WeBitePrettyHard

Time for Tasty Treats

2010-03-08T19:00:00.000-05:00

It's my birthday, but I thought I would give you all a little somethin' somethin' from my weekend at the Twilight Convention in Atlanta with Amber from Eyes of Amber.

Me and the PFach. Yah, my boob is totally touching him.

Me and Daniel Cudmore (Felix). Totally swoon-worthy, but not in this pic. I may now be Team Felix. Amber almost copped a feel of Daniel's boo-tay since she's so short and he's so tall...heh. Oh, and I'm doing the patented "Heather face." Daniel laughed, heh.

Oh, and if anyone is looking for a last minute gift...this would be perfect.

What the Eff Have I Been Doing?

2010-03-03T22:30:00.001-05:00

Okay, so it's been over two months since my last post. I know you have all missed me dearly. Um, well maybe not. The lurkers have still been checking out some choice images on the site pretty regularly though. Yup, I totally see you all. Anyhoo, what the eff have I been up to the last 2 months? Here's the update:

Online dating - My goal is to be one of those cheesy, good-looking eHarmony couples on those commercials that are on all the time. Seriously, start watching live TV (non-Tivo'd) and you'll see a bajillion of them and you will want to kill those people. More to come on the online dating...seriously, I could start a separate blog about it, but I won't.
Hesseltime - I haven't made any time for any blogs lately...except this one. Seriously...check it out. You won't be sorry.
Strap Perfect™ Bra Concealer Clips - Do you have a problem with your bra straps falling down? No, well I do...I was constantly adjusting and feeling myself up...those days are over. I got these "As Seen on TV" clips and let me tell you, the girls have never been higher. Someone actually stared at my boobs instead of my face yesterday!

Trips - I went to visit MJ and Cutie over New Year's. More to come on this trip. But yes, we met Jackson Rathbone. I spent the Super Bowl with Meg, and let's just say I did not partake in the special brownies. And this weekend, Amber and I are going to a Twilight Convention in Atlanta!
Pranks - I got moved to another cube at work and now hang out with 2 really awesomely fun and smart guys*. They have been keeping me on my toes the last couple of months, hence less time with you all in bloggy land. However, they do not love my RPattz calendar...and a prank war was begun. There will be more to come...with pictures.
Bewitched Bookworms - Check out the new blog that I am participating in with some highly esteemed company. We'll be reviewing and discussing books here, so check it out!

So, I'd like to welcome you all back and hope that I have whet your appetites for what is to come!

*I had to say those things about my coworkers because they found this blog 2 weeks ago and threatened to plaster pictures of me in the Snuggie and other compromising positions all over the office. Really they are mean, scary troll boys who only speak Klingon for fun.

You Know You Want It

2009-12-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

It was definitely a Twi-Christmas in the FC household this year. From Bella and Edward Barbies to Team Jacob t-shirts (yes, for Mommy FC) to Twilight board games to Snuggies. Yes, I said it, Snuggies. I purchased 2 fleece blankets back on Black Friday and commanded Mommy and SIL FC to make me a Snuggie. Why not make it myself you ask? I didn't own a sewing machine (I do now...Mommy FC gave me one for Christmas...I think she may be telling me something. Perhaps it's, "Make your own damn Snuggie!" or maybe it's, "Hem your own effing pants!"). Anyway, Mommy FC told me a couple of weeks ago that we would need to discuss the "Snuggie situation" as there was a "Snuggie snafu." A Snuggie snafu? WTF? Needless to say I was a little more than disappointed, but I tried not to let on how down I was about it. I stayed strong.

And then I arrived home and SIL FC (also known as IvyLane24) was showing me a Twilight blanket that one of her annoying office co-workers gave her. Methinks she's not so annoying any more, but I digress. Anyway, Brother FC says, "Hey, why don't you make it into a Snuggie since you and Mom figured out how."

Wait...um, what? So, yeah, Brother FC totally blew Mommy FC's ruse out of the water. I think we all remember how SIL FC fooled me for months about her fanfic writing. Needless to say I was a little irritated that Mommy FC felt that she could pull the wool over my eyes a second time. She even went so far as to present me with a real Snuggie...hahahaha...she thought she was so funny!

Yes, this is the one I got...and yeah, it came with the special bonus reading light. So exciting! But then Mommy FC brought out the real deal and here I am modeling it for you.

Um, did you notice who's on my boobs? And then I made SIL FC model it as well. You may notice that the Snuggie only took one fleece blanket to make...so yes, there is a second New Moon Snuggie hiding in my closet.

Christmas blew up all over the place in here. It took nephew FC 2 days to unwrap all of his presents. But truth be told, he wasn't really that interested in unwrapping clothes since he got a new talking Elmo. Here's hoping the talking potty chair works miracles.

More Christmas Twi-goodness is on the way in a future post...stay tuned! Love you Mommy FC! Oh, and I need to extol the virtues of the Snuggie. You can blog, read fanfic, and scroll through your blogroll while wrapped in your Snuggie. You know you can't do that in a regular blanket!

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 24

2009-12-24T21:00:00.002-05:00

Thanks to RobsButtonsBabe's awesome RobNip for the final day of the advent calendar!

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 23

2009-12-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

This last one was for Mommy FC.

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 22

2009-12-22T21:00:00.003-05:00

Santa Pattz created by Hybeccer

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 21

2009-12-21T21:00:00.002-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 20

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 19

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 18

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 17

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 16

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 15

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 14

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 13

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 12

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 11

2009-12-11T21:00:00.001-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 10

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 9

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 8

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Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 7

2009-12-07T21:00:00.001-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 6

2009-12-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 5

2009-12-05T23:55:00.000-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 4

2009-12-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 3

2009-12-03T21:00:00.002-05:00

Twi-Advent Calendar - Day 2

2009-12-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

So this morning I had an excellent idea...I'm so humble, I know. Since I'm trying to be good and not gain a hundred pounds this holiday season I have eschewed my usual chocolate-filled advent calendar, but my fingers still yearn to open those little doors. So how about a Twilight advent calendar? We missed yesterday, so we get to open two doors open today. Please to enjoy.

If you have any pics you would like included, please email them to me at webiteprettyhard[at]hotmail[dot]com.

BlogoWriMo - The Results Show

2009-12-01T21:00:00.001-05:00

Ahhhh...as BlogoWriMo draws to a close, guess what I just found out? BlogoWriMo is an actual thing. Well it's really called NaBloPoMo, but it doesn't have the same ring to it. Anyway, you know what this means right? Next year I'm roping all of you into this insanity! Yes! They have prizes! You know you want an Edward Cullen Sock Zombie!

But I digress. The real reason that I did BlogoWriMo was to raise money for CCFA. For every comment that I received during November (and yes, I included a couple of latecomers), I promised to donate $1 to CCFA. You all did not disappoint me!

You raised $379!
I'm sure you all know that this is an organization close to Fragile Little Human, and I asked her to write a little something to help close out BlogoWriMo 2009.

When you find out you have IBD, you're embarrassed to tell anyone because you're afraid of how people will react. It's not exactly dinner-table conversation material. I've been blessed in my life to have lots of family and friends and the CCFA to support me during a lot of unpleasantness.

Now, my circle of friends has expanded with all the wonderful women (and maybe a unicorn or two *wink*) I've met in the Twi fandom. I am so grateful to you all for commenting away so FC can donate her hard-earned money to help the CCFA continue to support patients and researchers in their fight against Crohn's and UC. I am also thankful to those who made their own individual donations. I ♥ you all!

FC, you are my hero - you have been unfailingly wonderful to do all this, and it means a lot to me. *trying not to sing "The Wind Beneath My Wings" or some other crappy song*

Fragile threatened bodily harm if I didn't include the last paragraph, so in return I decided that we had to have a unicorn picture. Don't worry! I searched for "tasteful unicorns" and this was the most tasteful of the lot...trust me.

If you want to donate to CCFA on your own, you can do that here or you can text a donation from your phone!

BlogoWriMo Day 30

2009-11-30T21:00:00.006-05:00

We have reached the final day of BlogoWriMo. I know, a tear is coming to your eye, but I urge you to wipe it away. I'm not going to let the last 30 days, the hundreds of words written, the questionable pics uploaded, all fade to black just when I've built you up to a fevered pitch and then shower you in feathers. No, I'm going to keep going. I know some of you doubted me and were taking bets on how long I would last...you know who you are...and I'm going to come and hunt you down like Laurent racing from the wolf pack. Yup, just like that.

You all have been awesome with your comment love and have raised a bunch of money for CCFA! I will have the final tally tomorrow. Yup...a post tomorrow...well unless this stomach thing really gets serious (thanks SIL FC...seriously, you shouldn't have hugged me).

But I have been pondering the things that I have missed out on in the last month because I have been blogging like a mad-woman. Okay, not a mad-woman exactly, I will be the first to admit that I phoned some of those posts in and/or pulled them out of my ass...yes the smelled like ass too. So here are some of the things that I missed this past month:

Blog trolling - and I know you have all missed my outlandish comments on your blogs; and everyone has changed their blog designs! Simply gorgeous ladies!

Fanfic induced wet panties - my inbox looks like a who's who of naughty written deliciousness; it's going to take a while to get through all of it; and yes SIL FC, I will beta chapter 2 of AFLB!

Now back to the reason I started BlogoWriMo...to ~~copycat~~ support all of the lovely ladies who participated in NaNoWriMo:

Fragile Littel Human
COD Widow
onepushyfox
uhyesplease
EyesofAmberBlog
Honolulu Girl
So, how did they do? Well, I'm not really sure. You'll have to ask them yourselves since I was otherwise occupied. Perhaps they will let us all know in the comments! So who's up for the challenge next year? I will do BlogoWriMo again next year, so some of you better do NaNoWriMo!

So what did you miss while I was blogging? Did you miss Bitches? Tell her how much you heart her and can't wait to see some new stuff from her. Trust me, she has some stupendous posts coming up.
Love you all...and there is still time to comment! I'm taking comments until 11:59 PM EST tonight! Do it...or else it's going to get really ugly up in here (um, yeah, that's kind of a quote from Jacob in NM, but you know I can't quote movies to save my life)!

BlogoWriMo Day 29 - I'll Never Get Laid in This Bed Again

2009-11-29T21:00:00.004-05:00

But does it really matter? I have Edward in my bed every night, heh.

BlogoWriMo Day 28 - Twi-Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

As promised, the Pocket Army came out to play for the annual FC family Saturday Thanksgiving feast. Mommy FC is the best cook ever!

This li'l Pilgram is fully protected, if you know what I'm saying...

Jacob is always so helpful to Mommy FC...yuck.

What a marshmallow!

Food fight! Looks like Jacob has a wicked curve ball with the mashed potatoes.

Clean up is a bitch. Don't I look like I'm doing the Bella cross-eyed face?

Too bad you can't eat pumpkin pie...it was delicious.

I'll take a slice of apple pie with a side of Guidoward, please!

Hope you have all enjoyed these pics and had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

BlogoWriMo Day 27 - Black Friday Twilight Style

2009-11-27T21:00:00.006-05:00

After getting over the shock of my 89 year-old grandmother starting out our Thanksgiving feast talking about how she suffered from her first bout with diarrhea this past week (this only strengthened my theory that every dinner-table conversation we have in our family devolves into shit, even the classy ones), we ate, drank, conversed, and then went home to plan our Black Friday shopping strategy. (*Note: I forgot the pocket army and have no pics, but Mommy FC is doing another Thanksgiving tomorrow, so not to worry.) Oh, and back to the diarrhea thing...seriously, she never had it before? In 89 years? Crazy! Yeah, and Aunt FC totally started singing the diarrhea song.

The shopping strategy went out the door because we were all too tired to remember the plan at 3 AM. We ended up zig-zagging back and forth across town with a baby and a car filled with Christmas presents no less than 5 times. And thank you nice lady who told me that the Giant on Cowpath Road had the Keurig coffee maker for only $59.99! Eat it Bed, Bath and Beyond - 50% off (clearly the best buy of the day)!

I did manage to acquire a bit of twi-merch. First stop: Toys R Us. Mommy FC and SIL FC skipped the toys and went to Old Navy where we had to wait in the longest line known to man. When I joined them in the line at Old Navy and started showing off the merch, obviously the people behind me were just jealous...on the inside. Then we went to more places I can't really remember, and coming upon one of the weakest Salvation Army bell ringers in history...he didn't even have a bell. I remember going to Target where SIL FC ran over at shouted at some women in the Barbie aisle. The coveted Bella Barbie and the Twilight Scene It game are now mine. A few hours later I acquired a new tree for the Twi-Christmas tree (don't forget to send pics of your ornaments!).

