It's true. The only piece of fanfic I have read is Wide Awake. *hangs head in shame* Quiet down, quiet down. It's shameful, I know. Ever since FC mercilessly outted me on Twitter the other day, it has weighed heavy on my heart. Before you judge or blacklist me, I'm convinced I wouldn't be in this position if they came in book form. I'm not a fan of coming home after a long day of staring at the computer screen, only to continue the torture in the evening. No matter how many unicorns are involved. And while I have a crackberry which is an amazing piece of technology and a portable vessel in which fanfic could be easily accessed at any moment, reading more than a few pages isn't something I enjoy. Then, there is the bain of my existence, The Man. The Man has made the last months of my life absolute torture, and to be honest, after a long day of fuckery my brain discontinues functioning and all I want to do is sit in a darkened room in absolute silence. Even if I did have time to do some pleasure reading during work, apparently, my employer finds this activity neither productive or a fundamental activity to completing my daily tasks. So, I'm left to reading on my own time, which is sparse and cherished.
Anywho, I absolutely loved Wide Awake. I was hooked immediately and enjoyed the adult content. It also gave me a new phrase which fits perfectly into my life and is used often - FML. It's this reason (as well as the hounding and heckling I receive regularly from FC) that leads me to overcome my issues and read another fanfic. I've been assured that the below choices contain adult content (which is now a requirement for my smutty mind) and are each pieces of wonderment. Ultimately, I will read them all, however, I need a good place to start and figured, who better to ask than the experts?
The Rumors Are True: Please Help Me Redeem Myself
What should I read next?
Guest Post and Peace Out Yo!
In case you missed the ad on the right side of the screen, I did a guest post this week (thanks Cutes!). And now you know why I neglected WBPH this week. Sorry peeps...please come back! My visitor counter is suffering withdrawals! Check it out because I did an awesome job...and really, I'm being modest. I could really go on and on about how great this post is. I have already received threats from the other guest bloggers because they are so jealous of my mad indentation and italicization skills. If you don't go and read it AND comment, I will rain down my crotch fire upon you. BEWARE!
Additionally, Bitches and I will be traveling to NYC this weekend...so no new blog posts until Monday (possibly Sunday if you are good). If you see two girls licking the ass of the bull statue on Wall Street and fondling his balls...yeah, that was us. The Edwards (...and Bella too, meh) will also be going (some will be traveling in business class...others will be back in coach *cough* Bitches *cough*). Check back for hilarious pics next week. TTFN!
TWI-tter PHAIL!
So rant Wednesday is going to be rant Thursday. After spending hours deep in code and just usual computer grossness, I wanted to take a break and catch up with the TWI-tter friends. At 10:30 AM I checked my TweetDeck and what do I see? No new tweets since 9:02 AM. So I didn't freak out right away because sometimes this happens, and rebooting the app usual fixes it. Reboot and nada. O!M!G! Seriously, this tehsuckzors. Still needing to get my social fix (I work in a cube in the far corner of the office where no one ever comes to see me), I hopped over to Facebook. No dice, it was being a bitch too. So now what the hell was I supposed to do? Not wanting to interrupt my XM radio on my iPhone, texting was out (seriously, can't someone fix this problem?). So, I went back to the old faithful...email. I know, yuck, right? So here's a sampling of the hundreds of emails I sent out today.From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:40 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in
OMG...finally finished my mind-numbing report work and WTF do I find on TweetDeck? No new tweets since 9 AM. Then I try to go to Twitter and either the man is blocking it now or Twitter is having a major fail. I'm trying to do TweetDeck on my iPhone and it's getting nothing. I'm really hoping this is a Twitter problem and not me working at the suckiest place on earth.From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:41 AM
Subject: RE: Just checking in
Okay, just found this, so I can stop freaking out...well sort of.
http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/twitter-down/From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:43 AM
Subject: FUUUUCK!
Twitter is down and I am freaking out!From: FC
To: SIL FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in
and now FB is being a bitch and I can't update my status...kill me.From: FC
To: sjAimee
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:00 AM
Subject: Hey
Since I got pulled into mind numbing work last night and totally lost your email, I am going to start over today with a new email since Twitter and FB are both being bitches. I am rewarding myself with some email time because I just spend 2.5 hours on more mind-numbing work this morning.
