Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

BlogoWriMo Day 30

We have reached the final day of BlogoWriMo. I know, a tear is coming to your eye, but I urge you to wipe it away. I'm not going to let the last 30 days, the hundreds of words written, the questionable pics uploaded, all fade to black just when I've built you up to a fevered pitch and then shower you in feathers. No, I'm going to keep going. I know some of you doubted me and were taking bets on how long I would last...you know who you are...and I'm going to come and hunt you down like Laurent racing from the wolf pack. Yup, just like that.

You all have been awesome with your comment love and have raised a bunch of money for
CCFA! I will have the final tally tomorrow. Yup...a post tomorrow...well unless this stomach thing really gets serious (thanks SIL FC...seriously, you shouldn't have hugged me).

But I have been pondering the things that I have missed out on in the last month because I have been blogging like a mad-woman. Okay, not a mad-woman exactly, I will be the first to admit that I phoned some of those posts in and/or pulled them out of my ass...yes the smelled like ass too. So here are some of the things that I missed this past month:

  1. Blog trolling - and I know you have all missed my outlandish comments on your blogs; and everyone has changed their blog designs! Simply gorgeous ladies!

  2. Fanfic induced wet panties - my inbox looks like a who's who of naughty written deliciousness; it's going to take a while to get through all of it; and yes SIL FC, I will beta chapter 2 of AFLB!


Now back to the reason I started BlogoWriMo...to copycat support all of the lovely ladies who participated in NaNoWriMo:

Fragile Littel Human
COD Widow
onepushyfox
uhyesplease
EyesofAmberBlog
Honolulu Girl

So, how did they do? Well, I'm not really sure. You'll have to ask them yourselves since I was otherwise occupied. Perhaps they will let us all know in the comments! So who's up for the challenge next year? I will do BlogoWriMo again next year, so some of you better do NaNoWriMo!

So what did you miss while I was blogging? Did you miss Bitches? Tell her how much you heart her and can't wait to see some new stuff from her. Trust me, she has some stupendous posts coming up.
Love you all...and there is still time to comment! I'm taking comments until 11:59 PM EST tonight! Do it...or else it's going to get really ugly up in here (um, yeah, that's kind of a quote from Jacob in NM, but you know I can't quote movies to save my life)!

BlogoWriMo Day 29 - I'll Never Get Laid in This Bed Again

But does it really matter? I have Edward in my bed every night, heh.

BlogoWriMo Day 28 - Twi-Thanksgiving

As promised, the Pocket Army came out to play for the annual FC family Saturday Thanksgiving feast. Mommy FC is the best cook ever!

This li'l Pilgram is fully protected, if you know what I'm saying...


Jacob is always so helpful to Mommy FC...yuck.


What a marshmallow!


Food fight! Looks like Jacob has a wicked curve ball with the mashed potatoes.


Clean up is a bitch. Don't I look like I'm doing the Bella cross-eyed face?


Too bad you can't eat pumpkin pie...it was delicious.


I'll take a slice of apple pie with a side of Guidoward, please!


Hope you have all enjoyed these pics and had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

BlogoWriMo Day 27 - Black Friday Twilight Style

After getting over the shock of my 89 year-old grandmother starting out our Thanksgiving feast talking about how she suffered from her first bout with diarrhea this past week (this only strengthened my theory that every dinner-table conversation we have in our family devolves into shit, even the classy ones), we ate, drank, conversed, and then went home to plan our Black Friday shopping strategy. (*Note: I forgot the pocket army and have no pics, but Mommy FC is doing another Thanksgiving tomorrow, so not to worry.) Oh, and back to the diarrhea thing...seriously, she never had it before? In 89 years? Crazy! Yeah, and Aunt FC totally started singing the diarrhea song.


The shopping strategy went out the door because we were all too tired to remember the plan at 3 AM. We ended up zig-zagging back and forth across town with a baby and a car filled with Christmas presents no less than 5 times. And thank you nice lady who told me that the Giant on Cowpath Road had the Keurig coffee maker for only $59.99! Eat it Bed, Bath and Beyond - 50% off (clearly the best buy of the day)!

I did manage to acquire a bit of twi-merch. First stop: Toys R Us. Mommy FC and SIL FC skipped the toys and went to Old Navy where we had to wait in the longest line known to man. When I joined them in the line at Old Navy and started showing off the merch, obviously the people behind me were just jealous...on the inside. Then we went to more places I can't really remember, and coming upon one of the weakest Salvation Army bell ringers in history...he didn't even have a bell. I remember going to Target where SIL FC ran over at shouted at some women in the Barbie aisle. The coveted Bella Barbie and the Twilight Scene It game are now mine. A few hours later I acquired a new tree for the Twi-Christmas tree (don't forget to send pics of your ornaments!).

This chick has some really awesome stuff! Check her out here!

