well, I wish sexsomnia was my problem...yeah it's apparently a real sleep disorder. Wiki that shit.

No, I had a nightmare about the movie. Bitches and I were at the premiere with our WBPH t-shirts, action figures, cameras, and peanut M&Ms to use as ammunition against unruly tweens. We were finally allowed to file into the theater after waiting outside for hours. We scurried up to the top row in the middle (we were first in line natch) and readied ourselves for the movie event of 2009. While the previews played, Bitches shushed the tweens into silent submission, and then *gasp* it BEGAN! The movie started out okay, but as time went on, it morphed into some sick and demented movie featuring Megan Fox where she ate Edward. I wanted to claw my eyes out and gnaw my fingernails off. Yeah, so the cold sweat and unstable breathing was totally called for, no?

Luckily, we are still 59 days away from the premiere and Megan Fox has just bombed at the box office. I think it's safe to say that she won't be making an appearance in New Moon. Perhaps I need to chill a little and take an Ambien before bed.

Kickin' the Tires of the Regal Cinema

Much like everyone else, Bitches and I were very excited about the New Moon ticket pre-sale last week. Actually, Bitches was worried all week and finally sent me this email on Friday:

To: FC
From: Bitches
Subject: NM Tix

Ok, I was thinking about this the other day & the Twitarded girls said they just got theirs.....do we need to purchase our New Moon tickets now? Have you heard anything in regards to them going on sale in our area? I know it's a couple months away, but I'd be beside myself if we didn't get the midnight showing. I must look into this. I also think we will need to get to the theater early in the evening & camp out for good seats. I'd knock out a set of teenyboppers & risk arrest before sitting in the front. Ok, just had to get that off my chest. I feel much better now.

As I was working nightshift last week and was pretty much out of the loop, I immediately went online and found the tickets. But there was a big problem. The tickets are only being pre-sold for one theater in our area...the Regal Cinema. And of course it isn't our normal theater. So Bitches and I went back and forth all weekend and just couldn't make a decision. Finally we decided we just had to experience the theater. So last night we went to see a movie. We weighed the pros and cons of going to the Regal instead of the AMC.


And they said I wouldn't learn anything in business school! Pretty evenly matched wouldn't you say? In the end, the loveseats, the pre-sale, and the potentially un-ghetto crowd totally won out. Bitches better keep the armrest up...we may need to hold each other when Edward goes away *tear*.

More Emails from the Edge

Two nights ago, I was working hard on a post (not for here, for here) and needed a break. Being the good daughter that I am, I decided to email Mommy FC. This is what I sent her:

From: FC
Sent: Wed 8/12/09 12:16 AM
To: Mommy FC
Cc: SIL FC; Bitches
Subject: Mommy Dearest

Mom, I feel that I have given you plenty of time to get used to the blog, and I have left some subtle hints about how you now need to read The Saga and come into the fold or else. I was able to infect Bitches, SIL, my boss, and countless others indirectly with my Twi-mania, and since it is a mere 100 days until the New Moon premiere, I must insist that you read at the very least Twilight on your Canadian Rockies trip. You'll have plenty of boring airplane time to devote to the cause. I would even venture to say that you will probably zip through the book and may need to lend it to Aunt FC.

I'm going to speak for SIL FC and the niece when I proclaim that you must read Twilight and New Moon before Thanksgiving (when I will be home and we will all trek to the cinema and shell out tens of dollars to see this movie for at least the 4th or 5th time). Please be on the lookout for a package from Amazon. Believe me, you will thank me later. And in case you think you are the only bloggy Mom being forced to read The Saga, think again:

The Reluctant Twitard

On another note...I have decided to reclaim my Twiginity and will not be watching any movie trailers, interviews, or set-stalking pics. I fear I may have ruined New Moon for myself by watching everything available on the interwebs over the past few months, so I have vowed that Eclipse will be different. I want to be able to enjoy it like I did Twilight...pointing out every single thing that wasn't in the book. I hope that you will all support me in not being spoiler bunnies. Bitches is taking bets on how long I will last...she doesn't even give me until the end of the month.

