Pocket Edward Does NYC

This past weekend Bitches and I went to NYC with a 6 other hawt chicas. It was a big group and while they all know about our Twilight obsession, none have been successfully converted. That's a fail, I'll admit it, but I'm going to lay all the blame on Bitches. She sees these girls every Thursday night while I battle through airports. Anyway, the girls were quite accepting of Pocket Edward and our zany picture taking, and from checking out their pics of us taking pics of PE on Facebook today, it was a highlight of the trip.

We had to stop and get a picture with this amazing likeness of PE. The vendor hurried over to see what all of the hub-bub was about since there were 8 girls all circling this one picture with cameras and an action figure. I couldn't really tell if he was concerned or amused.

We visited the NBC store and went a little crazy. Neither of us watch Heroes, so we don't really know who this guy is, but Edward could totally kick his ass. I mean, the guy's name is Claude and he has a bird. Unless the bird can read minds and snap through steal with his beak, Edward wins.
Bella decided that she could take on this chick in the wife-beater. Can anyone tell me why she has and extra head? It's kinda disturbing. A guy came over while we were taking pictures in the store and totally felt that the Heroes figures were better than PE...ha...whatever!

Screen lickers unite!
And then Edward decided to do some licking of his own. I'm not sure what drew him to Smurfette, but she is pretty smurfy. Things started getting a little out of hand and we had to make a quick escape back to the t-shirt section.

I want to go to there!
Edward decided to do a little rock climbing in Central Park. He was happy to be in the outdoors after being followed around Bergdorf Goodman's by not one, not two, but three security guards.

Edward was eager to mingle with the ladies in Times Square. Unfortunately he thought the sign for the Virgin store was a place he could find actual virgins...heh, yeah, no.





All in all, everyone we met while taking pictures with PE was very receptive and helpful. Bitches has some more pictures in places like FAO Schwarz...yeah, we bring our own toys to the toy store. Heh. I'm already looking forward to all of the amazing pictures that I can take on my vacation in Florida...yay!

Oh the Suite Life!

Just when I thought I would have nothing to blog about today, turns out membership has its privileges. When I checked into my hotel this evening, I found out that I had been upgraded to a suite. Yeah, a suite. Obviously the little checker-inner people had no idea what they had just unleashed on the Taft Suite.

Welcome to my sitting room. Yeah, I'm totally rocking that leather sofa later. I'm thinking silk floor-length nightgown, champagne, and the pool boy feeding me grapes with my head lolled back on the arm of the sofa. Okay, well maybe not...I'll leave that to Pocket Edward and Bella.













For all of the times you have wanted to entertain a party of 6 in your hotel room, I bring you the dining room table. Ick...looks like Bella and Edward already got there.















I seriously tried to figure out how to turn the fireplace on...I can see the pilot light, but no dice. Ew! Pocket Edward and Bella are gross! Can't you two keep it zipped up for 15 minutes?















Hand-crank record player anyone? I'm totally getting down to the "Fair and Warmer" foxtrot later on tonight.
















Check out the claw-foot tub. And let me just point out that this is the second bathroom. I'm not going to show you the pic of Pocket Edward and Bella in the tub...let's just say there was bubble-age and clothes all over the place...what a frickin' mess!












Oh, sweet baby Jesus! I have to sleep on that bed tonight! Yuck! Why do they always have to have three-somes in my hotel rooms?














Now I need to call maid service to come and sanitize the room. I'll sit here and watch one of my two TVs while I wait. And the Privacy Please hanger is totally going out tonight...

New Moon Merch!!!

Okay, so I just finished working a 12 hour night shift and downed a caramel frappuccino from Starbucks, so I am highly caffeinated and somewhat sleep-deprived. However, sometime this morning (I think it was around 3 AM 'cause that's when I started sending zillions of emails to Bitches and SIL FC thinking they could talk me down...yeah they would be up at 3 AM...heh) I started receiving twitpics from TwiFans about some fabulous New Moon merch.

It's Pocket Bella and Pocket Alice! Man, Alice's hair looks flat.