This chick has some really awesome stuff! Check her out here!
Nine hours and hundreds of dollars later we rolled up to the FC estate to unload our spoils of war. But really the most important purchase was 2 New Moon fleece blankets I pried from the cold dead hands of little tweens at 4 AM this morning. Why would I need two? It's for a Snuggie bitch! Born out of a New Moon viewing, Meg and I came up with the fabulous-o idea of making a Twilight Snuggie. After ~~minutes~~ hours of searching the interwebs for Twilight Snuggies and finding nothing, I vowed that I would make one. Thank goodness Mommy and SIL FC are handy with a sewing machine. Stay tuned for the unveiling of the Twilight Snuggie. You will be blown away. For those of you wondering what the eff a Snuggie is, please to enjoy:

BlogoWriMo Day 26 - Giving Thanks

2009-11-26T13:00:00.001-05:00

I will start off this post with a bit of mush, so just deal with it. I am thankful for all of our readers and commenters here on WBPH. You all have made BlogoWriMo a rousing success and I know that Fragile Little Human and CCFA are going to be really happy with the donation at the end of the month! Keep commenting...only a few more days left. Wanna know how much we have raised so far? Check out the thermometer over there -->

Okay, now onto the more base things that I am thankful for this holiday season:

Doin' it - thanks Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson

The DILF - thanks Mr. Weitz...even though you look eerily like the late Christopher Reeve and speak like a valley girl,I'd still do you because of your excellent work on New Moon

Action Figures - I would like to amend this a bit...I'm also thankful to TSA for snickering every time my laptop bag goes through the X-ray machine

Charlie Pepper Spray Rambo - thanks to Betti and Mrs. Vanquish for this wonderment

Full-size Jasper - nothing more needs to be said...MJ and Cutie are da-bomb

Haikus - I'm thankful for those girls over at the Twiangle; if you haven't checked out their Hump Day Haikus...do it!

Robporn - amcas...I heart you!

Fanfic - thank you for making me run through panties like toilet paper at the New Moon movie

Phil Dwyer - if it weren't for you going off to Florida and playing minor league ball, Bella would never have gone to Forks...

BlogWriMo Day 25 - It's Gonna Be a Twi Christmas

2009-11-25T22:30:00.001-05:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! One month to go peoples...and apparently snow flakes are already in the forecast here. Gah! I hope you have compiled your lists and checked them twice (I'm still hunting for a Barbie Bella). We all know that Santa never really leaves coal, so you better have some good stuff waiting for him by the tree.

Calling all crafty Twi-hards. Send me pics of your best Twilight holiday decorations (webiteprettyhard[at]hotmail[dot]com). I will post them throughout the month of December. I'm making a Twilight tree this year...think red ribbons, red apples, pics of Robward, corn...it's going to be epic!

BlogoWriMo Day 24 - Must Be Dead Bird

2009-11-24T21:00:00.004-05:00

Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh

We have all had bleeding vaginas at one time or another. Can you imagine putting a tampon up there that smells like garlic? Ew. Two words: dead bird.

BlogoWriMo Day 23 - Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry

2009-11-23T21:00:00.004-05:00

So I am home for the Thanksgiving holiday and finally was enjoying my first home-cooked meal in months. After finishing an excellent dinner with Mommy FC and SIL FC, I leaned back in my chair and contemplated eating a piece of chocolate cake. At this point SIL FC asks me, "So when are you going to finish reading the second chapter of my story?"

I didn't blink an eye and said, "Well, I just haven't had the time and the first time I read the chapter it needed some work." Wait a second...what? Her chapter?

Yes, well it seems that I have been duped. SIL FC is actually one of my favorite fanfic authors, IvyLane24. And I only have one thing to say about it.

Apparently Mommy FC was also complicit in this deception as was sjAimee. Just watch out. You are all on my radar now.

If you are wondering what IvyLane24 has written, check out the following stories:
A Twisted Twilight Tale
A Fine Line Between
The Volturi Affair

BlogoWriMo Day 22 - I Drive Like a Cullen

2009-11-22T22:00:00.000-05:00

Apparently the Virginia State Police doesn't like it though. Now taking donations to pay my huge ticket.

BlogoWriMo Day 21 - Anti-Fuckery Prayer

2009-11-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

Before the movie on Thursday night, Bitches and I caught a quick bite at our local Chick-Fil-A. Yes, I know I said we were having Gobblers, but I made the command decision that they would be too messy. Bitches cannot deal with goo and stickiness.

As we saunter into Chick-Fil-A, we realize that it's kids night and the place is absolutely crazy. We order and Bitches immediately searches out a booth. Let's just say I was a little over-joyed when the only booth open was the one right behind her super-Christian gyno. Remember the shirt that Bitches procured? The "I would strip for the Cullens" shirt? Yup, totally awesome.

After we sat down to eat our tasty treat, Bitches prayed for our food (out loud...yeah I went there, but it's a big deal...she never prays for my food). And at the very end of the prayer she sneaks in a little something especially for New Moon.

I just about fell out of the booth once I realized what she had said. Our dear little Bitches. Even your prayers include potty mouth. But, the good Lord heard her prayer. There was no fuckery during the movie. Now on Friday night...that was a different story...

BlogoWriMo Day 20 - Feelin' Pervy

2009-11-20T21:00:00.005-05:00

We anticipated for months.
We purchased tickets.
We stalked theater workers about seating.
We flirted with little high school boys (ok, it was more Bitches than me).
We watched.
We cried.
We jizzed.
We...felt...pervy.

Even though I had seen the pics of Taylor shirtless in GQ and Men's Health, I wasn't prepared. I even ridiculed Mommy FC for crushing on our favorite jailbait. I may have jizzed in my pants when Jacob took his shirt off to sop the blood off of Bella's head after the motorcycle accident. I may have jizzed again when Bella comes to bitch out Jacob for ignoring her after the movies. And then there was a bunch of jizzing after that because Jacob didn't have his shirt on for the rest of the movie (well except for when they walked on the beach after the dog fight). At one point I said out loud, "This is so wrong."

I wanted Bella to make out with him. I wanted her to stay when he begged her not to go after Edward. And when he and Edward had their little argument, I kinda wanted them to go at it. TayTay brought it with a vengeance. I heart him hard. Thank you Taylor Lautner for making New Moon so awesome.

BlogoWriMo Day 19 - Squeemageddon!

2009-11-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

We are in the theater awaiting Twilight with baited breath. I fear there may be fuckery behind us, but Bitches has assured me that she has the duct tape. I was able to procure a Burger King crown as well. It has been quite the productive day.

We hope that everyone has an enjoyable and fuckery free movie experience! And that you don't jizz too much as to be emarrassing.

Love, Bitches and Fire Crotch

BlogoWriMo Day 18 - Jizzing and Depends

2009-11-18T21:30:00.001-05:00

Jizzing is what I will be doing tomorrow night beginning at 9 PM. Okay, well probably earlier. Bitches and I will be meeting at 7 PM. She's bringing the peanut butter M&Ms, and I'm bringing the Gobblers and New Moon candy bars. Who's going to bring the Depends?

One more day! Just one more day!

BlogoWriMo Day 17 - Are You Team Jedward?

2009-11-17T21:00:00.007-05:00

No not the Jedward you think I'm talking about. I know you all thought I came up with a cutsie new Switzerlandish type name for those of you who are too pussy to pick either Team Jacob or Team Edward. Get it? The J from Jacob + Edward = Jedward. See what I did there?

Really the choice is clear isn't it?
Due to my love of(or near obsession with) BBC Radio 1 I have become aware of a duo dubbed Jedward. They're on the show X Factor (the British precursor to American Idol). Apparently Jedward is making waves on the show because they aren't very good singers. But just look at them...how cute are they? They kind of remind me of Sanjaya and the ponyhawk.

I especially love how the one twins can't dance. Oh, and the other one can't rap. But their hair is awesome! I bet they are going to go all the way. Heck even Simon Cowell kind of likes them.

Check out this BBC Radio 1 interview with Mr. Pattinson. Apparently Scott Mills partied a little too hard the night before and wasn't able to make it to the interview. And since one of my co-workers interrupted my Pattinson rapture this afternoon, let's all watch it together.

New Moon is only 2 days away!

BlogoWriMo Day 16 - It's a Love Story

2009-11-16T21:00:00.007-05:00

A few weeks ago I got a bright idea. They don't happen very often, so I seized it and immediately went to work. After selling my beloved U2 tickets last month (seriously, I missed out on Muse too, but I will be seeing them next July), I had a little money left over and decided that it would be fun to spend it on some Twi merch. Around the same time I saw the full-size New Moon character posters. The one that really got me excited was Jasper. And then I thought...you know who else likes Jasper? Memory Jean! How much fun would it be to send FSJ to MJ's doorstep? That's where the plotting came into play. Not knowing MJ's address I contacted her bestie, Cutie. It was decided that Cutie would take care of the element of surprise. And that's where Cutie picks up the story. I humbly present to you, WBPH's first guest blogger, the cutest of all cutes, Cutie from Super Secret Twilight Blog!

*cutie blushes*

The honor is all mine, thou who's crotch doth fire.

*bows down before the flaming one*

You and Bitches run an amazing blog here on WBPH,

with Mr. Bitches and his shenanigans lurkin' about.

And I feel greatly honored that you have

asked me to be your first guest poster!

But you *points at the reader* aren't here to see me stick

my nose up Fire's ass. So let's get right to this tale.

When Fire emailed me that she was going to send Ms. Sassy Pants MJ

a full sized Jasper I knew something wonderful was about to take place!

For those of you who aren't aware, the MJ is slightly obsessed with the BoneMan.

**Thanks, I spit out my Cinnamon Dulce Latte when I read this line...the BoneMan, hehe.**

The meeting between the two was epic and

I could tell it was love at first sight:

I know...

I am speechless as well...

So... um...

*pondering the wrongness of what she just saw*

an-E-ways....

They got along reeeaaallllly well.

They just couldn't take their eyes off of one another!

Before you could say corn dog they were holding hands.

Ms MJ with her oh so subtle moves was making Jasper shiver.

But when she started with the light pettin':

...that's when we found out that the sun isn't the only thing

that makes vampires sparkle.

Jasper was having a hard time hiding his.. errr... happiness. **ew!**

And I found the need to leave the room quickly

when they moved their meeting to the couch...

Annnd...

the rest as they say is history...

The End.

(And I think we all know it was a happy ending. *grins wickedly*)

Note from MJ: *blushing profusely* This never happened....

Note from cutie: Keep telling yourself that, my friend. *giggles will hugging MJ*

Note from FC: You girls totally rocked this post and are welcome back any time. I love yous!

BlogoWriMo Day 15 - It's Gobbler Time Bitches

2009-11-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

This is one of my favorite times of year...not because the leaves are so pretty or the nip in the air or Black Friday sales, but because Wawa (my local gas/convenience store chain) has the Gobbler. What exactly is the Gobbler? Oh, let me tell you. It's an entire Thanksgiving feast on a hoagie roll. Complete wonderment. The hot turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce combine together to make the perfect sandwich. Just take a gander.

Now I know there are going to be some haters on this sandwich, but until you have tried this ultimate tastiness with some provolone cheese melted in it, I beg of you, keep your opinions to yourself. I totally think Rob would like it with a beer...and some corn. And when he visits I'll be sure to get a pic of us in line at the Wawa deli counter eating our Gobblers.

Oh, and for those of you wondering which shirt I'm wearing to the premier...I'll be wearing the Sparkle Fool shirt on Thursday night and the Charlie Rambo shirt on Friday night when we meet Meg for the movie. Poor Bitches may have to re-wear her stripper shirt. Pictures will be forthcoming.

BlogoWriMo Day 14 - It's a T-shirt Bonanza!

2009-11-14T21:00:00.005-05:00

For the past few days I have been leaving cryptic statuses on my Facebook account about squeemageddon and t-shirts. Cryptic you ask? How so? Well, this is my real life (RL) Facebook account and the majority of my "friends" don't know about my Twilight obsession (only those nearest and dearest to me). And then on Friday it happened, one of my co-workers at my current client asked me what squimidgeon was. Thought 1: respond with a question...what do you mean? (because obviously she didn't spell it right so how the hell should I know what she's talking about. Or Thought 2: tell the truth...or as much as I was willing to reveal. So this is what I sent back to my co-worker:

From: Heather (because for obvious reasons I don't go by FC at work)
To: Heather's Co-worker
Subject: Re: how RTs do charges (that's top secret shizz)

Oh, um, that's what people are calling the premiere of New Moon (you know the new Twilight movie). All of us fangirls will be squeeing all over the place. Here's the definition of squee from Urban Dictionary:

A noise primarily made by an over-excited fangirl, however it has spread rapidly and is now widely spread among the web community.
Ex. Omg!! New Harry Potter book out!! Omg Squee squee! omg!!!

I tried to make it less obvious to my Facebook friends what I was talking about. Only a very few chosen ones really know what I'm talking about, heh. Hope this at least made you laugh!

Of course this made her laugh...I am sure that I will be the butt of many jokes when I come back on Monday, but let me tell you this...at least 3 separate women have come up to me secretly to tell me how much they have loved Twilight. Yeah, that's what she said! Okay, so why is this only half the truth? Because my own personal definition of squee also includes some female jizzing. Just sayin'.

So, onto the rest of the Facebook status...the shirt. Amber and Kerry from Eyes of Amber were nice enough to send me a CafePress t-shirt. I don't want to reveal why...let's just say smuggling may or may not have been involved. Anyhoo, I've been sweatin' whether or not the shirt would arrive in time for the premiere. This afternoon I checked my mailbox and guess what I found. Not one but two packages from CafePress. I was absolutely certain my shirt had finally arrived. I knew that I must immediately put it on and model it for you.

I know...I'm totally a contender for Rack of the Week right?
But what of the second package? I was absolutely perplexed! It turns out Betti and Mrs. Vanquish are super awesome and sent me a special shirt! Check it out and drool bitches!

