Scorned Lover

There was a time when I prided myself on being a fairly well rounded individual when it came to current events. I'd usually start my day with some CNN to see what was going on in the world, then make my way over to US Magazine and People to see who was knocked up and who had split up. My other trollings would take me to TMZ and the NY Times. Every time a new political scandal broke or spring breaker went missing, I was on top of it and followed the story until the body was found or the political figure was cleared of any wrong doing, naturally.

Current events hasn't been the only area of my life to suffer. Tivo's have taken a terrible hit as well. Every day I see the long list of Oprah, Gossip Girl and 90210's glaring back at me like a scorned lover. I keep making promises, telling myself that tomorrow will be the day I give them my undivided attention, but that has yet to happen. Mr. Bitches had to all but threaten me last week to watch American Idol and we're still a week behind.I realized I had a problem recently when my coworker expressed her delight of Drew Peterson's arrest for the muder of his 3rd wife. This is a story that I had followed for quite some time so the fact I had missed such a huge development was a big wake up call. This has happened repeatedly over the last month and it's all Twilight's fault. I say it's all Twilight's fault because that's what began my downward spiral. After completing Twilight I just couldn't stop! After an appropriate period of mourning (2 days) I took FC's advice and began the Southern Vampire Mystery series and now I've moved onto Outlander (in which FC has promised me much adult content...horray!). And, when I'm not reading, I'm trolling the internet in an attempt to score more Twilight scoop. Now, instead of reading the news I find myself religiously checking my favorite blogs for up to the minute Twilight happenings. I personally recommend TwiCrackAddict for it's very informative nature and TwilightWidower's and Twitarded for their pee yourself humor. Well, enough of that. FC just informed me I have another couple hundred pages to go until I get to the especially salacious bits of Outlander.

Speaking of internet trollings, I just couldn't help myself. It cracks me up every time.

TwiShame

People don't snort their first line in pursuit of becoming an addict. This is how I feel about my shameful addiction that all began in mid April a couple weeks after FC casually mentioned a book she had recently enjoyed. Since we have similar tastes and have been swapping books for years, I was mighty curious. The answer shocked me. Twilight. What the eff?! Wasn't that the movie that legions of hormonal teenage girls were obsessed with and the movie with the actor who had the crazy unwashed nast hair?! Indeed it was. I have to say, I am rarely one to judge, however, I was feeling kind of judgy. For the next couple of weeks FC pursued me like Charlie Sheen chasing a hooker while I continued to mock her for her new infatuation. She sat with uncontained excitement and a gleam in her eye as I opened the gift she'd given me for my birthday. Lo and behold, it was the first installment of the series. I crap you not, the next morning at 8am the text arrived, "Dude, have you started Twilight yet?!" My first reaction was, "Dude, quit sweatin’ me!" So, I promised to start it soon. That evening, my love affair began. Before I'd even finished it I plotted to get the next book. On my lunch break I hoofed it to Barnes & Noble and made a beeline for the Fiction section. No luck. Then I made my way over to the Science Fiction section. Again, no luck. I started to panic - I MUST have it immediately! Having limited time and desperately wanting to get back to my office to continue reading, I did the unthinkable - I asked. I pretty near peed myself when I was told "Oh, that's in the teen section." I attempted to seem nonchalant and make no eye contact as I quickly snatched up New Moon when a gal a couple years older than me conspiratorially told me the series was half-off at Wal Mart. I initially felt some relief until she said "I bought the set for my daughter the other day." Well then. Feeling rather faint, I quickly grabbed my book and raced to the cashier. I then ran like a bat outta hell to my car. This fix not lasting long, two days later I was faced with the same situation yet again. I ended up going to 3 stores in pursuit of my next score. Along the way, I ran into another older gal who felt equally ashamed of her addiction, and we consoled one another like only a fellow Twilight lover can. By the end of the week, I'd completed all four books. During that week, I had abstained from any internet trolling for fear of spoilers. So, once I'd completed the series the floodgates opened and FC directed me to Twitarded, TwiCrackAddict, Twilight Widower, and a host of other delightful sources for my Twilight fix. It's been happily ever after ever since.

Well, almost. I have to admit it wasn't without guilt. Poor Mr. Bitches suffered terribly that week (and the next couple of weeks due to my next obsession all thanks again to FC. Although, this time I didn't balk one bit at her suggestion, more about that later). He suffered without my company (a considerable and overwhelming loss) while I was locked away demanding silence. He also went without his usual tasty home cooked meals in favor of quickly thrown together dishes, that is, when I cooked at all. He definitely deserves some extra special adult fun.

*I do have one grievance, though. The culmination of Bella & Edward's relationship didn’t satisfy me. Like the addict I had become, I needed something stronger. I pounded my fists in frustration and cursed YA all the while promising myself that my next reading choice would most definitely include some adult content. Oh, and it did.

Don't Judge Us

Inspired by the likes of Twitarded and TwiCrack Addict, we've decided to start our own blog. While we both are deeply and irrationally in love with all things Twilight, we have made sure to make time for our other loves as well. These loves include, but aren't limited to, books, celebrity gossip, and purses. Please note that while we will do our best to keep our content PG (ok, fine, PG-13, who are we kidding?), at times we will be unable to help ourselves in the name of humor. Because of this, some posts may be rated TV-MA LSV. Admit it though, the trashier the better. And, if you don't, and you're easily offended, we suggest you take your blog-trolling elsewhere and not come crying to us.

Sincerely,

Bitches and Fire Crotch (aka FC)

P.S. Thanks IBitePrettyHard for allowing us to ride your coat tails.