And of course, Pocket Edward must make an appearance. He's pretty dapper if I do say so myself.

But, this fella was the one that really got me crazy. Pocket Jacob! If you haven't been following me on Twitter then you may not know about my ambition to have a Pocket Jacob doll. I really was hoping for a two-pack: one with Jacob being normal and one in his wolf form. Alas, no pics of that, but there's still time right? Neca, hear my cry...give me a Jacob man-wolf 2-pack! **Just a note, I am NOT Team Jacob, I just really want a wolf...I think it would make for some excellent photography**

Okay, so what was my next logical step? Send the pics to my friends? RT to my tweeples (in English that means retweet the tweets to my followers)? Yes and yes. Find out where to buy these bad boys and girls? Yes. The next step, well, I kind of went over the edge. I found a site where you could pre-order all 4 action figures. So I emailed Bitches and SIL FC to let them know about it and that I was thinking of pre-ordering them. I mean $64.99 is a steal really when you think about it. I have already documented the hours of enjoyment to be had with my current Edwards and Bella. So I figured I would favorite the link and come back to order them later. Well, about 20 minutes goes by and I email Bitches and SIL FC back to let them know that they will be the proud owners of the set as well. Oh, and of course I chose express delivery, heh. The items aren't shipping until October...just in time for the movie. Yeah, it's going to be a Twi-Christmas at my house this year, so what if it's in October? The BF doesn't know it yet, but he's totally getting a Forks PE t-shirt (he'll never know, just like his Napoleon Dynamite PHS PE t-shirt).

So now what am I worrying about? What will they travel in? 7 artist's models--erm action figures won't fit in my little pencil case. Obviously the Edwards and Jacob cannot travel in the same case. And like hell will the Edwards allow the Bellas to ride with Jacob...so I guess Alice will be stuck with him. This is quite the dilemma, but I know that I will be able to get through it with careful travel consideration for all parties involved.

Does Pocket E Photography Count as Art?

As I was rushing through security to get to the airport bar and down a beer before my flight (those pre-flight beers can be a savior...it can either say, hey don't bother me or I might throw up on you or hey I'm ready for a good time...just depends what kind of eyes you give the person sitting next to you) the TSA agend behind the scanner machine says, "Ma'am, are you an artist?" I was thrown off by a couple of things:

1. Ma'am? Wow, throw some cold water on my hot flashes why don't ya? Yeah, so I guess I'm not the cute young thang that I thought I was. Since when does 30 constitute ma'am? I'm still a miss fo' sho! I mean just because I bought a full coverage granny bra last week that has 2 hooks in the back and nice thick straps does NOT mean that I'm an old lady!
2. Artist? What the eff? Where is this coming from? After my confused expression, the TSA agents says, "well, I thought maybe you were because of the models in your bag, you know like those wooden models used for sketching?"

Help me! I've fallen and can't get up!

I'm obviously still confused until I remember what's in my laptop bag...oh yeah the Pocket Es and B. Yeah...if she only knew. I guess my Pocket E photography could count as art, right? I immediately break a sweat because I am starting to fear the dreaded TSA bag search. You know what I'm talking about. They put on those blue gloves (like you have random body fluids in your bag?) and take everything out and put it on display for everyone to see. I figure I am doomed because my watch already set off the metal detector when I walked through. The gods must have been smiling because the TSA agent dropped the whole deal and let me get my ass down to the bar. Another crisis averted!

Look at my super-cool x-ray like effect. Okay not really, but I'm still learning!

Let the Brainwashing Begin...

Before meeting our lady friends for lunch today, FC and I hustled over to Barnes & Nobles to procure our personal copies of US Weekly's Twilight Edition. As we drove over, we started to panic...what if they didn't have any left?! What if they'd sold out and were nowhere to be found! We calmed ourselves by reminding each other that there were several other book stores we could hit up just in case. The fretting was all for not, because, right as we walked through the door, there it was in all it's glory! We both squealed in delight and jumped up and down like twelve year old's at a Jonas Brother's concert. I think we also hyperventilated a wee bit. We attracted the attention of a crabby fellow who didn't seem to appreciate the magnitude of our joy. I shot him the evil eye and I think that skeerd him a lil bit. Ha.