If you don't recognize this awesomeness, then you should check out the Twilight Book v. Movie discussion. Still not convinced? Then check out the front and back shots of this awesome shirt and then go check out the discussion!

Thank you everyone! Today was like Christmas...a Twilight Christmas! I love you all!

BlogoWriMo Day 13 - Rob's Unlucky Day

2009-11-13T21:00:00.009-05:00

Happy Friday the 13th! In honor of this day, Rob decided that he would test some of the oldest superstitions in the book. Let's see how he makes out shall we?

Uh oh...a black cat. Don't walk across his path...wait...don't...don't do it! But Rob thinks cats are gross.

Oh noes! Not the umbrella...now bad luck will rain down on you Rob!

Walking under a ladder...Rob is now in league with Satan...seriously, check it out.

And now he is going to have seven years of bad luck for breaking that mirror. Or maybe it was all of the screeching fangirls who did it.

I don't know, but I think Rob is one lucky bastard. I don't think any of these things could cause him bad luck, do you?

Many thanks to RobsButtonsBabe and Rob-Nipulations for all of the awesome pics. She is the bomb!

BlogoWriMo Day 12 - Comments Please

2009-11-12T21:00:00.008-05:00

First, I want to start out with something really nice. Did you see Mrs. Vanquish's blog recently? No? Well, guess what. She gave me an award. I know, who would give this potty mouth an award...especially after the corn post. Well believe it haters because here it is!

And do you wanna know why she gave it to me? Not because I wrote her an awesome comment like Betti, but because for every comment one of my BlogoWriMo posts gets this month I am donating $1 to CCFA. Remember? Check out the total so far over in the sidebar.

And for those of you who read the corn post and the comments, you may have noticed a not so nice anonymous comment in there. And if you didn't here it is:

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? WTF.. Can you even fucking spell LAME? I'm just sitting here shaking my fucking head trying to pretend that was worth my fucking time reading. Could I have the last five minutes of my life back? I could use them to go watch that douche Rob say "I'm Edward Cullen" . Yeah another five minutes of my fucking life i'll never get back. What a fucking waste of time.

Candy Corn shoes? You really have lost your twi-rob ever loving fucking mind. Maybe you should look back in your last google search for where you may have fucking left it? I'm sure you MIGHT find it there. Heaven knows you fucking need it. Along with all the other pricks who read this fucking garbage.

The rest of this shit is just that. SHIT its not even worth commenting on.

And what I especially loved after this horrible comment was all of you who defended me and the Rob ~~porn~~ corn!

jrieggs said...
Why would you read a Twilight blog if you don't like Edward Anonymous? Eww.

mmMoxie said...
If it took 5 minutes to read this post, Anonymous must have been staring at the picture of the "cornbrator" for 4 of them.

(Molly) Twinatic said...
ah, haters, you crack me up!!!

I like that they took time to write out a long comment that addresses specific details, but, couldn't come up with anything intelligent to say so they just laced with a lot of 'fucks' and then couldn't man up to the comment and left it under 'Anonymous'

Yeah, that's a big man(or woman) right there!

(plus, how would you even end up here unless you were searching for twi things, or following you on twitter? I think it's like homophobes being such haters because they're gay and don't want to admit it, twimophobes are just closet mega fans and can't live with it!)

One Pushy Fox said...
Ok, 1) flamer, seriously??? During BlogoWriMo???? Piss off, idiot!

And then there were those of you who liked the anonymous hater comment:

Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...
I'm so proud of you FC! You got your first hater! You corn loving whore!!! I LOVE YOU!!

Rob's Swiss Miss said...
1) I'm with Susie...you're moving up the ladder if you're attracting flaming haters. Kudos!

Well, I want to let you all that I went to my ISP and tracked down this anonymous hater. Seriously, I have stalker tendencies people. And guess who's not so anonymous? It was sjAimee! I guess you all missed our tweets the other day about how you really haven't arrived until you get haters. So, I guess I have now arrived...thanks for hatin' sjA! Love you!

P.S. - sjAimee was joking in her anonymous comment, so please please please don't go hatin' on her blog...unless you think she can roll with the big dogs.

BlogoWriMo Day 11 - Smokin' Hawt

2009-11-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

This post will hopefully redeem myself for the corn post yesterday. This is for you Amcas. Thank you for all of the pics. Take a gander at her blog for some Robliciousness. Just a warning: smoke kills.

I am died.

BlogoWriMo Day 10 - Ode to Corn

2009-11-10T21:00:00.013-05:00

You may have noticed a theme in some of my posts recently and if you haven't, well I've become a bit obsessed with corn. Yes, corn. You wanna know why?

Okay, well maybe not in everything, but you know that it totally doesn't digest well. First we had the Team Edward Corn Maze. But that wasn't really enough to push me into near mania.

So what did it? I bring you Rob eating corn. Grandpa sweater? Check. Lobster bib? Check. Rolling Rock? Check. Drawn butter ready slather all over Rob? Check. Partially eaten corn cob? Check. Rob obviously sucking stray kernels from between his teeth? Check mate.

Oh, look how cute he is grasping the corn cob with a napkin while taking a swig of beer. I guess the lobster just isn't that appetizing. But could you imagine? Rob cracking lobster claws and sucking out the meat while the juices dribble down his chin? And then you could lick the juices off and...oh god, I think I may have a food fetish or something.

In keeping with my corn theme, I would totally wear these pumps during my corn eating encounter with Rob. And just these. Yup. Hawt. I think they scream, "Hi, my name is Candy...Candy Corn." Heh.

Oh, and I might bring my little friend along with me. Although there are a few things about this product that are slightly troubling.

Not that I have shopped for devices like this before, but I think the name of this one is a little different. The Sexual Harassment Cornbrator: Hyper Wank Device. Why would you want to associate your product with sexual harassment? And did anyone else notice the two dudes on the box? Very interesting. Maybe I will leave this at home. I'm sure Rob has enough corn for the both of us. I'll bring the butter baby (thanks Dane Cook). And thank you Vanity Fair.

BlogoWriMo Day 9 - You're How Old?

2009-11-09T21:00:00.012-05:00

In honor of Sesame Street turning 40 years old (yes, I know I'm behind, but deal with it), I did some searching and found Sesame stuff related to Twilight. Can you believe it? Everything really can be related back to Twilight.

And make sure that you follow @twilightees on Twitter. For every 50 followers they get they are giving away a free CafePress t-shirt. Additionally on Friday the 13th (muahahahah!) they will be hosting a Twitter Twihard Treasure Hunt. Prizes will be 5 hoodies, Sigg bottles and flair for a dedicated, diehard Twilight fan!

BlogoWriMo Day 8 - For the Dirty Birds

2009-11-08T22:00:00.005-05:00

This is going to be quick and dirty. Here are the fics that are pwning me right now (in no particular order...okay well, maybe they are alphabetical):

A Broken Triangle by sjAimee - two words: Jasper+Bella; more words: the writing is wonderful and I can't wait to read more (aka lemons!).

A Fine Line Between by IvyLane - I'm the humble beta for this story so read it. Why? Because everyone loves a little dark Domward.

Becoming Bella by Ms.Bond - I love love love this story. Bella is starting her life over after divorce and meets Mr. Wonderful, er, Edward, but is she ready to love again?

In the Blood by fragilefoxes - Two awesome ladies (onepushyfox and afragilelittlehuman) writing one great story. Bella is the maker in this story and she's a little mean and nasty...poor Edward! Can they forgive and forget?

Just a note...none of these stories are complete yet, so if you only read completed stuff (Bitches), then these are not the stories for you. But if you don't care, please read and give the authors some comment love! They totally deserve it!

And on a last note, I'd like to give you each some corn on the cob cupcakes. Enjoy!

And Mommy FC told me about this, so watch it...now!

BlogoWriMo Day 7 - Saturday Funzies

2009-11-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

I thought it was time for some funny stuff. None of it is mine...well except for the one on the bottom. Please to enjoy!

TwiLOL

Haiku Comics

Let me introduce you to the new addition to my action figures, or "the kids" as I fondly refer to them. If you weren't on Twitter last night, then you missed out on this loveliness. Below is a picture of Barbie Edward and his package (say it with a French accent...it sounds more exotic doesn't it?). On a side note, his skin is sparkly, but you can't see it in this pic...and his pants velcro open from the back. Hawt!

BlogoWriMo Day 6 - Guess Who Won!

2009-11-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

Since both SIL FC and Mommy FC entered this contest, I wanted to be 100% sure that the drawing was totally random so I went with the popular random.org site to do the drawing for the winner. I don't want to be accused of nepotism...corncob fanaticism maybe, but not nepotism.

Congratulations Mrs. Robward! And you never thought you would win! Send me your address immediately so you can get your shirt ASAP!

Thanks again to CafePress for making this giveaway possible!

BlogoWriMo Day 5 - You Googled What?

2009-11-05T21:00:00.005-05:00

Every Thursday I get an email detailing the hilariously depraved ways people find our humble little site here. A near constant is the searches for "jailbait," "real jailbait" (cause there's fake jailbait out there?), and "jailbait blog." A note to blog babies...don't put the word jailbait in a post, in a label, in a title...no where. Just don't do it.

But we do get our fair share of funny/scary searches as well. Please to enjoy:

dear google, i want to see a real unicorn - well, these aren't real unicorns, but it is quite the collection

i hate megan fox but she makes me cum - This person is a sick...please get help.

rainbow brite sex unicorn

betti porn

so you masturbate while watching twilight - Don't tell me you haven't at least thought about it...the kissing scene, the baseball scene, the gazebo scene...

douchebag beard pics

spencer pratt self castration - Sounds like this would be a bloody mess...we can't have that on our blog.

central coast parent magazine - This one is probably the most disturbing of all the searches.

dirty old man forced fuck

"hydraulic level 5" - I love the fact that this search is in quotes...sounds more important doesn't it?

sexpart - Which sex part?

porn movies frombitches wifes - Someone has some pretty poor typing skills.

what's wrong with vanilla sex - Absolutely nothing...at least you're getting some.

granny panties with pocket - Now I really want panties with a pocket...you could keep all sorts of things in there...corn cobs, beer, lobsters, grandpa sweaters...

shouldn't be allowed to breed - Too late...we have spread our twi-love far and wide.

vanilla the rabbit sex game

waiting to masturbate with electric toothbrush but someone's in the bathroom - An electric toothbrush? Really? Not a whole lot of girth to work with there...

granny gobblers - I suspect with Thanksgiving quickly approaching everyone will be able to slip this little gem into everyday convo.

1 - Yeah, we are number 1

And then there are the crotches: fire crotch tattoo, 100% fire crotches, cuties firecrotch, open crotch panties, jailbait panty crotch pics, 80s firecrotch porn

BlogoWriMo Day 4 - Eclipse Twiginity

2009-11-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

It's been rough going to say the least the last few weeks, especially since the New Moon trailers have been on the TV. Even with the wonders of TiVo, if you are lame like me and forget that you aren't watching live TV, you can be assaulted by the awesomeness that is New Moon. I am happy to say that I only caved once...it was late at night, I had just finished watching Sons of Anarchy on FX, so I figured I was safe (but we all know how great they are at targeting the New Moon demographic). But then, boom, the next thing I know is New Moon was all up in my face. I couldn't avert my eyes or stick my fingers in my ears and sing la-la-la-la. I couldn't find the remote to change the channel. So I watched it. And it was good. Real good.

But New Moon will be out soon, so I feel that I must join ranks again with the likes of Cutie and EtomyB (it's her awesome pic down there) and declare my Twiginity for Eclipse. I don't even have to reclaim it this time! I haven't seen anything about the movie. They have finished filming it, and I haven't seen anything. With New Moon I had already seen the motorcycle riding, the movies, and some other stuff by this point...I was a total whore prior to going pure.

I know it's going to be a tough road to June, but I know it won't be lonely. Join the ranks of those who prefer not to be spoiler bunnies. And let's try to convert our Twi-friends to our ways. Will it feel as good as when you got your best friend addicted to Twilight? Probably not, but take heart in knowing that you are helping your friends have the best movie-going experience possible. So let's do it shall we?

Source

BlogoWriMo Day 3 - Are Aliens the New Vampires?

2009-11-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

With all of the hoopla surrounding the premiere of V tonight, one must wonder...are aliens the next vampires? Is the market already saturated with vampires? Are aliens the new hot sexy non-humans of TV and movies?

I remember the original V series from back in the 80s. It was on Friday nights and my dad and I would watch it after he came home from bowling. Somehow I think it was probably innapropriate television for someone as young as I was because it scared the bejeesus out of me. All I remember is lizard people eating live gerbils and huge spiders and some creepy lizard baby birth.

I remember that being way more realistic.

Somehow I don't think this creepiness will cut it. However, the special effects look way better than some of our favorite vamp *coughTwilightcough* movies. But let's do some side-by-side comparisons shall we?

The Important Cast Members

Observations:

V has old people; Twilight not so much
V has a priest; Holy water doesn't hurt vampires
Everyone is so serious! And is just me or does Scott Wolf look constipated?

The Bad Guys

Observations:

Aliens who look human but are actually reptilian and possibly eat creepy stuff or vampires who drink human blood?
Woman leader or male leader?
Cleavage or chesticles?