Anyway, I found myself humming to some Jonas Brothers song and I looked over at my Robward pic and he actually sneered at me. Okay, perhaps I have been working too hard.From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 14:54:30 +0000
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!
What are you going to do!? Work?!?! : D I thought it was just me & my phone since I also couldn't bring up the link to Wide Awake.From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:02 AM
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!
No, twitter is down and they don't know why. FB is being a bitch too and I can't update my status with anything witty about how lost I feel without Twitter and now only have stupid FB. And just so you know, I have been hard at work all morning. I didn't even notice that Twitter wasn't working because I was so engrossed in my stupid stored procedure and Crystal report for like 2.5 hours. My brain hurts. And now I have to go do some other crappy shit. Boo.From: FC
To: COD Widow
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:07 AM
Subject: Hey, it's me FireCr0tch
OMG...I'm starting to have the shakes about the whole Twitter situation. Glad you enjoyed the bad baby video. I was so psyched that it was online! And FB is being a bitch right now too. Aghhhh! Thanks for the comment. Work is killing me right now. I just spent 6 hours on 2 reports. SQL sucks sometimes. Okay, enough of my ranting.From: FC
To: COD Widow; Cutie SSTB; riegerj; Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:13 AM
Subject: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
I'm kind of freaking out...and yes, I'm still emailing about it (and I don't apologize for slamming your inboxes full of my ranting). Twitter is suffering from a malicious attack and FB is being slow. I'm not lying. Check out:
http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/twitter-downtime/
http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/facebook-down-3/
What the hell am I supposed to do? I suppose I should go back to work, but I really needed a break after working for 6 hours on 2 measly reports (seriously riegerj, I hate Microsoft SQL and Crystal and want to kill myself). FML.From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 15:50:52 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
I know I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but I am a tad amused...perhaps tonights post can be about how your survived, or didn't rather, the Social Network Apocalypse. It can be your struggles, the ups & downs you experienced and the general angst & withdrawals you felt.From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 12:02 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
I can't believe you are mocking my pain and want me to post it for sport. <--that was sarcasm because I know it may not come through that way
From: FC
To: Mr. Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 1:16 PM
Subject: I can't even comment on your comment on my status
because FB is still being a bitch...what is its problem...I mean really. And why is there no communication. I am over FB I think.From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:34:32 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
How are you holding up? Are you sweating and shaking profusely like a crack whore on your 3rd day of sobriety? Are you under your desk curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth in a catatonic state mumbling "fuck my life" repeatedly... Or, perhaps you've gone a more violent route, hissing & screaming profanities at everyone in a 20 feet radius...From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:45 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
Of course not...it's back up...at least for now...TweetDeck wasn't working for a while and that sucked balls. I'm just trying to make it through the rest of the day.From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:49:59 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
Hehe...glad to hear you've survived the Social Network Apocalypse of 2009. Heh . I just tried to bring Twitter up & its now working...hmmm...From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:52 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse
I won't lie and say that there wasn't a 10 minute moment about 40 minutes ago where I was bobbing my knee up and down and chewing on my nails just wondering if my tweets were working.
So, yeah, I guess I am addicted to Twitter. I hope you enjoyed my lunatic ravings and some of the truly inspired replies I got from my peeps.
Love yous!
XOXO
Gossip Girl...wait...WTF?
Rant Wednesday - We ♥ Rachelle
WTF Summit?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Thanks wheatysgirl for the awesome pic.Sign one of the many petitions to keep Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria in Eclipse. And if you have been hiding in a closet rocking back and forth in the fetal position waiting for the next chapter of Wide Awake and don't understand all of the hoopla blowing up on the interwebs, click here to find out what I'm talking about.
Petitions:
www.petitiononline.com/Rlefevre
http://301.to/600
And go crazy on Twitter! #BringBackRachelle
Okay, to change the subject, here's a little ditty that I saw a while ago and still makes me laugh. Please to enjoy.
TwiPorn Book Club
For those of you not up on Twitter (ahem, Bitches), my girl cuteangiek over at SSTB is going to be hosting a Twi fanfic (I have been assured that there is adult content) book club on Friday nights. The first selection is Wide Awake by Angstgoddess003. Clicky the awesome pic (courtesy of Cutie herself) for the link. The content is mature, so no immature underage readers please.
I really can't express my excitement about this epic event. Thanks Cutie for hosting! Check out her sweet site for all the dets. Now go out and read some porn!