Sister Bitches has been very uncooperative lately. She has outright refused to read Twilight. I've tried everything...begging, pleading, bargaining and bartering to no avail. I've told her that she'll regret it and besides, I'm her big sister, I know what's best for her, right? I think she's sick and tired of hearing me bitch about it, so, she finally agreed to watch the movie. No book, just movie. So, right now, she and FC are sitting on my couch and she's looking very unimpressed and bored awaiting the the start of the movie. She's also making fun of us for our Edward and Bella action figures and just doesn't seem to appreciate our Sexy Stars of Twilight Edition. I've really hoping that viewing of the movie whets her appetite for more. Besides, Taylor Lautner is her age, so, she's legally allowed to fantasize about him... We will give you a full update later.

Twilight Retreat - Day 2

As FC said yesterday, we were greatly in need of some relaxation, so we chose to holiday for the weekend in North Carolina. FC could barely contain herself as as we made the journey to the lake as she said she had a surprise for me. Me, always the nosy one asked a gazillion questions, which of course, she wouldn't answer. Well, she did answer one, which was whether Mr. Bitches would be horrified by it or not. Her response excited me further as I figured it must be Twilight related.

We'd barely got settled in, when FC ordered me out of the room while she set up the goodies. When I returned, she had a most scrumptious frosting covered cookie emblazoned with Edward's name as well as a set of Edward & Bella dolls. There was also a magazine with RPatzz on the cover...ahhh. We settled in for the evening noshing on cookie, catching up on Robert Pattinson & Kristin Stewart's alleged love triangle and reading our respective trashy smutty novels. The perfect evening.

We got up the next morning and did what we do best, we moseyed down to the dock to lay out while Mr. Bitches slaved away mowing and working in the yard. Poor guy. After baking in the sun a few hours we broke out Bella & Edward and giggled like two little schoolgirls as we played with them. I must say, I was quite grateful the neighbors had chosen this weekend to stay home...I do have a smidgen of pride I'd like to retain.

For some reason lil' Edward and lil' Bella started talking like pirates as soon as they got out on the water. Perhaps Edward spent some time at sea early in his vampirehood.

Ahoy matey. Prepare to be boarded!

Edward: That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Bella: Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

After that, things got a little out of hand. Hope you enjoyed our first Twilight Retreat! We sure did!

Twilight Retreat - Day 1

So Bitches and I felt that it was time for a little R&R and Mr. Bitches finally didn't have to work on the weekend, so we all headed down to NC for some fun in the sun. Little did Bitches know that I had planned to make this a "working weekend." And by work I mean, take lots of pictures with our old and new Twilight stuff.

So, finally, after 2.5 hours in the car, we arrived at the lake house. I was practically jumping out of my skin because Bitches still had no idea what I had in store for her. I ordered Bitches off into the other room while I set up the bounty of my online ordering and trip to Wal-Mart. Mr. Bitches did his patented eye roll mutliple times as I set all of this up.

When I purchased this delightful cookie cake, I wasn't going to get anything written on it, but always the icing whore, I decided I better get something. I first asked the girl for "We ♥ Edward" and the girl (no more than 16) says, "Twilight fan?" Okay, so after that, I was like, eff that, I'm going all the way...so I asked for "Webiteprettyhard ♥ Edward." Yeah baby!

Please notice that this is the Edward with the sunglasses. Oh yeah, and Bella too. We soon found out that his head doesn't move unlike the original Pocket Edward. I realized that I now have 2 Cullen crests...I think they would make awesome earrings...a little bulky, but awesome nonetheless.

Bitches is overjoyed by her haul of the of Twilight stuff. I was quick to point out that since we both now have 2 Edwards and a Bella that there could be some ménage à trois action going on. Mr. Bitches didn't even crack a smile on that one.

Stay tuned for Day 2 of the Twilight retreat. Bitches has some excellent pics of Edward and Bella in some, shall we say, compromising positions.