The Star-Crossed Lovers

Observations:

Human + alien or human + vampire?
Matching outfits or matching intense stairs?
Two words: Edward Pattinson

I think vamps have the edge, except in the bad guys category. Reptiles just creep me out. Even when the bad vamps killed Butt-crack Santa it was kinda hot. What are your thoughts?

BlogoWriMo Day 2 - More Twilight TFLN

2009-11-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

(203): a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up. <-- I don't see what the big deal is...at least she wasn't licking the screen, hehe.

(317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas?? <-- Pattinson Panties that vibrate...natch.
(301): please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk <-- Why? Doesn't work quite as well when I tell people I'm Bella Swan...too twitchy I guess.

(310): kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
(1-310): damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
(859): Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time. <--Yes, it is sad. Sad that you would let such a hot piece of ass go to waste if he wasn't sparkly.

BlogoWriMo Day 1 - CafePress Shirt Giveaway

2009-11-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to day 1 of my self-inflicted, made-up BlogoWriMo challenge. Let's all review why I am doing this:

Support my fellow bloggers who are are participating in NaNoWriMo:
Fragile Littel Human
COD Widow
onepushyfox
uhyesplease
EyesofAmberBlog
Honolulu Girl

Donate to an awesome organization, CCFA. Starting November 1, 2009 12:00 AM EST through November 30, 2009 11:59 PM EST, I will donate $1 for every comment posted on one of my BlogoWriMo posts.*

I like pain.

So without further ado, you all know what to do. Clicky on one of the links below and find the shirt you want. Leave the the link in the comments section with your email address, t-shirt size, and color. The contest ends at midnight on Thursday, November 5th EST. The winner will be announced on Friday, November 6th.

CafePress Australia
CafePress Canada
CafePress UK
CafePress US

This is the one that Bitches is going to get...it makes me giggle.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T13:15:00.000-04:00

Martie and Bailey wanted to show off their Halloween fashions. They weren't too happy with the last minute selections. I will probably have to take them to PetSmart to make it up to them or feed them some Peeps. Next year I think they will make a fabulous Edward and Bella!

30 Posts in 30 Days

2009-10-28T08:30:00.008-04:00

In honor of a fragile little human's commitment to write her first original story, Colloquial, during NaNoWriMo, I am committing to writing 30 posts in 30 days . What's NaNoWriMo anyway?

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

Guess who else is participating in NaNoWriMo?
COD Widow
onepushyfox
uhyesplease
EyesofAmberBlog

Honolulu Girl

I know writing 30 posts isn't really a big deal considering these ladies will all be writing 50,000 words each in 30 days and tons of other bloggers do it every day, but we haven't ever done a post a day here! I'm not promising that any of the posts will actually be good or even readable, and we will probably lose followers, but too bad. So starting November 1, brace yourselves. WeBitePrettyHard is going to have a new post every day! And don't worry, I promise we won't have Twilight news or spoilers.

And just to make this interesting, for every comment that I get on posts written during NaNoWriMo, starting November 1 12:00 AM EST through November 30 11:59 PM EST, I will donate $1 to CCFA (Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America). This is an organization near and dear to fragile, and I hope that I get to send them a big donation*! Plus your comments will help to spur me on!

So go check out fragile's post about her new story and make sure you comment every day on this blog in November! Tell your friends, neighbors, and that creepy guy down the hall that you have been secretly crushing on for months.

Can you guess who made this awesome banner?

* Donation maximum is $500

Mommy FC and her Jacob Love Continues

2009-10-26T21:00:00.000-04:00

We all know that Mommy FC is Team Jacob. Last weekend you may have seen the following picture on Twitter.

Yup, that's Mommy FC holding a magazine featuring our favorite werewolf. SIL FC called me screeching about what Mommy FC had bought at the food store (not sure why we don't just call it the grocery store) and then sent me the pic above.

So this Sunday when I spoke to Mommy FC, she gave me this update.

Mommy FC: I looked for that magazine at the food store yesterday.
FC: Uh huh...are you going to start hoarding Jacob magazines?
Mommy FC: *totally ignoring previous comment* Guess what? They didn't have ANY copies left.
FC: Really, did all of the other Team Jacob moms come and buy them all?
Mommy FC: *pause* Well, I don't know, but I'm glad I got mine. They have lots of other magazines with those OTHER people on them, but none with just Jacob.
FC: *sigh* Good for you mom.

I'm starting to fear that Mommy FC's obsession is getting out of control. I'm thinking an intervention may be necessary. Have any of your friends or loved ones turned away from Edward? What have you done? Is there hope for Mommy FC or will I have to endure this Jacob love forever? Perhaps I need to introduce her to fanfic and Domward.

TWITARDED Meme Time!

2009-10-23T21:00:00.000-04:00

So the other night the TWITARDED girls tagged us in their meme. I have to say that I wasn't exactly sure what a meme was so I looked it up...not very helpful it turns out, but who cares right? I immediately texted Bitches that she had homework to do before she went on vacay with the hubster for their anniversary. For those not familiar with the meme, here were the rules and questions and we hope you enjoy our answers.

Note to Mommy FC: You really should not read this post...please stop reading now. Thanks! LOL, FC

Let's do a Meme!

So here's the deal: STY and I came up with a couple of questions for all you bloggers. If you're tagged, answer the questions and tag four other blogs. Don't forget to link back to the blog that tagged you! Let's see how many blogs we can get to participate and hopefully at the end of all this we'll know a lot more about each other. Believe it or not, we even made the questions 99% other-blog friendly! I don't think I said vagina or cock gobbling in a single question!

On your mark, get set, GO!!
1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?
2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. I can't wait to read these! (Or "Eff, Marry, Kill" if you don't have my potty mouth.)**3) What is your favorite band/type of music?
4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?
5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?
6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.
7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

Bitches' Answers:

This isn't so much crazy as it is funny...to me anyway. There was once a friend who *only* wore tighty-whities *Cringe. Gag* and refused to cave into boxers despite a friend & my constant harassment & heckling. So, we procured a key from his roommate & stole every single last pair of panties he owned. Yes, even the soiled ones. Of course, we were gracious enough to leave him some replacements. Boxers. Good times.
Fuck Edward senseless. Kill Bella, don't give a rats ass about her. Marry Carlisle.
As lame as it sounds, I honestly don't have a favorite. I'm pretty open to all styles, however, I'm not a big country fan. Yea, not so much.
My favorite movie is Love Actually. Every Christmas Eve, Mr. Bitches and I snuggle up in front of the fire with a tasty beverage and watch it. It's tradition.
Yes, most of my RL family and friends know about my Twilight obsession. Some of them mock me and others are more understanding and even indulge and humor me, much to my delight.
I'm actually ashamed of my number. And not for the reason you'd think. Real life has been repeatedly flogging my ass and because of it, my number has slashed drastically.
I was homeschooled until eighth grade and raised in an extremely conservative Christian home. You know the crazy Mormon's with their whacked out turn of the century hair and floor length jumpers? Ok, well, we weren't that deranged, but pretty damn close. As you can all see, I've made a valiant comeback and made up for the lost years of cursing and general fuckery. The parents are beyond proud, let me tell you.

Fire Crotch's Answers (Mom, seriously, please don't read this):

When I was a freshman in college, I had a little addiction to online chatting. I would stay up all hours of the day and night talking to complete strangers online (I suppose this set me up well for my Twitter addiction). Anyway, I fell in with this group of people who were meeting up in Paris to go see a Joe Satriani concert. That would be Paris, France. So, what did I do? I invited myself along and went to the concert and then ended up staying with one of the guys in Manchester for a week. Not so bad right? I survived my first pub crawl (puking midway through really helps you finish strong), ate really great Indian food, and was introduced to Black Adder. Well, the really stupid part was that I told my parents I was going to Austria with a girlfriend from school. It was a fun trip, but looking back on it...Jesus, I was fucking insane.
Fuck: Alice while Jasper watches...or joins in. Marry: Jasper. Kill: Jacob (seriously, Mommy FC is out of control with her Team Jacob obsession).
Favorite band would be U2. Favorite music...I listen to just about everything (including country). Right now my absolute favorite is Dizzee Rascal...British rap just makes me happy.
Favorite movie is The Sound of Music. Hands down. Twilight doesn't even come close to this one.

I'm pretty much out there with my family and friends about my love of Twilight. You've all seen the vacation pics, the trip to NYC, and the pics with my aunt and grandmom. The minis will even be coming to Thanksgiving. As far as blogging, I think pretty much everyone knows except for my work peeps. I don't think they could handle the truth.
I spend probably between 30 and 50 hours a week doing Twilight related things. I'm including tweeting, emailing, texting, and shopping in with my blogging, fanfic reading, and Twilight watching time.
You wanna know how I picked my blog alias? I have red hair and the only thing I could think of was when everyone was calling Lindsay Lohan a fire crotch. When Bitches and I were creating the blog, Mr. Bitches was in the background and was first shocked and then laughed about then name, so I figured it was a go. And FYI...the rug matches the drapes.

Okay, so here's who's it!

Super Secret Twilight Blog

The Twiangle

Twisessed

Straight Jacket Aimee

TDM New Moon Guest Post

2009-10-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

I did a guest post over at The Danger Magnet for Annie's New Moon Discussion series. I summarized chapters 13-15. Don't remember what's in those chapters? Well how about some Bella angst, Edwardly growling, Jacob transforming, oh and some cliff diving. Come on over and take a gander!

Stay tuned for tomorrow night when we will be continuing Twitarded's meme. Will you be called out next?

Pimpin' Part 2

2009-10-19T20:30:00.001-04:00

For those of you who missed Part 1 of my fanfic author interview, 1. I'm hurt because you obviously haven't been obsessively reading the blog, and 2. you can check it out here. I think you'll enjoy the rest of the interview, and if not...who cares, I enjoyed it, and that's enough for me. Hehe.

The Volturi children are a really interesting set of characters. Where did you get the idea? Can you explain them a bit for those who may not have read your fic yet?

My half-bloods started with Ivy (thus my pen name). When I read the series, I wondered to myself: what if Bella showed the balls she hinted upon in Twilight and told Edward to piss off; remaining with Jacob? Edward would, from the series, just wither away, ceasing to be our sexy beast. But what if there was someone else, someone who was human still like they desire, yet struggling with vampire issues of their own? Ivy was my “perfect pair” for Edward, however I wrote this fic to please a friend, and I was pretty sure she would not like me “giving Edward away” to another girl, so to speak. So therefore, it is Edward/Bella, and I do not intend for Ivy or Mik to interfere with their “happy ending.” I did toy with the idea of Mikhail liking Bella, but I didn’t want to give my readers heart attacks. So that idea stayed up in the air. Ivy is the ideal me and Mikhail is my freaking dreamboat (a tattooed M. Ventimiglia ~ shudders in delight ~)

For anyone who has not read “A Twisted Twilight Tale” my “half-bloods” are five half human children, half Volturi blood, making them royal in the eyes of Vampires. It pulled a bit from Breaking Dawn, because I felt that the Volturi should know that half-vampires would be possible, they have been around for eons. And what better than to have vampires with human traits, so they can blend into society? So some Volturi experimentation began with a few human women. Two passed away in childbirth (Joy’s and Maxwell’s), Mikhail’s was turned, and Lizabeth (Ivy/Spike’s mom) is still human as can be. I thought giving hard and evil Caius a human wife was poetic irony. Thus there are five half-vampires, two Caius’s (Ivy and Spencer), two Marcus’s (Mikhail and Maxwell) and one that is Aro’s (Joy).

“Excuse Me”, Spike intercedes, leaning over my chair to peruse my answer, “Why are you telling her about us? Shouldn’t we be doing that?” his spiked hair tickles my cheek as he laughs brusquely at my response about his family.

“Spike, go torture your sister. I’m writing an interview! FireCr0tch didn’t ask you to talk to her, bastard!”

Spike: My sister asked me to stop by, since you have stolen her identity, in a first name perspective. The Volturi Half-Bloods asked me to drop by, and give the true 411, per say. ~ grabs keyboard ~ evil bastard!

Spike : Hello lovelies. The name is Spencer, but you can call me Spike, kay? Miss Lane is trying to whip the computer out of my hand, but she seems to forget that I am quite fast, and much stronger than her frail and soft little hands could be. She won’t get this back until I am done.

Ivy! Stop hitting me with that ruler or I’ll show you a much more satisfying way to use it, lover. If you didn’t have the same name as my sister...

And wait until I tell my father about your poetic irony, he may clamp you in irons! Don’t tell these strangers how much he idolizes my gorgeous and angelic mother; he detests weakness on any level and it quite unmans him.

Anyway, my sister and I are the youngest of the group of half-bloods, just turned 16 this year. The trouble with being half-human is we are still aging, weird that. But I still can’t grow a fucking beard; so my aging may be slowing down some. Maxwell stopped aging at 15, so he looks like a baby, if you ask me. Girlies love the little snip though; must be the baby face he’s got going for him.