And, yes, I realize that perhaps I have lost my sanity, but at the very least, it's been entertaining right? I'm burning the midnight oil literally doing a guest blog post and needed a break. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Oh, and mom, the Twitarded post does have spoilers, so you may not want to read the entire thing.

Love,
FC

Well, it's been 2 days...and nothing. Either Mommy FC is planning a Twintervention or I have stupefied her with my twihardedness. So I emailed SIL FC to get the goods on the situation on the home front this morning. Apparently, this is what Mommy FC had to say:

From: SIL FC
To: FC
Sent: Thu 8/13/09 7:57 AM
Subject RE: I blame you again‏ <--this is for introducing her to The Submissive and The Dominant and put the NSFW warning on there...and of course she read it at work!

She mentioned the email to me. She was confused. Her words were, "I received this really bizarre email from FC." I started laughing. She said, "she wants me to read those books but the niece would never lend them to me." I replied, "mom she is sending them to you via amazon." She was like, "Oh. Well, whatever." I told her it was only fair for her to have to read them, since she narked me out to you and you force fed them to me, lmao!

Somehow I don't think, "Oh. Well, whatever," was the appropriate response. *clasping hands together evilly* Mommy FC may be getting a mini-E delivery to her place of work one of these days. Mwuhahahahaha!

And for all of you who would also like to join the spoiler-free zone, here's some inspiration courtesy of EtomyB.

On My Way To Lunch Today...

As I was walking out of the house I noticed a large envelope on my kitchen counter. I was about to get really pissed off because I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen and here was one more thing messing up the place. I haven't actually seen the surface of my dining room table since some time back in 2008, so the fact that I can see my kitchen counter is a big win. Anyway, I figured I would stop and check what this envelope was in case it could go directly to the recycling on my way out. And then I saw it...my name and the Luftpost (airmail) stickers. What the heck? I wasn't expecting any packages, especially not something from overseas. And then I looked at the return address, and who else could it be but my Twitter besty MrsVanquish! My heart began palpitating faster and faster. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks (not those you naughty things...the ones on my face). As I ripped the envelope open with as much care as I could muster, I plunged my hand into the envelope to reveal a Robert Pattinson 2010 calendar! My breath caught and I let out a little squee! The BF asked what I received, and I lovingly showed it to him. There was an eye roll and then the statement, "That's not going in the bedroom." I quickly gathered everything up and headed off to lunch. I was bursting at the seams by the time I dropped by to see Bitches (actually she picked me up like a hitchhiker by the side of the road, but that's another story which isn't entertaining at all). Bitches was on her lunch break, so we had some time to peruse Mrs. V's precious care package. We also took some time to take some pictures with the dear Mr. Pattinson.

Things got a little hotter in the next set of photos. Between the laughter, Bitches' freaking out that her coworkers would find out (I'm sure they particularly liked it when I said, "just lick it already!"), and the obviously steamy poses, we were in pieces! Bitches had to go and turn on a fan to cool us down.

As I was trying to put the calendar away, I couldn't figure out why it wouldn't fit back in the envelope. Well lo and behold, there was more in the package! I eagerly fished the item out and found that it was a set of New Moon magnets. Bitches picked a particularly nice one of Mr. P. to put on her refrigerator. *Sharing is caring people.* I can't thank Mrs. V enough for these wonderfully delectable treats. Make sure to check out her blog and show her some love!

New Moon Merch!!!

Okay, so I just finished working a 12 hour night shift and downed a caramel frappuccino from Starbucks, so I am highly caffeinated and somewhat sleep-deprived. However, sometime this morning (I think it was around 3 AM 'cause that's when I started sending zillions of emails to Bitches and SIL FC thinking they could talk me down...yeah they would be up at 3 AM...heh) I started receiving twitpics from TwiFans about some fabulous New Moon merch.

