With Mega Millions fever running rampant across much of the US...okay perhaps it's only a fever in my head...I've given a lot of thought in the past couple of weeks to how winning this massive jackpot would or wouldn't change my life. And by massive, I mean $252 big ones with a capital M. Sorry for all you Powerball players...one ticket hit the $260 million jackpot last week. Anywho, I've gone through the normal list of things to do:
- Hire a personal driver. Yes, this has been my dream basically since my 18th birthday when I was handed the keys to a car and thus apparently became responsible for my own transportation. I hate driving. I wish all the stupid drivers (you know you are: the people who drive under the speed limit in the left-hand lane, the people who do not signal when turning, the people who are too busy talking on their cell phones, texting, reading, eating, or otherwise engaged in an activity not condusive to driving) would just get off the road already and let me clip along at 90 mph. I think a personal driver would make perfect sense, and yes, it would be the first thing I would do.
- Make Mommy FC retire. And how do I propose she break the news to her coworkers? I'd have her roll up to her place of business with a bunch of Costco sheet cakes all emblazoned with this slogan: "Toodaloo motherfuckas!" Too much? Perhaps, but I would certainly get a kick out of it. *To explain this proverbial middle finger to her employer, Mommy FC is a prolific baker. Her cakes, breads, and cookies are highly sought after in her workplace. Growing up as a child was tough in the FC household. We would have to smell and see these wonderful tasty treats being made on a weekly basis for meetings, birthdays, and just because. Then they would be whisked away by Mommy FC saying that these are "for work." So yeah, they get Costco sheetcakes, which frankly are super-tasty and probably still too good for these people.
- Pay off the credit card, the car (only 8 more payments and it's all mine!), the mortgage
- Take a month-long vacation with Bitches and Mr. Bitches and buy lots of purses (Aspen Food and Wine festival anyone?)...and Mr. Bitches can bring a friend to go to basketball games and whatnot with.
- Build a cell phone tower receiver thing on my roof...seriously...why do I have to walk outside to get cell phone reception?
Those are the immediate concerns. Obviously I would have to think about the rest of my family, but that's boring, so let's move on to what I began thinking about today. How would my Twi-life change? I was making my bed and was kind of shocked that I hadn't thought about this subject before. Twilight has become such an integral part of my life. From the blog to Twitter to vacationing with Pocket Edward, I would have so much to gain by winning the Mega Millions. Just think about it for a minute...gone would be the tweets, "RL calls, bbl" or "gotta make dinner" or "need to go to work." Okay, well, maybe not the "RL calls, bbl" tweet because Lord knows that massuer out by the pool can't wait for you all day and meetings with your personal shopper must be taken. However, I was able to come up with a few Twi-related purchases that would definitely enhance my Twi-life.
- A nice shiny volvo
- A kiss from Robert Pattinson...for charity of course!
- Plane tickets (first class of course...or maybe a private jet) to Forks...time for a little field trip
- Those creepy looking Tonner dolls
- Bitches and I will definitely be getting the VIP package to all of the Twi-conventions
- And Memory_Jean and I will totally become groupies for 100 Monkeys
Ah, just thinking about all of the time that I could spend blogging, tweeting, reading fanfic, and learning how to do proper photo manipulations so that I can put my face convincingly over KStew's in all couply pics with RPattz, makes me jizz in my pants just a little bit. Perhaps I would even embark upon writing my own fic (Tasha, you know the one).
So I will leave you with this final thought in closing. If you won millions, what would you do to make your Twi-life better?