Mikhail is his older brother; the oldest of us all. As you have read, he is my sister’s stalker/lover. He’s cool, a real artist with Ink. That kid has some smoking hot ideas! But he is like a dog with a fucking bone about my sister, which makes her freaking insane! Miss “I-get-who-I-want-when-I want-them” Ivy Voltaire doesn’t do the commitment thing so well, not that I blame her. Commitments are for the birds, unless you and your lover are truly compatible. She loves the bastard, but she also loves a couple other poor-bastards who I will keep to myself. She is my sister, after all. Can’t air the dirty laundry, can we?

But I dissemble sweetlings.

We are new and improved to an extent; however there is no guarantee of anything for us. Mik can’t heal for shit; Ivy, Joy and I don’t even like the smell of blood, let alone drink that muck; Joy is a slut...

Spencer Voltaire! Give me that laptop and stop talking shit about Joy! A slut indeed! Just because the poor girl doesn’t fall over your feet drooling, you have to talk shit! Sorry about that FireCr0tch. My characters are awfully feisty at times! Anyway back to my characters.

Spike: Don't test me lover! You know what I can do to you if you piss me off. Think of your readers...

“Oh, Hush Spike! Go find your friend Mikhail to torture, please. And tell him to come keep me company later.”

Silly vampire! Sorry about that. You will not meet Maxwell or Joy yet. Please don’t listen to Spike about her, she is not a slut! She won’t give him any so he is a bitter, heartbroken vampire. Anyway, I don’t need Max or Joy for this story, so they stay in Italy where they belong for now.

Spike (Spencer) and Ivy are twins, and their mother is the only one to live (without being turned) afterwards. Ivy’s gift, which is healing, was a major part of why their mother survived the ordeal, but I didn’t actually come out and say that during this tale, I don’t think. My main thinking was since there were two of them: their strength was split in half, making her carrying them and delivering them much easier. Wait until you find out Spike’s gift, you are going to be scratching your heads asking questions... Since the stubborn bastard stole my email, I should tell you to spite his evil ass. I know you are thinking. What can he do???

Muuuuhahahaha!

I like to leave their looks to your imagination, but I did have people I kind of mirrored a couple of them after: My Mikhail resembles Milo V. from the Fergie Video, Big Girls Don’t cry. Spike is a younger version of Spike from the Buffy and The Vampire Slayer series, but his hair is blonde with whitish tips. Maxwell looks like Norman Reedus. The girls are open for interpretation (sorry I fixated on the guys too much). All the half-bloods have green eyes, and all have unique tattoos. They glow when the vampire takes over in them. The only tattoo all five have is the Volturi Crest on their back right shoulder blade. They are all sexually mischievous creatures. I love each of them, so I do get a bit upset when people don’t like them, since I love them so.

Is there going to be an off-shoot story for the Volturi kids?

I have a couple story outlines put together, I mentioned them above. Yes my characters will be in them, at least a couple of them at a time. All five will be in The Volturi Affair, which is going to be about Edward’s time living in Italy (pre-Bella). I am hesitant to write it, because I already have several readers who are adamant they only like Edward/Bella stuff. But you know me, if one person likes it, I will write it.

Ivy and Edward seem to have a special relationship, but he doesn't seem to be susceptible to her "charms." Is it because he really only has eyes for Bella or is he just faking it?

I really want to tell you... but I can’t. I think you are going to have to keep reading, because I want to torture you all with it for a bit. All I can say is he only wants Bella, and Ivy doesn’t want Edward. And I can honestly say he is not faking anything!

Please don't hate ivy. She has her own reasons for being a devious little thing. Crap I think I hear Spike coming back...

Oh Spike, go away!

Spike: Dear God! That is all you are going to tell them! HA! You call me evil!

We all have our roles to play Spike.

Spike: HA! Well I have read your chapters and I think it is all as obvious as the nose on your face!

GASP! Did he really just make fun of my nose? What an ass! And he would think it is obvious because he knows the story.

Is Bella going to open a can of whoop-ass on Edward at some point?

Bella is much more independent and has a can of whoop-ass ready to pop open; she just hasn’t had a clear enough mind to use it yet. But she did just get branded; I would be ready to spit nails, wouldn’t you? So once she gets her wits back, which WON’T be in chapter 25 btw... expect some fireworks.

Any other tid-bits that you'd like to share?

My story can be confusing at times; I try to add suspense and build doubt/excitement. I try to comment on as many of my reviewers as possible, but sometimes I just can’t tell you what my intentions are. It would ruin the surprise! I try to add little sneak peaks and extras on my blog; so peek at that if you can. Also, I check my Twitter every day, so if there is something you really want to see or know about, it is the quickest way to get my attention. I post little rants on there too, they can be funny.

I’ll add a small detail that I have not previously mentioned in ATTT. Edward was the tattoo artist who did Ivy and Spike’s tattoos, but he also did one for Mikhail. If you go back through the story, you’ll see the tattoo I refer too, not the wedding band one either. I thought perhaps the readers would put two and two together when they realized that Edward has seen Ivy in the “altogether” so he would know how to depict her accurately in Mik’s tat. Did anyone catch that small innuendo I added in that chapter by any chance?

I have to throw a quick shout out to my absolutely favorite Fan Fiction author! DurtyNelly, I LOVE YOUR WORK!!! I am so obsessed with Masen I almost wish he were real; even though my Masen would look like sexy old RPatz, and I know your does not. I don’t care, your writing is incredible and I hope you have an update soon! My Edward, who is a difficult fucker, could never take on Masen (Masen would eat him for breakfast)! For anyone who has not read Buried Among the Begonias, please do yourself a favor and check it out! She also has another story called I Love You Like Sid and Nancy, also very good writing.

Make sure to check out Ivy's fic and show her some comment love! She posted a great teaser in the comments yesterday for chapter 26 which she posted today (and she said it wasn't recommended to read at work...yeah, well I laugh in the face of warnings and read it anyway...good thing I had a change of panties in my laptop bag)! And follow her on Twitter...she sometimes tweets teasers too!

I'm a Pimp Yo!

2009-10-16T22:00:00.002-04:00

Pimp...stalker...it's a fine line that I tread every day. A couple of months ago SIL FC rec'd a new fanfic story that she was reading. I felt such a sense of accomplishment at that moment. I think SIL FC is one of my most successful Twi-conversions to date. I had nurtured her from an eye-rolling mother of a 12 year old Twilight lover to a fanfic rec'er! Whoo! Anyway, this story got my heart pumping in all the right places starting in the very first chapter with this Dark-Domward who takes what he wants. So what did I do? I stayed up all night reading, rec'd it here, and then sent the author a comment to check out said blog. And then that's where some slight stalking came into play. If you haven't seen my pap pics of unsuspecting hotties in airports and poolside, then you 1. have been missing out and 2. should should definitely follow me on Twitter. Anyway, out of my stalking and possibly some revoked restraining orders comes this wonderful author interview (well part 1 anyway). Without further I present Ivy Lane and her story A Twisted Twilight Tale.

How did you get hooked on The Saga?

I was completely a Twilight virgin until someone close to me convinced me I would love the series. After starting the first book; I was hooked. It became “My own personal brand of Heroin.” I read all books cover to cover, enjoying each one until I completed Breaking Dawn. I felt bereft; what would I do with my time now? I wanted more juicy stuff, more information and viewpoints on the story, which I had already twisted into my own personal fantasy. I then allowed myself to watch the movie (I did not want to be affected by the actors portraying the characters prior to my imagination taking hold). I admit myself slightly disappointed in Twilight, but it was inevitable since they had to mutilate the story to fit into their time frame. I dream of a future with Midnight Sun being released, giving me more of Stephanie’s viewpoint on how Edward thinks, even though my fantasy Edward is just perfect for me currently.

Is this your first fanfic?

It is indeed. I started very hesitantly, unsure if people would enjoy my writing; several times I almost stopped actually. New writers are extremely affected by negative feedback, and although I treasure all my reviews, a few had me discouraged and created some writer’s block moments for me. But once I had no other avenues to cruise down to get my Edward fix and had read all the fiction I could find with “my kind of Edward” in them, I thought perhaps other readers like myself may enjoy my imaginative creations. So far I am very happy with my work, and cherish all my readers and reviewers. I have a couple more ideas for new stories that are going to fall within my Twisted Twilight Tale time frame. The next one I have in the outline phase, which I have tentatively named Half-Moon, is a “what if Bella and Jacob get together when Edward leaves” thing. So it will have a dual timeline within it... Bella/Jacob and Edward/_______ Can’t give that up yet. Sorry. So I will go back and forth. Not sure if people will read it, but I am sure there are some Bella/Jacob fans out there.I also want to work on The Volturi Affair, which is the predecessor to this one. Which means my beloved half-bloods will feature in it, as well as our sexy Edward. There are still a couple things people don’t understand about Ivy/Edward and I do that on purpose; I am awful aren’t I? But what you don’t find out in ATTT will be revealed when we travel back to the time Edward lived the Volturi, and thus spent time with my sinfully sexually-active half-bloods.

Why did you start writing this fic? What/Who inspired you?

I was inspired to do this fic from my drug dealer, who told me I would truly enjoy the series and the fiction that is available on the Internet for free. My eyes widened at free; gotta love freebies! I wrote this for her actually, and I must say she is a completely awesome person, although she may not know I feel that way. My other inspiration was DurtyNelly, who showed me that Edward does not have to always be a gentleman for girls to swoon over him! Love her stories, you should read them if you haven’t already. As I perused the abundance of fan fiction, I noticed that Edward did not really act like a vampire. I mean he was one, had the gentlemanly attributes of someone who had lived a long time, however he was generally docile compared what I expected from a vampire smelling the sweetest blood ever. So I decided since dominant Edwards are somewhat limited in fan fiction, that I would write some juicy M rated stuff. I continue to write because you and a few others wait ever so patiently for my updates and really seem to enjoy the way the story is progressing. I get so upset when a favorite story I read never gets updated, which is why I try to have at least one update per week, if not more. There is one I just took off my favorites list ~sniffle~ because it hasn’t been updated in eons and the writer never responded to my inquiry if she would ever update. So instead of being frustrated with looking at it, I removed it from my line of vision.

You say that your Bella isn't quite as "blah" as Stephenie Meyer's Bella. Could you elaborate?

Ok I may get stoned for saying this, but I am going to come right out there and do it. I never truly warmed to Bella. She acted like she is quite a fighter, but I felt her a bit wishy-washy. She didn’t have the confidence I was hoping for, and she buckled under pressure. She wanted Edward and was blatant about her attraction but turns into a wobbly mess when he leaves her, not the confident “I was going to ask what his problem was” and getting ready to walk out on him at the restaurant I was expecting. The “you can’t leave me” was a bit pitiful for this vibrant and mature teenager. I know women are very emotional creatures, but she got on my nerve at points. This is where Ivy came from, to be honest, but I will elaborate on this later. But you have to admit, at least for not liking Bella much I give her some pretty interesting experiences to deal with, don’t I?

Your Edward is pretty used to getting what he wants and using his powers to get it. Is he going to regret dazzling Bella to get what he wants from her?

My Edward is a bit more primitive and wild. Vampires to me should have some kind of violent tendencies. But I am evil enough to say that although he may regret the “dazzling”; he wants Bella and intends to make sure he does not lose her, regardless of her frame of mind on the matter. Primitive, yes; Dominating, of course. Fucking sexier than hell, I like to think so. He is impulsive, and you will see that he is not done being “persuasive” to Bella when he feels it is needed.

So if this has your interest peaked, then go off and start reading! If you need more, well stay tuned for the second half of the interview. Let me just say, it gets a little spicy. Happy reading...meanwhile I am already stalking my next unsuspecting author...hehehe.

Drum Roll Please...

2009-10-12T22:00:00.001-04:00

*I feel like Oprah doing her favorite things show right now...points to loyal stalkers..."You get a copy of the Precious II and you get a copy of the Precious II!"*...and the winners of the 7 precious copies of the Precious II are (selected using an oh so scientific Excel randomizer formula...yeah, I'm a geek):

Susie From ApplesnFeathers
Amber
Betti Gefecht, the addicted
Call of Duty Widow
blancopollo
KG
Meg

Congratulations to the winners and thank you all for following! Send us an email with your name and address so we can get your beloved in the mail ASAP!

webiteprettyhard[at]hotmail.com

Tipping the Scales at 100!

2009-10-05T21:00:00.002-04:00

You have finally made it to our hundredth post oh sweet reader. Yes, you have celebrated our highs and suffered through our lows (did someone say unicorn?). And in celebration of our 100th blog post RPattz had a little something to say to us.

And I found some other pictures too. Seriously, I just binged "100 blog posts," and this is the shizz that came up. Comedy gold.

Creepy

I don't get it...100 calories = 100 blog posts?

Is it just me or does this look like a vag?

Pops is hot.

Please, please, please God make New Moon be awesome!

Oh, and if you have made it this far, then congratulations! Because guess what? We're doing a give away! For every 10 followers we have, we're giving out a copy of The Precious II when you follow our blog AND leave a comment on this post. Want better odds? Get your friends to follow the blog and leave a comment (make sure they mention you). Say you get 5 of your friends to follow the blog and they all leave a comment on this post and include your name. You get entered into the drawing 6 times (because of course you're going to leave a comment too) and they each get entered once! That's it. Just leave a comment by Saturday at 12 PM EST. The winners will be announced next Monday. Oh, and multiple comments don't = multiple entries.

I'll even cover the gross picture of Megan Fox for you.