It's Pocket Bella and Pocket Alice! Man, Alice's hair looks flat.

And of course, Pocket Edward must make an appearance. He's pretty dapper if I do say so myself.

But, this fella was the one that really got me crazy. Pocket Jacob! If you haven't been following me on Twitter then you may not know about my ambition to have a Pocket Jacob doll. I really was hoping for a two-pack: one with Jacob being normal and one in his wolf form. Alas, no pics of that, but there's still time right? Neca, hear my cry...give me a Jacob man-wolf 2-pack! **Just a note, I am NOT Team Jacob, I just really want a wolf...I think it would make for some excellent photography**

Okay, so what was my next logical step? Send the pics to my friends? RT to my tweeples (in English that means retweet the tweets to my followers)? Yes and yes. Find out where to buy these bad boys and girls? Yes. The next step, well, I kind of went over the edge. I found a site where you could pre-order all 4 action figures. So I emailed Bitches and SIL FC to let them know about it and that I was thinking of pre-ordering them. I mean $64.99 is a steal really when you think about it. I have already documented the hours of enjoyment to be had with my current Edwards and Bella. So I figured I would favorite the link and come back to order them later. Well, about 20 minutes goes by and I email Bitches and SIL FC back to let them know that they will be the proud owners of the set as well. Oh, and of course I chose express delivery, heh. The items aren't shipping until October...just in time for the movie. Yeah, it's going to be a Twi-Christmas at my house this year, so what if it's in October? The BF doesn't know it yet, but he's totally getting a Forks PE t-shirt (he'll never know, just like his Napoleon Dynamite PHS PE t-shirt).

So now what am I worrying about? What will they travel in? 7 artist's models--erm action figures won't fit in my little pencil case. Obviously the Edwards and Jacob cannot travel in the same case. And like hell will the Edwards allow the Bellas to ride with Jacob...so I guess Alice will be stuck with him. This is quite the dilemma, but I know that I will be able to get through it with careful travel consideration for all parties involved.

Ahhh, New Car Smell!

So Bitches and Mr. Bitches are out car shopping this evening after an unfortunate incident with a sunroof and lots of rain last Friday. You all remember Mr. Bitches, right? He did that awesome guest post last Thursday. Anyway, according to Mr. Bitches' Facebook status this morning they are deciding between a Honda Insight and a Jeep Compass.

Both of these options are both exceptional vehicles...the Honda for it's hybridity (yeah, I just made that up...better get it on wiki ASAP) and the Jeep for it's well, 4x4 all-terrain badness (good for driving on the NC beaches I s'pose).

But, since I am doing this post without Bitches knowledge and/or approval, I figured I would throw my 2 cents into the ring. How about a beautifully equipped Volvo C30? Please let me introduce you. It has four generous seats (generous enough for my tuchas?), a high performance audio system, first-class safety, distinctive R-design (WTF is that?), and gets 28 mpg.

I definitely think this is the car for the Bitches family. I mean who cares that it doesn't have 4 doors and that hauling a baby in and out of that sucker would be a bi-atch. (*Just a note in case any parental units are reading this...I do NOT have any information confirming that the couple is preggers. Although my cookie baby is coming along nicely!*)

I totally think that any car good enough for Edward Cullen to drive like 2 mph through Port Angeles (You all know what I'm talking about right? He was totally driving like a grandma, well not mine, she drives like a bat outta hell) is good enough for Bitches. So, I ask you all to please help me campaign for the Bitches family to purchase a C30. I mean how badass would it be to show up to theater when we go to see New Moon in one of those? 'Nuff said.

Burn it to the Ground!

