Pocket Edward Does NYC: Part Deux

As FC told you all yesterday, we took a girls trip to NYC this past weekend. The girls had been forewarned weeks in advance of Pocket Edward's presence during this trip and advised he would be whipped out at a moments notice to document his journey to the city. They were surprisingly welcoming of him and even offered suggestions.

On Saturday, we stepped into FAO Schwartz. I say stepped because we literally "stepped" in and out of the store. We bailed while the other gals shopped & power shopped our way through the Apple Store & Bergdorf Goodman's. We didn't last long in Bergdorf Goodman's since we were rather offended to be trailed by 3 security guards. Come on, don't we JUST look like the type that would stop in and pick up a few 5K bags? Hmph. Anyhow, PE rather enjoyed his 2 minute stop in the toy store.

While we were snapping away, a grown chick walked by and actually squealed to her boyfriend, "Look, it's Edward Cullen!"

We also stopped by the NBC Store in Rockefeller Center. PE was rather excited to see Matt Lauer and begged for us to take his picture with him. He's a lot taller than I'd imagined.

I think FC may have been grabbing Matt's ass.

No trip is complete without frolicking through Central Park. Yes, that is me cheesing it like the psycho freak I am.

PE was feeling rather frisky and was copping a feel of my boob. I didn't mind. I liked it.

PE had no part in the following images you are about to view. We found ourselves with some time on our hands and since I have no shame, the following events kept us entertained. If you have a weak stomach or you're easily horrified by 80's apparel, please do not look at the following pictures. Please to enjoy.

What terrified me the most about this get-up was that Mr. Bitches was mildly turned on by it. *shudder*

You may have seen me on the street corner in Times Square working as a Lady of the Night.

As we all know, FC is OBSESSED with unicorns. I think she can literally spot one in a mile radius. So, NYC was no exception. She jumped up and down like a three year old when she saw this gem.

I'm thinking Christmas pressie.

Pocket Edward Does NYC

This past weekend Bitches and I went to NYC with a 6 other hawt chicas. It was a big group and while they all know about our Twilight obsession, none have been successfully converted. That's a fail, I'll admit it, but I'm going to lay all the blame on Bitches. She sees these girls every Thursday night while I battle through airports. Anyway, the girls were quite accepting of Pocket Edward and our zany picture taking, and from checking out their pics of us taking pics of PE on Facebook today, it was a highlight of the trip.

We had to stop and get a picture with this amazing likeness of PE. The vendor hurried over to see what all of the hub-bub was about since there were 8 girls all circling this one picture with cameras and an action figure. I couldn't really tell if he was concerned or amused.

We visited the NBC store and went a little crazy. Neither of us watch Heroes, so we don't really know who this guy is, but Edward could totally kick his ass. I mean, the guy's name is Claude and he has a bird. Unless the bird can read minds and snap through steal with his beak, Edward wins.
Bella decided that she could take on this chick in the wife-beater. Can anyone tell me why she has and extra head? It's kinda disturbing. A guy came over while we were taking pictures in the store and totally felt that the Heroes figures were better than PE...ha...whatever!

Screen lickers unite!
And then Edward decided to do some licking of his own. I'm not sure what drew him to Smurfette, but she is pretty smurfy. Things started getting a little out of hand and we had to make a quick escape back to the t-shirt section.

I want to go to there!
Edward decided to do a little rock climbing in Central Park. He was happy to be in the outdoors after being followed around Bergdorf Goodman's by not one, not two, but three security guards.

Edward was eager to mingle with the ladies in Times Square. Unfortunately he thought the sign for the Virgin store was a place he could find actual virgins...heh, yeah, no.





All in all, everyone we met while taking pictures with PE was very receptive and helpful. Bitches has some more pictures in places like FAO Schwarz...yeah, we bring our own toys to the toy store. Heh. I'm already looking forward to all of the amazing pictures that I can take on my vacation in Florida...yay!

Does Pocket E Photography Count as Art?

As I was rushing through security to get to the airport bar and down a beer before my flight (those pre-flight beers can be a savior...it can either say, hey don't bother me or I might throw up on you or hey I'm ready for a good time...just depends what kind of eyes you give the person sitting next to you) the TSA agend behind the scanner machine says, "Ma'am, are you an artist?" I was thrown off by a couple of things:

1. Ma'am? Wow, throw some cold water on my hot flashes why don't ya? Yeah, so I guess I'm not the cute young thang that I thought I was. Since when does 30 constitute ma'am? I'm still a miss fo' sho! I mean just because I bought a full coverage granny bra last week that has 2 hooks in the back and nice thick straps does NOT mean that I'm an old lady!
2. Artist? What the eff? Where is this coming from? After my confused expression, the TSA agents says, "well, I thought maybe you were because of the models in your bag, you know like those wooden models used for sketching?"