We heart you guys long time!
Bitches and Fire Crotch

The Minis on Vacation

2009-10-03T09:00:00.001-04:00

As many of you know Mommy FC and I were on vacation this week. Of course I brought the minis...I always have them with me. They went pretty crazy upon hearing the crashing ocean waves and smelling the salty-seaweedy air. Please to enjoy their adventures.
Looks like someone doesn't listen. At least Edward didn't have to worry about getting sunburn!
Oh, he's so adorable isn't he? Looks like Bella finally helped dig him out of his hole.
I'm not quite sure where Jacob led this group, but they were gone quite a while. When I finally found them they were passed out under a palm tree with with tons of those coconut drinks with the tiny umbrellas strewn about. It was a long night to say the least. Note to the mini-girls...puke is really difficult to get out of your moveable wrists.
Jake went and caught dinner for the gang. Apparently no one likes sushi. But he looks pretty manly standing there with that fish though.
Thanks STY...New Moon Edward will now forever be known as Guidoward.
There was a little bit of unrest among the troops when Guidoward almost washed away, but he made it back to shore. He was a little smelly and covered in seaweed, but he was ready for more body surfing.
Always the helper, Jacob held open the lid to the "Got Tar" container...fortunately no one "got tar" on them while frolicking on the beach.
But this is where Jake kind of stepped over the line...I don't need any help rinsing off...but every single day he swung there hoping to help rinse the saltwater from my lovely locks...ew, no thanks. But I'm sure Mommy FC wouldn't mind...
And thus ends a wondeful vacation with the minis. Hopefully next year we will be going out of the country. Better hurry up and get the passports!

Haikus and Unicorns

2009-10-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

I happened across a pretty cool website this evening...I think you will see what drew me in immediately. Obviously is was the haikus, duh!

Here are a couple of my favorite haikus.

Make sure to check out the website and show them some comment love!

Mommy FC is Team Jacob

2009-10-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure exactly how or exactly when it happened, but Mommy FC is decidedly Team Jacob. I know...this is quite a blow, but I will just have to move on. Here are the facts as I know them:

I forced Mommy FC to start reading The Saga last month
She read Twilight and New Moon during her Canadian Rockies trip...she kept me updated via text - "Just finished Twilight! LOL!" - apparently Mommy FC thought LOL meant Lots of Love...super cute I know.
She immediately went out and purchased Eclipse and Breaking Dawn upon returning home...was there second-hand embarrassment? I don't know because she won't speak of the shopping expedition.
She is currently reading Eclipse every waking moment, well except for when she is doing cross-stitch (seriously, she has been working on this same project for over 3 years and still isn't done).
Upon seeing the cover of the Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition, she remarked on Jacob's "hotness."

Yeah, number 5 kinda caught me off-guard too. Mommy FC was utterly captivated by the picture of Jacob on the cover...you know the one of him shirtless and looking over his shoulder with those bedroom eyes. Yuck! After I told her that baby Tay-Tay is a mere 17 years old, she was utterly unabashed. Apparently there is "no way a child can have muscles like that." Um, okay.

So when I was in Barnes & Noble yesterday to pick up a couple more copies of the Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition, I also picked up a Jacob bookmark for Mommy FC. She was pretty excited when she found it in her copy of Eclipse. I guess I know what to get her for Christmas.

Note to Self: Do not go out with Mommy FC when she is wearing this sweatshirt. You know she will wear it everywhere...to the grocery store, post-Christmas shopping, and possibly even to work with a festive turleneck underneath. Oh, I am afraid...very afraid!

Vampire Baby Names

2009-09-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

Everyone is having one right? No? Well at least in my circle of friends babies are more abundant than fashionable Coach purses (and that's saying a lot because we have some real purse-whores: me, Bitches, and Tenacious V). Every time I turn around these days I seem to have a baby pictures, baby diapers, or Baby 'R Us gift lists shoved into my hot little hands. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some teacup humans...I'm just super happy when I can hand the kiddos back to their rightful owners and skip off into the sunset with my own children (read: doggies and BF).

And when one of my most fashionable pregger pals decided to name her offspring Emmett, Bitches and I could not have been happier. And yes, we totally know that you didn't name your child after Emmett Cullen, but we can dream can't we?

So, that got me thinking...alright not so much thinking as googling vampire yodeling, vampire a...vampire b... Seriously, I was going to go through the alphabet until I found something interesting. And then up came sites for vampire baby names.

I understand that naming the fruit of your loins is usually a personal and sometimes excrutiating process. If you or a loved one is having a baby and is having trouble coming up with a name, I humbly submit the following:

Acheron, Alabaster, Amaranth, Argent, Ashes, Autumn, Abyss, Aura

Babylon, Belladonna, Blade, Bliss, Blue, Brink, Battle

Calamity, Chalice, Chaos, Chapel, Cinder, Crimson, Cyan, Century

December, Drachen, Drakkar, Draven, Dream, Dred, Dusk, Draegan

Ebony, Echo, Eclipse, Edge, Ember, Enigma, Essence, Eternity, Eventide

Fate, February, Forest, Forever, Friday, Frost

Garnet, Glacier, Glimmer, Gossamer, Gotham, Grail, Granite, Grey, Gusty

Hades, Hail, Halo, Haven

Icy, Imperia, Infinity, Innocent, Ivory, Ivy, Illusion

January, Jett, Jezebel, Jinx, Journey

Kaige, Kandyl, Kindle, Kindred

Labyrinth, Lace, Layre, Lazarus, Legacy, Legend, Leviathan, Lithia, Locke, London, Lore, Lucifer, Lucretia, Luna, Lynk, Lullaby

Maleficent, Mayze, Memory, Mercy, Midnight, Mink, Mirage, Mist, Monday, Morrow, Mystery, Myth

Nebula, Noire, November, Nightshade

Obsidian, October, Omen, Onyx

Pandora, Panther, Pardon, Parrish, Payne, Pentecost, Peregrine, Prysm

Rain, Ransom, Rapture, Rave, Raven, Refuge, Remember, Requiem, Rogue, Rosary

Sabbath, Sable, Sabre, Salem, Salvation, Satin, Scarlet, Seraphim, Shadow, Shayde, Siberia, Silence, Silver, Smoky, Snow, Solitude, Solstice, Spirit, Steele, Stone, Storm, Stryker, Sunday

Talon, Tempest, Temple, Thorne, Thunder, Trilogy, Trinket, Tsunami, Tuesday, Twilight, Tranqility

Vail, Velvet

Whisper, Willow, Winter, Wish, Wolf

Zaphara, Zen, Zephyr, Zillah, Zima, Zurie
Source

I like to think that I have had a successful career so far with baby naming. I helped name my own nephew after 007. My brother was really gunning for Chuck Norris...glad they settled on Sean Conner. So if you need any help naming your baby, please let me know. I offer a free of charge baby naming service because everyone should have a Thorne Pentacost or an Imperia Kindred in the family tree.

Yup, this is totally creeptastic...you can thank Amcas

Let's Play Dress-Up

2009-09-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

You know you wanted one when you were younger...well, okay, maybe it was only me. I totally wanted a Samantha American Girl doll. Every November when the giant catalog came to the house I picked Samantha and all of the accessories that I felt were necessary. Of course she needed her steamer trunk and the bed, plus her ice skating outfit, oh and her horses. Well, Mommy FC, er, Santa Claus, never came through with the American Girl Doll or an EZ Bake Oven, but nothing was too good for my niece. She has 3 or 4 American Girl dolls (which she no longer plays with, I might add). But before her wonder wore off, I ended up on AG's email list. And guess what? They have Halloween outfits for your doll. Alas, no vampire outfits, but I was able to find this little ditty.

Cute,huh? At first I thought she was a nice little Pilgrim girl, but with a few additions, voilà! Vampire! I know, I know...my Photoshop skills are pretty awesome. I was going to try my hand at making a Cabbage Patch Kid into a vampire, but I didn't want to blow any minds. And take this as a warning...do NOT google vampire dolls. If you thought bad unicorns were scary, then consider yourself forewarned.

Those vampire babies really freak me out. Most of them look like hot tranny messes. But believe me, these are pretty mild. Continue at your own risk!

Earth to US Weekly: Megan Fox Makes Me Baby Barf

2009-09-28T11:00:00.000-04:00

As I was perusing my copy of The Sexy Stars of Twilight New Moon edition the other night I gasped. Wondering what was wrong, Mommy FC scampered over to the couch to see what could have upset me so. (She had already looked through the entire bookazine and still 3 days later can't get over baby Tay Tay's muscles at the nubile age of 17.) What made me start dry heaving while looking at the Precious II? Surely not the high school yearbook pics of the cast and Stephenie Meyer, or Tay Tay's dad "cheering" on the Red Wings, or the Rachelle v. Bryce as Victoria pictoral smackdown. So what was it? A small picture of Megan Fox leering over Rob with the quote, "I would eat Rob Pattinson so that I could steal some of that pretty." GAG!

I'm not sure what happened to me, but when I came to this crazy bitch was clutching my hand and whispering about stealing my pretty.
Why oh why oh why did US Weekly have to marr the wonderment of this magazine with Megan Fox? I baby barfed in my mouth a little. I told Mommy FC that I hate Megan Fox, and then she said, "FC, hate is a strong word, I know you don't mean that." Wow, I have been away from home a long time. I do hate Megan Fox. She is just ridiculous. When I picture hell (don't tell me you haven't), Megan Fox is sitting at the right hand of Beelzebub, scantily clad with a whip. Why she needs a whip, I have no idea because she is just going to drive you to utter madness with her crazy talk.

I never convinced Mommy FC that it's really okay to hate Megan Fox (but mentioning that she has a 22" waist did seem to tip the scales in my favor). Here's hoping that Megan Fox falls down a hole and journeys to the center of the earth until after the Sexy Stars of Twilight Breaking Dawn edition comes out.

Mrs. V is the Shizz

2009-09-25T22:30:00.000-04:00

As I opened my teeny tiny mailbox on Thursday night I was a little irritated because there was so much stuff crammed in there that I mistakenly thought my AMEX bill was only $400...whoops, better flatten the bill out...yikes...try $4,000. Okay, so anyway, why was my mailbox so chock full? Was it the Good Housekeeping magazine (I don't know why I have a subscription to this...I think Mommy FC sent it to me), the weekly coupon saver, or perhaps it was the 20 pieces of junk mail from Geico..yeah, just leave me alone already. You suck and I won't be coming back. For real life.

But alas, what really clogged up my mail hole was a large envelope...with air mail stickers...from Germany...from Mrs. V! And what was inside? Well, these pretties!

One for me and another one for me to cut up and frame and hang over my bed (okay, not really, but if Bitches doesn't pick her copy up promptly, there is no telling what might happen)! As I was telling Bitches all about the awesomeness in front of me, I flipped through the entire magazine. Apparently the French like cartoons...nekkid cartoons.

I really need to learn French because I need to know why that one woman (left page middle) is pulling what looks to be tampons that are tied together out of her ass...or not. Thanks Mrs. V!

Twilight v. New Moon Smackdown!

2009-09-22T20:30:00.000-04:00

So remember back in July when I ordered 3 sets of New Moon figures for Bitches, SIL FC, and myself? And how they weren't supposed to be shipped until October? And how I didn't know how I would transport them? Yeah, well, guess who got a phone call last week from the online toy store? That would be me. Apparently there was a problem with my order...I gasped. Out loud. At work. Loud enough for coworkers to surround me with worried expressions and ready to offer words of encouragement for whatever catastrophe had befallen me. AWKWARD!

So, I called the toy store later that night at their new 800 number only to find that no one was answering. I got a bad feeling that someone had duped me and that I was out a bunch of money and my New Moon figures! Ahh! But I did not give up all hope...I called again the next morning. Apparently they had to confirm that I was over the age of 18 and to get the security code on my AMEX. I guess they have had a lot of tweens calling up and ordering multiple sets of action figures?

So they arrived last Thursday, and I couldn't wait to get home and see my new action figgies. I tore open the box with my near-Herculean strength and plunged through the layers of packing popcorn and finally snatched them free from the box of hell. The BF rolled his eyes as per usual. Upon further inspection, these figures are kind of angry looking. And then I got thinking...who would win in a Bella on Bella slap-fest?

And...the ladies are off! New Moon Bella's thicker, fuller hair and barely there tank top easily make the first move. Oooooo...New Moon Bella just slapped Twilight Bella into next week! TB barely even got her arm up to retaliate! Will this be the end?
...and Twilight Bella is down for the count! The guys seem to be getting a real kick out of the girl fight. Alice doesn't seem too pleased about things. Perhaps she wanted a piece of Twilight Bella...I think she could totally take her down. We may have to schedule another smackdown.

Who do you want to see in the next Smackdown?
NM Edward v. Twi Edward
NM Edward v. NM Jacob
NM Alice v. Twi Bella
Sunglasses Edward v. NM Edward

View Results

New Moon Nightmare

2009-09-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

After realizing last week that I may have to work the night of the New Moon premiere, my level of angst over the movie has risen to DEFCON 2. Prior to reclaiming my Twiginity, I watched the original New Moon trailer and was somewhat dazzled (not just because of the prime JBone screen time). My hopes were high, and I couldn't contain my excitement over the movie. But as time has gone on, doubt has crept into my mind. The same person who wrote the Twilight screenplay also wrote New Moon and now Eclipse. And we all know how Twilight turned out. How many movies have you watched where the best parts are in the trailer and what's left in the movie just sucks? What if that happens with New Moon? I think I might die. So yeah, I'm kind of freaking out.

