BlogoWriMo Day 5 - You Googled What?

Every Thursday I get an email detailing the hilariously depraved ways people find our humble little site here. A near constant is the searches for "jailbait," "real jailbait" (cause there's fake jailbait out there?), and "jailbait blog." A note to blog babies...don't put the word jailbait in a post, in a label, in a title...no where. Just don't do it.

But we do get our fair share of funny/scary searches as well. Please to enjoy:

1. dear google, i want to see a real unicorn - well, these aren't real unicorns, but it is quite the collection


2. i hate megan fox but she makes me cum - This person is a sick...please get help.


3. rainbow brite sex unicorn
   


4. betti porn


5. so you masturbate while watching twilight - Don't tell me you haven't at least thought about it...the kissing scene, the baseball scene, the gazebo scene...



6. douchebag beard pics


7. spencer pratt self castration - Sounds like this would be a bloody mess...we can't have that on our blog.


8. central coast parent magazine - This one is probably the most disturbing of all the searches.


9. dirty old man forced fuck


10. "hydraulic level 5" - I love the fact that this search is in quotes...sounds more important doesn't it?


11. sexpart - Which sex part?


12. porn movies frombitches wifes - Someone has some pretty poor typing skills.


13. what's wrong with vanilla sex - Absolutely nothing...at least you're getting some.


14. granny panties with pocket - Now I really want panties with a pocket...you could keep all sorts of things in there...corn cobs, beer, lobsters, grandpa sweaters...


15. shouldn't be allowed to breed - Too late...we have spread our twi-love far and wide.


16. vanilla the rabbit sex game



17. waiting to masturbate with electric toothbrush but someone's in the bathroom - An electric toothbrush? Really? Not a whole lot of girth to work with there...


18. granny gobblers - I suspect with Thanksgiving quickly approaching everyone will be able to slip this little gem into everyday convo.


19. 1 - Yeah, we are number 1


20. And then there are the crotches: fire crotch tattoo, 100% fire crotches, cuties firecrotch, open crotch panties, jailbait panty crotch pics, 80s firecrotch porn

Let Google Search Help You!

After a long bloggy absence (okay it's only been since Saturday), I come back today stronger than ever. Okay not really. I just totally ripped off the idea from here because I have a lot of work to do and don't have the time or energy to be original. Sorry peeps.

So you know how when you type stuff in the Google Search and it prompts you with possible queries? If not, go to Google and try it, after you read this blog of course fool! Here are some mighty interesting searches for sure.

I understand all of the doomsday stuff, but check that out...we twi-hards must have our Twilight DVDs! It's certainly more important than finding out when the recession will end but slightly less important than finding out when you will get your tax refund. Here's why: lots of peeps needed the refund to go and purchase said Twilight DVD.

People want to know where the vice president lives only slightly more than they want to know where Robert Pattinson lives. Hmmm...very interesting. I can't understand the Miley Cyrus inquiry, perhaps it's all of the middle-aged stalkers she has.

TMI alert! I have googled "why is my poop green." You'll have to google to find out why it turned green. And now I totally need to understand "why is a raven like a writing desk." Sounds like some crazy-ass English assignment that the kid was hoping to copy from the interwebs.

"How does Twitter work?" Not very well the for the past week. And I would also like to know how David Blaine levitates...he is the spawn of Satan...seriously, he is creepy. Maybe if he dated Cameron Diaz it would bring his creepiness level down to defcon 3.

You seriously don't know what "if you seek Amy" means? Still? Even after the Britney song? You probably are the same person who doesn't understand what "sofa king awesome" means either. Here's a hint...just say it fast...and if you still don't get it, then it's probably something you don't do very often.

"She's more important than the antichrist and Lady Gaga..."
"What is, who is Robert Pattinson dating?"
Ding, ding, ding! "You are correct. Make your next selection."
"Thanks Alex, I'll take crazy Google searches for $400."

Thanks for joining the studio audience. Here's a lovely parting gift for you.