Help me! I've fallen and can't get up!

I'm obviously still confused until I remember what's in my laptop bag...oh yeah the Pocket Es and B. Yeah...if she only knew. I guess my Pocket E photography could count as art, right? I immediately break a sweat because I am starting to fear the dreaded TSA bag search. You know what I'm talking about. They put on those blue gloves (like you have random body fluids in your bag?) and take everything out and put it on display for everyone to see. I figure I am doomed because my watch already set off the metal detector when I walked through. The gods must have been smiling because the TSA agent dropped the whole deal and let me get my ass down to the bar. Another crisis averted!

Look at my super-cool x-ray like effect. Okay not really, but I'm still learning!

I Heard the Word Blog...

On my way home (I use that word loosely as I was just going back to the hotel), I heard the word "blog" on the radio and immediately my ears perked up. What was this? And then I heard the name and address of my hotel. So WTF is going on? A blogging convention? Count me in! I even have my Pocket Edwards and Pocket Bella with me this week (I can only imagine what the security screeners were thinking when they held up the line to do extra checking of my laptop bag)! I listen further, already thinking of excuses for not showing up for work tomorrow and how I could still get all of my hours in this week. Anyhoo, then I hear it...it's a talent scouting event...ugh, count me out. Although that would explain all of the annoying chillins sitting outside of my room making a racket last night. Get off my lawn! So where the hell did I hear the word blog again? Oh yeah, the website is www.proscoutblog.com. Hmmm...what a disappointment...until I went to the site and checked out some of their new discoveries.

Answers the boxers or briefs debate for me: after this pic, I am definitely a tighty-whities girl.

Okay, back to my original idea for this post...I was thinking that Pocket Edward should make an appearance at this shindig tomorrow. He definitely has the talent to take it all the way. I mean, he makes love to the camera. Okay, so I am way too distracted by this picture and can't keep going...please to enjoy.

Fourth Festivities

To celebrate the 4th we journeyed yet again to the lake. I was quite pasty and in desperate need of some sun. I've decided that the best way to hide stretch marks is to camouflage them with a tan, so, the lake was a great place to enjoy the company of friends whilst tending to my troubled bits. After a long and arduous day floating around on the lake, spying on the neighbors and grilling, we decided we needed to end the day with a bonfire and sparklers - since we're too cheap (Fine, I'm too cheap. Mr. Bitches really wanted to purchase some, but I shot him down) to buy any supercool fireworks. Of course, we don't go anywhere without Edward (and Bella, although, to be honest we don't give a rats ass about her) he joined in on the festivities.

I must give a shout out to Mr. Bitches & his photography prowess. He amused us all by directing Edward to "make love to the camera" & "give me your pouty lips" and of course "do sexy eyes, do sexy eyes."

No bonfire is complete without s'mores. Heck, they were the only motivating factor in getting our lazy slightly burned arses off the couch and outside to plop ourselves in front of the fire the boys so sweetly had made for us.

Edward enjoyed some luscious deliciousness that are s'mores.

Since s'mores are incredibly messy (Just ask FC, I was warned against posting the pics by threat of death. Perhaps another day. Heh.), Edward needed a bath. Of course, I was more than happy to oblige.

Such a dirty, dirty boy. Just the way I like 'em.

Let the Brainwashing Begin...

Before meeting our lady friends for lunch today, FC and I hustled over to Barnes & Nobles to procure our personal copies of US Weekly's Twilight Edition. As we drove over, we started to panic...what if they didn't have any left?! What if they'd sold out and were nowhere to be found! We calmed ourselves by reminding each other that there were several other book stores we could hit up just in case. The fretting was all for not, because, right as we walked through the door, there it was in all it's glory! We both squealed in delight and jumped up and down like twelve year old's at a Jonas Brother's concert. I think we also hyperventilated a wee bit. We attracted the attention of a crabby fellow who didn't seem to appreciate the magnitude of our joy. I shot him the evil eye and I think that skeerd him a lil bit. Ha.

Sister Bitches has been very uncooperative lately. She has outright refused to read Twilight. I've tried everything...begging, pleading, bargaining and bartering to no avail. I've told her that she'll regret it and besides, I'm her big sister, I know what's best for her, right? I think she's sick and tired of hearing me bitch about it, so, she finally agreed to watch the movie. No book, just movie. So, right now, she and FC are sitting on my couch and she's looking very unimpressed and bored awaiting the the start of the movie. She's also making fun of us for our Edward and Bella action figures and just doesn't seem to appreciate our Sexy Stars of Twilight Edition. I've really hoping that viewing of the movie whets her appetite for more. Besides, Taylor Lautner is her age, so, she's legally allowed to fantasize about him... We will give you a full update later.