So when I woke up in a cold sweat the other night clutching my bosom and breathing heavily, you can understand my state of mind.

Well, I wish sexsomnia was my problem...yeah it's apparently a real sleep disorder. Wiki that shit.

No, I had a nightmare about the movie. Bitches and I were at the premiere with our WBPH t-shirts, action figures, cameras, and peanut M&Ms to use as ammunition against unruly tweens. We were finally allowed to file into the theater after waiting outside for hours. We scurried up to the top row in the middle (we were first in line natch) and readied ourselves for the movie event of 2009. While the previews played, Bitches shushed the tweens into silent submission, and then *gasp* it BEGAN! The movie started out okay, but as time went on, it morphed into some sick and demented movie featuring Megan Fox where she ate Edward. I wanted to claw my eyes out and gnaw my fingernails off. Yeah, so the cold sweat and unstable breathing was totally called for, no?

Luckily, we are still 59 days away from the premiere and Megan Fox has just bombed at the box office. I think it's safe to say that she won't be making an appearance in New Moon. Perhaps I need to chill a little and take an Ambien before bed.

We Need a Twilight FB Game!

2009-09-16T08:30:00.006-04:00

Tired of seeing how many animals your friends have birthed in FarmVille or how many people they have iced in Mafia Wars on your Facebook News Feed? Don't know what I'm talking about? How about getting cell phones and designer shoes from your sorority sisters? Or being recruited to join someone's vampire clan. Still don't know what I'm talking about? Then I guess your friends don't waste as much time on Facebook as mine do.

Now, I will admit that every once in a while I get a wild hair and join a bunch of crazy groups or take a lot of innapropriate quizzes. Some of my favorites are Not Being Impaled, Not Being on Fire, Being a Smart Ass, Butts!, and of course CHEST HAIR!!!!

The picture had me at Hasselhoff

I just can't get into these games. I ignore every request to join and fit in with the crowd. But then a thought struck me. What if we had a Twilight Fan Fic game? I would be happy to fill up my friends News Feeds with Twilight game notifications. I'm thinking the app could be a choose your own adventure type of game. You could interact with your favorite characters from the Twilight fanfic-dom and go on all sorts of exciting trips. You could shop with Alice, get pierced by Tattward, spend some time with Domward, and enlist your friends to go kick some Volturi booty. I could spend some serious time with this kind of a game. I know there are lots of talented peeps out there, so someone should definitely get on this stat. Just think of the statuses that you could post from the game:

Fire Crotch just sent ball gags to 5 of her friends in Naughty Twilight

Bitches needs help killing Bella's mom in Naughty Twilight

Fire Crotch just got her clit pierced in Naughty Twilight and is offering a bonus to make you hot as she is.

Um, yeah, okay, maybe this needs to be toned down a little for Facebook, but you get the picture right? Anyone else on board?

Wanna Be a Vampire?

2009-09-15T21:30:00.000-04:00

After scouring the interwebs for hours looking for the perfect pictures to compare the new Vampire Diaries hunks with our beloved Edward Cullen and Angel (seriously, check out the eyebrows on Stefan people), I finally checked out the CW's website. I finally got some good pics. Seriously, check out the similarities between Angel and Stefan. Do I really need to point out the eyebrows, the lips, the smoldering pouty puss?

After some more goofing around I happened upon this nice widget. I will warn you, you're going to spend a couple of minutes with this, but it's totally worth it right? Okay, well, maybe only worth it for those of us who have no idea how to Photoshop anything.

And I totally have to share my vampire self. Hot right?

Of course I took it upon myself to vamp up Bitches too! You. Are. Welcome.

Sweet Redemption

2009-09-10T20:30:00.013-04:00

Less than 48 hours after I began, I am finished. Well, done with the available chapters that is. Don't get me started on THAT. I feel as though I have a major case of blue balls waiting for the next chappie. Besides the cockblock, I absolutely LOVED The Office. I was addicted immediately, and couldn't put it down. I am also in love with the Beautiful Bastard. *sigh* FC was right when she said I needed to stock up on La Perla. I'd barely been reading a few minutes when I arrived at some yummy panty soaking bits and it pleased me greatly that they were quite frequent from then on. I also enjoyed seeing a different side of Bella. She seemed to grow a pair, she didn't allow him to walk all over her and was quite sassy. A gal after my own heart.

Just a few minutes ago, I was checking out one author's blogs when Mr. Bitches came up behind me. He was like, "that's a boob!" When I explained that this was one of the author's sites, he was delighted and said he wanted to read whatever *that* was. When I told him it's an actual story that includes smut, he said "I don't care, so long as there's action." Nice. Might I remind him of his fine collection of Letters to Penthouse he might appreciate a bit more.

I've now decided that my next conquest shall be The Submissive. Not only have I heard that it's excellent and full of smut, but it's also complete.

Oh, yea, I also have an irresistible urge to go shopping for panties...I'm thinking this weekend. I have an idea Mr. Bitches won't mind!

The Results Are In...

2009-09-08T20:30:00.001-04:00

And the winner is The Office by tby789! Bitches better stock up on La Perlas because she is in for a wet and wild ride. Oh, and if you haven't checked out tby's blog today, you definitely should...that's all I'm saying (unless you are under the age of 18...shame on you!).

Oh, and because I suspect that Bitches hasn't even started reading yet, make sure you ~~annoy~~ check in with her on Twitter to make sure she isn't slacking. Perhaps I will ~~force~~ ask her to post her progress every couple of days. For those wonderments of smut that weren't chosen in this first go-round...have no fear...Bitches will be reading them all. Mwuahahahahah! Thanks for voting!

And on another topic entirely, who is excited about the season premiere of Glee tomorrow night? Don't know what Glee is? Missed the pilot episode? Then check out the Glee wiki and watch it with me tomorrow night! Woot!

Kickin' the Tires of the Regal Cinema

2009-09-07T21:00:00.000-04:00

Much like everyone else, Bitches and I were very excited about the New Moon ticket pre-sale last week. Actually, Bitches was worried all week and finally sent me this email on Friday:

To: FC
From: Bitches
Subject: NM Tix

Ok, I was thinking about this the other day & the Twitarded girls said they just got theirs.....do we need to purchase our New Moon tickets now? Have you heard anything in regards to them going on sale in our area? I know it's a couple months away, but I'd be beside myself if we didn't get the midnight showing. I must look into this. I also think we will need to get to the theater early in the evening & camp out for good seats. I'd knock out a set of teenyboppers & risk arrest before sitting in the front. Ok, just had to get that off my chest. I feel much better now.

As I was working nightshift last week and was pretty much out of the loop, I immediately went online and found the tickets. But there was a big problem. The tickets are only being pre-sold for one theater in our area...the Regal Cinema. And of course it isn't our normal theater. So Bitches and I went back and forth all weekend and just couldn't make a decision. Finally we decided we just had to experience the theater. So last night we went to see a movie. We weighed the pros and cons of going to the Regal instead of the AMC.

And they said I wouldn't learn anything in business school! Pretty evenly matched wouldn't you say? In the end, the loveseats, the pre-sale, and the potentially un-ghetto crowd totally won out. Bitches better keep the armrest up...we may need to hold each other when Edward goes away *tear*.

The Rumors Are True: Please Help Me Redeem Myself

2009-09-04T20:35:00.008-04:00

It's true. The only piece of fanfic I have read is Wide Awake. *hangs head in shame* Quiet down, quiet down. It's shameful, I know. Ever since FC mercilessly outted me on Twitter the other day, it has weighed heavy on my heart. Before you judge or blacklist me, I'm convinced I wouldn't be in this position if they came in book form. I'm not a fan of coming home after a long day of staring at the computer screen, only to continue the torture in the evening. No matter how many unicorns are involved. And while I have a crackberry which is an amazing piece of technology and a portable vessel in which fanfic could be easily accessed at any moment, reading more than a few pages isn't something I enjoy. Then, there is the bain of my existence, The Man. The Man has made the last months of my life absolute torture, and to be honest, after a long day of fuckery my brain discontinues functioning and all I want to do is sit in a darkened room in absolute silence. Even if I did have time to do some pleasure reading during work, apparently, my employer finds this activity neither productive or a fundamental activity to completing my daily tasks. So, I'm left to reading on my own time, which is sparse and cherished.

Anywho, I absolutely loved Wide Awake. I was hooked immediately and enjoyed the adult content. It also gave me a new phrase which fits perfectly into my life and is used often - FML. It's this reason (as well as the hounding and heckling I receive regularly from FC) that leads me to overcome my issues and read another fanfic. I've been assured that the below choices contain adult content (which is now a requirement for my smutty mind) and are each pieces of wonderment. Ultimately, I will read them all, however, I need a good place to start and figured, who better to ask than the experts?

What should I read next?

He's All Mine Ladies!

2009-09-02T20:00:00.000-04:00

After capping off my last night shift at work until November, I awoke this morning to an extremely pleasurable tweet from RobsButtonsBabe. Check out this great video she made of Cannes Rob (my Rob remember?) and it totally brightened my day, not to mention made my morning shower more exciting, hehe. Please to enjoy the wonderment!

Cannes Rob
Uploaded by RobsButtonsBabe. - Explore more family videos.

Make sure to check out her YouTube channel for more amazing Rob vids!

How Does This Relate to Vamps?

2009-08-30T19:00:00.001-04:00

I've really gotten behind on my gossip and decided to peruse US Weekly this morning. And what did I find besides Jon Gosselin's douche status being confirmed over and over again? A little ditty from the Backstreet Boys. Apparently they are coming out with a new CD in October *FC jumps up and down and squees just a little*. So of course I decided to watch the new video and this is what I saw (sorry, embedding is disabled, but if you click the pic it will take you to the vide on YouTube).

Now, I heart vampires in a big way just like the rest of you, but after watching this video, I started to smell desperation. The title of the song is Straight Through My Heart, so I guess with the vamp theme they are going for the stake through the heart deal. Somehow this just seems like they are reaching. Maybe they are trying to tap into the mature Twitard market since we were teenagers when the BSBs were cool. I give the video 3 out of 5 mehs. Seriously, they needed to throw in some sparkle action and/or some hot, shirtless vampire guys. Oh and in the whole video the boys aren't vamps, but wait for it...warning, spoiler ahead, at the end they are!

I raise my bottle of Diet Mtn Dew to the boys and wish them well on their comeback (isn't this like their second one?). Not sure if they will warrant their own cruise or anything (like NKTOB), but if they come anywhere near where I am, I will totally go to there. And perhaps in their next video they can get on the rolled up skinny jeans train and writhe around on stripper poles like Miley (seriously, when did rolled up skinny jeans become a trend?).

Look...I'm Famous!

2009-08-25T21:00:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago I received an email from someone who stumbled upon our humble blog here and requested an interview. An interview with moi? Apparently she was interested in my Kindle reading habits. Long story short, since I'm an attention whore I totally did the interview and have been waiting eagerly for the article to come out online. So check it out here.

Yeah, that's the story right below some stuff about Obama, the cast of 30-something being in their 50s, some chick who slept with Bernie Madoff, and some story about Muammar Gaddafi. While I'm a little bummed that the blog wasn't mentioned, I'm pretty psyched. I mean, I totally got one of those cool quotes in the middle of the story!

Oh, and on another note about famous people, I saw Robert Irvine from Dinner: Impossible (it's on the Food Network) in the airport this afternoon. Yeah, he looked exactly like he does in this picture. Tight black shirt and everything. I was quite shocked because I was all the way in terminal E in Charlotte (it's where they send planes to die), and I never would have thought he would be flying in one of those little prop planes.
Absolutely no one looked like they recognized him. So what do I do? I whipped out my iPhone and tried to get a pic...crappy camera...he was too far away. So then I decided I would just walk right over there and introduce myself and try to get a pic. But wouldn't you know they called my zone and I wasn't going to let anyone get on the plane and take up my overhead bin space. Alas, no picture with a somewhat disgraced tv chef. Oh well. What does this experience tell me? I know I would totally have the guts to go up to Jackson Rathbone with Memory_Jean and ask him If You Seek Amy. Hehe. Although, my stomach kind of felt yucky after the Robert Irvine thing...so I might throw up on him. Oh well!

How Winning the Mega Millions Would Change My Twi-Life

2009-08-24T19:30:00.000-04:00

With Mega Millions fever running rampant across much of the US...okay perhaps it's only a fever in my head...I've given a lot of thought in the past couple of weeks to how winning this massive jackpot would or wouldn't change my life. And by massive, I mean $252 big ones with a capital M. Sorry for all you Powerball players...one ticket hit the $260 million jackpot last week. Anywho, I've gone through the normal list of things to do:

Hire a personal driver. Yes, this has been my dream basically since my 18th birthday when I was handed the keys to a car and thus apparently became responsible for my own transportation. I hate driving. I wish all the stupid drivers (you know you are: the people who drive under the speed limit in the left-hand lane, the people who do not signal when turning, the people who are too busy talking on their cell phones, texting, reading, eating, or otherwise engaged in an activity not condusive to driving) would just get off the road already and let me clip along at 90 mph. I think a personal driver would make perfect sense, and yes, it would be the first thing I would do.

