We Need a Twilight FB Game!

Tired of seeing how many animals your friends have birthed in FarmVille or how many people they have iced in Mafia Wars on your Facebook News Feed? Don't know what I'm talking about? How about getting cell phones and designer shoes from your sorority sisters? Or being recruited to join someone's vampire clan. Still don't know what I'm talking about? Then I guess your friends don't waste as much time on Facebook as mine do.

Now, I will admit that every once in a while I get a wild hair and join a bunch of crazy groups or take a lot of innapropriate quizzes. Some of my favorites are Not Being Impaled, Not Being on Fire, Being a Smart Ass, Butts!, and of course CHEST HAIR!!!!

The picture had me at Hasselhoff

I just can't get into these games. I ignore every request to join and fit in with the crowd. But then a thought struck me. What if we had a Twilight Fan Fic game? I would be happy to fill up my friends News Feeds with Twilight game notifications. I'm thinking the app could be a choose your own adventure type of game. You could interact with your favorite characters from the Twilight fanfic-dom and go on all sorts of exciting trips. You could shop with Alice, get pierced by Tattward, spend some time with Domward, and enlist your friends to go kick some Volturi booty. I could spend some serious time with this kind of a game. I know there are lots of talented peeps out there, so someone should definitely get on this stat. Just think of the statuses that you could post from the game:

Fire Crotch just sent ball gags to 5 of her friends in Naughty Twilight

Bitches needs help killing Bella's mom in Naughty Twilight

Fire Crotch just got her clit pierced in Naughty Twilight and is offering a bonus to make you hot as she is.

Um, yeah, okay, maybe this needs to be toned down a little for Facebook, but you get the picture right? Anyone else on board?

TWI-tter PHAIL!

So rant Wednesday is going to be rant Thursday. After spending hours deep in code and just usual computer grossness, I wanted to take a break and catch up with the TWI-tter friends. At 10:30 AM I checked my TweetDeck and what do I see? No new tweets since 9:02 AM. So I didn't freak out right away because sometimes this happens, and rebooting the app usual fixes it. Reboot and nada. O!M!G! Seriously, this tehsuckzors. Still needing to get my social fix (I work in a cube in the far corner of the office where no one ever comes to see me), I hopped over to Facebook. No dice, it was being a bitch too. So now what the hell was I supposed to do? Not wanting to interrupt my XM radio on my iPhone, texting was out (seriously, can't someone fix this problem?). So, I went back to the old faithful...email. I know, yuck, right? So here's a sampling of the hundreds of emails I sent out today.

From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:40 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in

OMG...finally finished my mind-numbing report work and WTF do I find on TweetDeck? No new tweets since 9 AM. Then I try to go to Twitter and either the man is blocking it now or Twitter is having a major fail. I'm trying to do TweetDeck on my iPhone and it's getting nothing. I'm really hoping this is a Twitter problem and not me working at the suckiest place on earth.

From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:41 AM
Subject: RE: Just checking in‏

Okay, just found this, so I can stop freaking out...well sort of.

http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/twitter-down/

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:43 AM
Subject: FUUUUCK!‏

Twitter is down and I am freaking out!

From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in

and now FB is being a bitch and I can't update my status...kill me.

From: FC
To: sjAimee
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:00 AM
Subject: Hey

Since I got pulled into mind numbing work last night and totally lost your email, I am going to start over today with a new email since Twitter and FB are both being bitches. I am rewarding myself with some email time because I just spend 2.5 hours on more mind-numbing work this morning.

Anyway, I found myself humming to some Jonas Brothers song and I looked over at my Robward pic and he actually sneered at me. Okay, perhaps I have been working too hard.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 14:54:30 +0000
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!

What are you going to do!? Work?!?! : D I thought it was just me & my phone since I also couldn't bring up the link to Wide Awake.

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:02 AM
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!

No, twitter is down and they don't know why. FB is being a bitch too and I can't update my status with anything witty about how lost I feel without Twitter and now only have stupid FB. And just so you know, I have been hard at work all morning. I didn't even notice that Twitter wasn't working because I was so engrossed in my stupid stored procedure and Crystal report for like 2.5 hours. My brain hurts. And now I have to go do some other crappy shit. Boo.

From: FC
To: COD Widow
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:07 AM
Subject: Hey, it's me FireCr0tch‏

OMG...I'm starting to have the shakes about the whole Twitter situation. Glad you enjoyed the bad baby video. I was so psyched that it was online! And FB is being a bitch right now too. Aghhhh! Thanks for the comment. Work is killing me right now. I just spent 6 hours on 2 reports. SQL sucks sometimes. Okay, enough of my ranting.