Twilight Retreat - Day 2

As FC said yesterday, we were greatly in need of some relaxation, so we chose to holiday for the weekend in North Carolina. FC could barely contain herself as as we made the journey to the lake as she said she had a surprise for me. Me, always the nosy one asked a gazillion questions, which of course, she wouldn't answer. Well, she did answer one, which was whether Mr. Bitches would be horrified by it or not. Her response excited me further as I figured it must be Twilight related.

We'd barely got settled in, when FC ordered me out of the room while she set up the goodies. When I returned, she had a most scrumptious frosting covered cookie emblazoned with Edward's name as well as a set of Edward & Bella dolls. There was also a magazine with RPatzz on the cover...ahhh. We settled in for the evening noshing on cookie, catching up on Robert Pattinson & Kristin Stewart's alleged love triangle and reading our respective trashy smutty novels. The perfect evening.

We got up the next morning and did what we do best, we moseyed down to the dock to lay out while Mr. Bitches slaved away mowing and working in the yard. Poor guy. After baking in the sun a few hours we broke out Bella & Edward and giggled like two little schoolgirls as we played with them. I must say, I was quite grateful the neighbors had chosen this weekend to stay home...I do have a smidgen of pride I'd like to retain.

For some reason lil' Edward and lil' Bella started talking like pirates as soon as they got out on the water. Perhaps Edward spent some time at sea early in his vampirehood.

Ahoy matey. Prepare to be boarded!

Edward: That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Bella: Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

After that, things got a little out of hand. Hope you enjoyed our first Twilight Retreat! We sure did!

Twilight Retreat - Day 1

So Bitches and I felt that it was time for a little R&R and Mr. Bitches finally didn't have to work on the weekend, so we all headed down to NC for some fun in the sun. Little did Bitches know that I had planned to make this a "working weekend." And by work I mean, take lots of pictures with our old and new Twilight stuff.

So, finally, after 2.5 hours in the car, we arrived at the lake house. I was practically jumping out of my skin because Bitches still had no idea what I had in store for her. I ordered Bitches off into the other room while I set up the bounty of my online ordering and trip to Wal-Mart. Mr. Bitches did his patented eye roll mutliple times as I set all of this up.

When I purchased this delightful cookie cake, I wasn't going to get anything written on it, but always the icing whore, I decided I better get something. I first asked the girl for "We ♥ Edward" and the girl (no more than 16) says, "Twilight fan?" Okay, so after that, I was like, eff that, I'm going all the way...so I asked for "Webiteprettyhard ♥ Edward." Yeah baby!

Please notice that this is the Edward with the sunglasses. Oh yeah, and Bella too. We soon found out that his head doesn't move unlike the original Pocket Edward. I realized that I now have 2 Cullen crests...I think they would make awesome earrings...a little bulky, but awesome nonetheless.

Bitches is overjoyed by her haul of the of Twilight stuff. I was quick to point out that since we both now have 2 Edwards and a Bella that there could be some ménage à trois action going on. Mr. Bitches didn't even crack a smile on that one.

Stay tuned for Day 2 of the Twilight retreat. Bitches has some excellent pics of Edward and Bella in some, shall we say, compromising positions.

PE Makes Friends with the Natives

After picking PE up at lunch from Bitches, it was time to introduce him to my babies.

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...

What a stupid lamb.

What a sick masochistic lion.

Hold on spider monkey!

Do I dazzle you?

You're intoxicated by my very presence.

He looks at you...like you're something to eat.

Yes, you are exactly my brand of herion.

...and fade to black...

Hope you all enjoyed a look back at some great quotes from SM and the movie. And as if that weren't enough, courtesy of awkwardfamilyphotos.com I bring you Mommie the Pooh.

So, You're a Vegetarian?

After only 2 full business days (thanks to Amazon Prime, which I highly recommend) of waiting with bated breath...HE'S HERE! I tore open the box to see the prize that awaited me in all his custom-made pea coat, highlighted, and off-kilter butt seamed glory. I confided in FC, seeing him in person makes me feel like I've hit a new low in my obsession, however, we console one another in the fact that he's no different than Flat Stanley. Right?! I'm glad you all agree.



Of course, PE was quite hungry when he arrived from his long journey from Amazonland. So, he set his sights on Elby (from now on known as BB (Bitches' Bitch)). Here are some photos from the standoff that ensued...

Pocket Edward comes in peace, although BB would make a nice snack, wouldn't he?

BB thinks this new toy looks pretty darn tasty...