Make Mommy FC retire. And how do I propose she break the news to her coworkers? I'd have her roll up to her place of business with a bunch of Costco sheet cakes all emblazoned with this slogan: "Toodaloo motherfuckas!" Too much? Perhaps, but I would certainly get a kick out of it. *To explain this proverbial middle finger to her employer, Mommy FC is a prolific baker. Her cakes, breads, and cookies are highly sought after in her workplace. Growing up as a child was tough in the FC household. We would have to smell and see these wonderful tasty treats being made on a weekly basis for meetings, birthdays, and just because. Then they would be whisked away by Mommy FC saying that these are "for work." So yeah, they get Costco sheetcakes, which frankly are super-tasty and probably still too good for these people.

Pay off the credit card, the car (only 8 more payments and it's all mine!), the mortgage

Take a month-long vacation with Bitches and Mr. Bitches and buy lots of purses (Aspen Food and Wine festival anyone?)...and Mr. Bitches can bring a friend to go to basketball games and whatnot with.

Build a cell phone tower receiver thing on my roof...seriously...why do I have to walk outside to get cell phone reception?

Those are the immediate concerns. Obviously I would have to think about the rest of my family, but that's boring, so let's move on to what I began thinking about today. How would my Twi-life change? I was making my bed and was kind of shocked that I hadn't thought about this subject before. Twilight has become such an integral part of my life. From the blog to Twitter to vacationing with Pocket Edward, I would have so much to gain by winning the Mega Millions. Just think about it for a minute...gone would be the tweets, "RL calls, bbl" or "gotta make dinner" or "need to go to work." Okay, well, maybe not the "RL calls, bbl" tweet because Lord knows that massuer out by the pool can't wait for you all day and meetings with your personal shopper must be taken. However, I was able to come up with a few Twi-related purchases that would definitely enhance my Twi-life.

A nice shiny volvo

A kiss from Robert Pattinson...for charity of course!

Plane tickets (first class of course...or maybe a private jet) to Forks...time for a little field trip

Those creepy looking Tonner dolls

Bitches and I will definitely be getting the VIP package to all of the Twi-conventions

And Memory_Jean and I will totally become groupies for 100 Monkeys

Ah, just thinking about all of the time that I could spend blogging, tweeting, reading fanfic, and learning how to do proper photo manipulations so that I can put my face convincingly over KStew's in all couply pics with RPattz, makes me jizz in my pants just a little bit. Perhaps I would even embark upon writing my own fic (Tasha, you know the one).

So I will leave you with this final thought in closing. If you won millions, what would you do to make your Twi-life better?

Twilight and That 70s Show

2009-08-20T22:30:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder what Twilight might have looked like had it been filmed in the 70s? No? Well, too bad because this video is going to show you.

SMVGREY's videos have totally captivated me this week...especially her recent Eric video. And if you don't know Eric, you should watch it (hint...he's the hottie in True Blood that I totally want to lock in a room and...um, well, I'm not going to divulge all the details of that particular fantasy). Anyway, she has some other cool Twilight vids as well as a plethora of True Blood vids. Check them out and show her some love!

Pocket Edward Does NYC: Part Deux

2009-08-18T18:40:00.012-04:00

As FC told you all yesterday, we took a girls trip to NYC this past weekend. The girls had been forewarned weeks in advance of Pocket Edward's presence during this trip and advised he would be whipped out at a moments notice to document his journey to the city. They were surprisingly welcoming of him and even offered suggestions.

On Saturday, we stepped into FAO Schwartz. I say stepped because we literally "stepped" in and out of the store. We bailed while the other gals shopped & power shopped our way through the Apple Store & Bergdorf Goodman's. We didn't last long in Bergdorf Goodman's since we were rather offended to be trailed by 3 security guards. Come on, don't we JUST look like the type that would stop in and pick up a few 5K bags? Hmph. Anyhow, PE rather enjoyed his 2 minute stop in the toy store.

While we were snapping away, a grown chick walked by and actually squealed to her boyfriend, "Look, it's Edward Cullen!"

We also stopped by the NBC Store in Rockefeller Center. PE was rather excited to see Matt Lauer and begged for us to take his picture with him. He's a lot taller than I'd imagined.

I think FC may have been grabbing Matt's ass.

No trip is complete without frolicking through Central Park. Yes, that is me cheesing it like the psycho freak I am.

PE was feeling rather frisky and was copping a feel of my boob. I didn't mind. I liked it.

PE had no part in the following images you are about to view. We found ourselves with some time on our hands and since I have no shame, the following events kept us entertained. If you have a weak stomach or you're easily horrified by 80's apparel, please do not look at the following pictures. Please to enjoy.

What terrified me the most about this get-up was that Mr. Bitches was mildly turned on by it. *shudder*

You may have seen me on the street corner in Times Square working as a Lady of the Night.

As we all know, FC is OBSESSED with unicorns. I think she can literally spot one in a mile radius. So, NYC was no exception. She jumped up and down like a three year old when she saw this gem.

I'm thinking Christmas pressie.

Pocket Edward Does NYC

2009-08-17T20:30:00.001-04:00

This past weekend Bitches and I went to NYC with a 6 other hawt chicas. It was a big group and while they all know about our Twilight obsession, none have been successfully converted. That's a fail, I'll admit it, but I'm going to lay all the blame on Bitches. She sees these girls every Thursday night while I battle through airports. Anyway, the girls were quite accepting of Pocket Edward and our zany picture taking, and from checking out their pics of us taking pics of PE on Facebook today, it was a highlight of the trip.

We had to stop and get a picture with this amazing likeness of PE. The vendor hurried over to see what all of the hub-bub was about since there were 8 girls all circling this one picture with cameras and an action figure. I couldn't really tell if he was concerned or amused.

We visited the NBC store and went a little crazy. Neither of us watch Heroes, so we don't really know who this guy is, but Edward could totally kick his ass. I mean, the guy's name is Claude and he has a bird. Unless the bird can read minds and snap through steal with his beak, Edward wins.
Bella decided that she could take on this chick in the wife-beater. Can anyone tell me why she has and extra head? It's kinda disturbing. A guy came over while we were taking pictures in the store and totally felt that the Heroes figures were better than PE...ha...whatever!

Screen lickers unite!
And then Edward decided to do some licking of his own. I'm not sure what drew him to Smurfette, but she is pretty smurfy. Things started getting a little out of hand and we had to make a quick escape back to the t-shirt section.

I want to go to there!
Edward decided to do a little rock climbing in Central Park. He was happy to be in the outdoors after being followed around Bergdorf Goodman's by not one, not two, but three security guards.

Edward was eager to mingle with the ladies in Times Square. Unfortunately he thought the sign for the Virgin store was a place he could find actual virgins...heh, yeah, no.

All in all, everyone we met while taking pictures with PE was very receptive and helpful. Bitches has some more pictures in places like FAO Schwarz...yeah, we bring our own toys to the toy store. Heh. I'm already looking forward to all of the amazing pictures that I can take on my vacation in Florida...yay!

Some More Tastiness...

2009-08-16T13:10:00.003-04:00

Like how I didn't tell you what kind of tastiness? Yeah, it's not Rob tastiness...

I can't believe I never saw this before. Shhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn the non-believer!

Guest Post and Peace Out Yo!

2009-08-14T02:00:00.000-04:00

fanart manip by Angela at Lion_Lamb LJ
In case you missed the ad on the right side of the screen, I did a guest post this week (thanks Cutes!). And now you know why I neglected WBPH this week. Sorry peeps...please come back! My visitor counter is suffering withdrawals! Check it out because I did an awesome job...and really, I'm being modest. I could really go on and on about how great this post is. I have already received threats from the other guest bloggers because they are so jealous of my mad indentation and italicization skills. If you don't go and read it AND comment, I will rain down my crotch fire upon you. BEWARE!

Additionally, Bitches and I will be traveling to NYC this weekend...so no new blog posts until Monday (possibly Sunday if you are good). If you see two girls licking the ass of the bull statue on Wall Street and fondling his balls...yeah, that was us. The Edwards (...and Bella too, meh) will also be going (some will be traveling in business class...others will be back in coach *cough* Bitches *cough*). Check back for hilarious pics next week. TTFN!

More Emails from the Edge

2009-08-13T11:57:00.006-04:00

Two nights ago, I was working hard on a post (not for here, for here) and needed a break. Being the good daughter that I am, I decided to email Mommy FC. This is what I sent her:

From: FC
Sent: Wed 8/12/09 12:16 AM
To: Mommy FC
Cc: SIL FC; Bitches
Subject: Mommy Dearest

Mom, I feel that I have given you plenty of time to get used to the blog, and I have left some subtle hints about how you now need to read The Saga and come into the fold or else. I was able to infect Bitches, SIL, my boss, and countless others indirectly with my Twi-mania, and since it is a mere 100 days until the New Moon premiere, I must insist that you read at the very least Twilight on your Canadian Rockies trip. You'll have plenty of boring airplane time to devote to the cause. I would even venture to say that you will probably zip through the book and may need to lend it to Aunt FC.

I'm going to speak for SIL FC and the niece when I proclaim that you must read Twilight and New Moon before Thanksgiving (when I will be home and we will all trek to the cinema and shell out tens of dollars to see this movie for at least the 4th or 5th time). Please be on the lookout for a package from Amazon. Believe me, you will thank me later. And in case you think you are the only bloggy Mom being forced to read The Saga, think again:

The Reluctant Twitard

On another note...I have decided to reclaim my Twiginity and will not be watching any movie trailers, interviews, or set-stalking pics. I fear I may have ruined New Moon for myself by watching everything available on the interwebs over the past few months, so I have vowed that Eclipse will be different. I want to be able to enjoy it like I did Twilight...pointing out every single thing that wasn't in the book. I hope that you will all support me in not being spoiler bunnies. Bitches is taking bets on how long I will last...she doesn't even give me until the end of the month.

And, yes, I realize that perhaps I have lost my sanity, but at the very least, it's been entertaining right? I'm burning the midnight oil literally doing a guest blog post and needed a break. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Oh, and mom, the Twitarded post does have spoilers, so you may not want to read the entire thing.

Love,
FC

Well, it's been 2 days...and nothing. Either Mommy FC is planning a Twintervention or I have stupefied her with my twihardedness. So I emailed SIL FC to get the goods on the situation on the home front this morning. Apparently, this is what Mommy FC had to say:

From: SIL FC
To: FC
Sent: Thu 8/13/09 7:57 AM
Subject RE: I blame you again‏ <--this is for introducing her to The Submissive and The Dominant and put the NSFW warning on there...and of course she read it at work!
She mentioned the email to me. She was confused. Her words were, "I received this really bizarre email from FC." I started laughing. She said, "she wants me to read those books but the niece would never lend them to me." I replied, "mom she is sending them to you via amazon." She was like, "Oh. Well, whatever." I told her it was only fair for her to have to read them, since she narked me out to you and you force fed them to me, lmao!

Somehow I don't think, "Oh. Well, whatever," was the appropriate response. *clasping hands together evilly* Mommy FC may be getting a mini-E delivery to her place of work one of these days. Mwuhahahahaha!

And for all of you who would also like to join the spoiler-free zone, here's some inspiration courtesy of EtomyB.

Let Google Search Help You!

2009-08-11T20:00:00.001-04:00

After a long bloggy absence (okay it's only been since Saturday), I come back today stronger than ever. Okay not really. I just totally ripped off the idea from here because I have a lot of work to do and don't have the time or energy to be original. Sorry peeps.

So you know how when you type stuff in the Google Search and it prompts you with possible queries? If not, go to Google and try it, after you read this blog of course fool! Here are some mighty interesting searches for sure.

I understand all of the doomsday stuff, but check that out...we twi-hards must have our Twilight DVDs! It's certainly more important than finding out when the recession will end but slightly less important than finding out when you will get your tax refund. Here's why: lots of peeps needed the refund to go and purchase said Twilight DVD.

People want to know where the vice president lives only slightly more than they want to know where Robert Pattinson lives. Hmmm...very interesting. I can't understand the Miley Cyrus inquiry, perhaps it's all of the middle-aged stalkers she has.

TMI alert! I have googled "why is my poop green." You'll have to google to find out why it turned green. And now I totally need to understand "why is a raven like a writing desk." Sounds like some crazy-ass English assignment that the kid was hoping to copy from the interwebs.

"How does Twitter work?" Not very well the for the past week. And I would also like to know how David Blaine levitates...he is the spawn of Satan...seriously, he is creepy. Maybe if he dated Cameron Diaz it would bring his creepiness level down to defcon 3.

You seriously don't know what "if you seek Amy" means? Still? Even after the Britney song? You probably are the same person who doesn't understand what "sofa king awesome" means either. Here's a hint...just say it fast...and if you still don't get it, then it's probably something you don't do very often.

"She's more important than the antichrist and Lady Gaga..."
"What is, who is Robert Pattinson dating?"
Ding, ding, ding! "You are correct. Make your next selection."
"Thanks Alex, I'll take crazy Google searches for $400."

Thanks for joining the studio audience. Here's a lovely parting gift for you.