So after being shut out of seeing the New Moon trailer at The Proposal last weekend, I was hopeful to see it at Harry Potter this evening. Nay, hopeful is not really what I was. I believe I may have on more than one occasion via Twitter threaten to "burn the theater to the ground" if I didn't see the New Moon trailer. A little extreme, I will admit, but how many tens of dollars do I have to shell out to see this trailer on the big screen? This isn't my first foray into threatening to burn something down. I previously wanted to burn down a Dairy Queen because every time I went there they were out of some key sundae ingredient. What key ingredients do you ask? Oh, a little thing called chocolate ice cream, another time is was chocolate sauce, and another time it was chocolate jimmies (not to be confused with rainbow sprinkles). I actually told my mom the next time we go to that Dairy Queen and they are out of something, that I would burn it to the ground. Luckily, they had every ingredient necessary to make my sundae, so they were safe that day. Okay, enough about my irate pyro ways. I did see the trailer and was happy as a clam for the rest of the movie.

Okay, so the movie. Seeing as how I haven't read the books in a couple of years and basically whatever I read pretty much drops out of my head as soon as I move onto my next book, I needed a little refresher on the Harry Potter-verse. I didn't feel I could commit to watching all of the movies this past week, so I figured I would go online and Google it. Yeah, well, instead of doing that I spent that day doing laundry, paying bills, and oh, watching a little movie called Twilight. It's called six degrees of Harry Potter okay? Totally related...I mean Rob Pattinson was in a couple of those Potter movies. Alas, it was time to meet my girlfriend (who admitted that she finally started reading Twilight this morning!) at the theater. So, not really remembering the book, I was going into this kind of blind, but I was ready to be entertained. The movie was great. But mostly I remember thinking that the people who did the makeup for the HP movie should have done the vampire makeup for Twilight. I mean, damn, don't these people look like vamps?

We're not vamps, but we are magical creatures! L to R: Draco, Snape, Tom Riddle, Harry and Hermione

And then I just started looking for random Potter stuff and happened on this action figure. Look at the craftsmanship. Does it remind you of anybody? Pocket Edward perhaps? Look at the opposable elbows, the legs that don't move, the painted on jeans, and non-removable jacket. I wonder if Harry's wang, er I mean wand (yeah, my funny referring to ming reading), detaches from his hand. Probably not. Who do you think would win? Harry does have a stand so, sure footing could be his greatest advantage (you bitches all know how tough it is to get PE to stand up on his own!).

Okay, well, I hope you all enjoyed my Harry Potter review. If you didn't and want a real one, hop on over to COD Widow's blog. If you did like it, leave me a comment! I know you lurkers are out there...why don't you just leave a little comment love? Who knows...perhaps we will become besties and I will send you a copy of the Sexy Stars of Twilight. Seriously, I did that for Mrs. V. And if you got here because you Googled jail bait...sorry!

New Moon Trailer Demographic?

Bitches and I have gone back to our movie-whore roots and have been going out to the movies practically every weekend. A couple of weeks ago I heard that the New Moon trailer might be shown with The Proposal. Well, we didn't go right out and see The Proposal and only saw it yesterday. In the meantime Bitches saw the New Moon trailer (*she assures me this an entirely different experience than seeing it on MTV or on YouTube*). Guess what movie she saw the trailer with? Just guess? Here's a hint.

And yes this is a Transformer unicorn-style. Hey, I've been reading Wide Awake, so cut me some slack, 'kay?!?

So, I just have to ask, who are they appealing to by showing the New Moon trailer during Transformers? Obviously to the girlfriends/wives/sisters that were dragged caveman style into the movie theater. I mean seriously, I'm not that excited about Josh Duhamel, and we all know that Megan Fox can't act.

After sitting through 7 trailers, each time Bitches and I were ready to squee into the safe darkness of the movie theater, no New Moon trailer. I almost walked out, but remembered Ryan Reynolds and nekkedness. Okay, so the movie was cute and enjoyable as most Sandra Bullock movies are, but seriously how messed up is it that one of the trailers was another Sandra Bullock movie?

Who do I have to frak (geek-speak for fuck) at AMC to see the New Moon trailer on the big screen? I am part of the more aged demographic, but hell, I see all of those movies that little girls see. Perhaps, with Harry Potter? I guess I will be off to the movies again this weekend!