From: FC
To: COD Widow; Cutie SSTB; riegerj; Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:13 AM
Subject: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

I'm kind of freaking out...and yes, I'm still emailing about it (and I don't apologize for slamming your inboxes full of my ranting). Twitter is suffering from a malicious attack and FB is being slow. I'm not lying. Check out:

http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/twitter-downtime/
http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/facebook-down-3/

What the hell am I supposed to do? I suppose I should go back to work, but I really needed a break after working for 6 hours on 2 measly reports (seriously riegerj, I hate Microsoft SQL and Crystal and want to kill myself). FML.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 15:50:52 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

I know I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but I am a tad amused...perhaps tonights post can be about how your survived, or didn't rather, the Social Network Apocalypse. It can be your struggles, the ups & downs you experienced and the general angst & withdrawals you felt.

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 12:02 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

I can't believe you are mocking my pain and want me to post it for sport. <--that was sarcasm because I know it may not come through that way

‏

From: FC
To: Mr. Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 1:16 PM
Subject: I can't even comment on your comment on my status

because FB is still being a bitch...what is its problem...I mean really. And why is there no communication. I am over FB I think.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:34:32 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

How are you holding up? Are you sweating and shaking profusely like a crack whore on your 3rd day of sobriety? Are you under your desk curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth in a catatonic state mumbling "fuck my life" repeatedly... Or, perhaps you've gone a more violent route, hissing & screaming profanities at everyone in a 20 feet radius...

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:45 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

Of course not...it's back up...at least for now...TweetDeck wasn't working for a while and that sucked balls. I'm just trying to make it through the rest of the day.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:49:59 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

Hehe...glad to hear you've survived the Social Network Apocalypse of 2009. Heh . I just tried to bring Twitter up & its now working...hmmm...

‏From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:52 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

I won't lie and say that there wasn't a 10 minute moment about 40 minutes ago where I was bobbing my knee up and down and chewing on my nails just wondering if my tweets were working.

So, yeah, I guess I am addicted to Twitter. I hope you enjoyed my lunatic ravings and some of the truly inspired replies I got from my peeps.

Love yous!
XOXO
Gossip Girl...wait...WTF?

Ahhh, New Car Smell!

So Bitches and Mr. Bitches are out car shopping this evening after an unfortunate incident with a sunroof and lots of rain last Friday. You all remember Mr. Bitches, right? He did that awesome guest post last Thursday. Anyway, according to Mr. Bitches' Facebook status this morning they are deciding between a Honda Insight and a Jeep Compass.

Both of these options are both exceptional vehicles...the Honda for it's hybridity (yeah, I just made that up...better get it on wiki ASAP) and the Jeep for it's well, 4x4 all-terrain badness (good for driving on the NC beaches I s'pose).

But, since I am doing this post without Bitches knowledge and/or approval, I figured I would throw my 2 cents into the ring. How about a beautifully equipped Volvo C30? Please let me introduce you. It has four generous seats (generous enough for my tuchas?), a high performance audio system, first-class safety, distinctive R-design (WTF is that?), and gets 28 mpg.

I definitely think this is the car for the Bitches family. I mean who cares that it doesn't have 4 doors and that hauling a baby in and out of that sucker would be a bi-atch. (*Just a note in case any parental units are reading this...I do NOT have any information confirming that the couple is preggers. Although my cookie baby is coming along nicely!*)

I totally think that any car good enough for Edward Cullen to drive like 2 mph through Port Angeles (You all know what I'm talking about right? He was totally driving like a grandma, well not mine, she drives like a bat outta hell) is good enough for Bitches. So, I ask you all to please help me campaign for the Bitches family to purchase a C30. I mean how badass would it be to show up to theater when we go to see New Moon in one of those? 'Nuff said.

Rant Wednesday - Dirty Old Man

Quick Twilight Rant: Um, I love my tweeps, but OMG! The twitpics you people are tweeting are insane! Between WetRob on my desk and the tweets, I can't concentrate on my real job! Okay, not really a problem, so moving on...


You have been warned, so I don't want hate mail y'all (although secretly I feel that I haven't really arrived until I get one). But seriously, with all of the craziness going on with Jon Gosselin the last couple of weeks, I would feel remiss in not doing a rant on his disgusting behavior.

1. First it was the new 22 year-old girlfriend, Hailey Glassman. That name sound familiar? No? Oh, she's just the daughter of the doctor who did Kate's tummy tuck.

2. Then they jaunt off to France...France!

3. And look how sweet and innocent she looks...or not. Turns out this chick has a cute mug shot.

4. Oh, and how could I forget Hailey's nice Facebook pics...I especially liked the one of her lying face-first in a hotel plant.

5. And guess who is talking with Jon and Hailey about a kids fashion line? None other than Ed Hardy designer Christian Audagier...but a bright spot appears early this week when it sounds like the deal has fallen apart.

6. And now comes word of an engagement. I can't make heads or tales of the reports (I'm going with false), but I really like the idea of him marrying 22-year-old convict.

Whew...Jon's had a busy week, but alas he had to come home and go to "work."

I really enjoyed this poll on Us Magazine's site today. Could those 3,000+ people who voted for Jon raise your hands? Seriously, you still like him more? Even when you have "Neither!" as a choice? I just can't get over how many people have voted...and yeah...I voted for Kate.