Nine hours and hundreds of dollars later we rolled up to the FC estate to unload our spoils of war. But really the most important purchase was 2 New Moon fleece blankets I pried from the cold dead hands of little tweens at 4 AM this morning. Why would I need two? It's for a Snuggie bitch! Born out of a New Moon viewing,
Meg and I came up with the fabulous-o idea of making a Twilight Snuggie. After minutes hours of searching the interwebs for Twilight Snuggies and finding nothing, I vowed that I would make one. Thank goodness Mommy and SIL FC are handy with a sewing machine. Stay tuned for the unveiling of the Twilight Snuggie. You will be blown away. For those of you wondering what the eff a Snuggie is, please to enjoy:

BlogoWriMo Day 26 - Giving Thanks

I will start off this post with a bit of mush, so just deal with it. I am thankful for all of our readers and commenters here on WBPH. You all have made BlogoWriMo a rousing success and I know that Fragile Little Human and CCFA are going to be really happy with the donation at the end of the month! Keep commenting...only a few more days left. Wanna know how much we have raised so far? Check out the thermometer over there -->

Okay, now onto the more base things that I am thankful for this holiday season:


  1. Doin' it - thanks Mr. and Mrs. Pattinson

  2. The DILF - thanks Mr. Weitz...even though you look eerily like the late Christopher Reeve and speak like a valley girl,I'd still do you because of your excellent work on New Moon

  3. Action Figures - I would like to amend this a bit...I'm also thankful to TSA for snickering every time my laptop bag goes through the X-ray machine

  4. Charlie Pepper Spray Rambo - thanks to Betti and Mrs. Vanquish for this wonderment

  5. Full-size Jasper - nothing more needs to be said...MJ and Cutie are da-bomb

  6. Haikus - I'm thankful for those girls over at the Twiangle; if you haven't checked out their Hump Day Haikus...do it!

  7. Robporn - amcas...I heart you!

  8. Fanfic - thank you for making me run through panties like toilet paper at the New Moon movie

  9. Phil Dwyer - if it weren't for you going off to Florida and playing minor league ball, Bella would never have gone to Forks...

BlogWriMo Day 25 - It's Gonna Be a Twi Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! One month to go peoples...and apparently snow flakes are already in the forecast here. Gah! I hope you have compiled your lists and checked them twice (I'm still hunting for a Barbie Bella). We all know that Santa never really leaves coal, so you better have some good stuff waiting for him by the tree.


Calling all crafty Twi-hards. Send me pics of your best Twilight holiday decorations (webiteprettyhard[at]hotmail[dot]com). I will post them throughout the month of December. I'm making a Twilight tree this year...think red ribbons, red apples, pics of Robward, corn...it's going to be epic!

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BlogoWriMo Day 24 - Must Be Dead Bird



We have all had bleeding vaginas at one time or another. Can you imagine putting a tampon up there that smells like garlic? Ew. Two words: dead bird.

BlogoWriMo Day 23 - Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry

So I am home for the Thanksgiving holiday and finally was enjoying my first home-cooked meal in months. After finishing an excellent dinner with Mommy FC and SIL FC, I leaned back in my chair and contemplated eating a piece of chocolate cake. At this point SIL FC asks me, "So when are you going to finish reading the second chapter of my story?"

I didn't blink an eye and said, "Well, I just haven't had the time and the first time I read the chapter it needed some work." Wait a second...what? Her chapter?

Yes, well it seems that I have been duped. SIL FC is actually one of my favorite fanfic authors,
IvyLane24. And I only have one thing to say about it.


Apparently Mommy FC was also complicit in this deception as was sjAimee. Just watch out. You are all on my radar now.

If you are wondering what
IvyLane24 has written, check out the following stories:

A Twisted Twilight Tale
A Fine Line Between
The Volturi Affair

BlogoWriMo Day 22 - I Drive Like a Cullen

Apparently the Virginia State Police doesn't like it though. Now taking donations to pay my huge ticket.

BlogoWriMo Day 21 - Anti-Fuckery Prayer

Before the movie on Thursday night, Bitches and I caught a quick bite at our local Chick-Fil-A. Yes, I know I said we were having Gobblers, but I made the command decision that they would be too messy. Bitches cannot deal with goo and stickiness.

As we saunter into Chick-Fil-A, we realize that it's kids night and the place is absolutely crazy. We order and Bitches immediately searches out a booth. Let's just say I was a little over-joyed when the only booth open was the one right behind her super-Christian gyno. Remember the shirt that Bitches procured? The "I would strip for the Cullens" shirt? Yup, totally awesome.

After we sat down to eat our tasty treat, Bitches prayed for our food (out loud...yeah I went there, but it's a big deal...she never prays for my food). And at the very end of the prayer she sneaks in a little something especially for New Moon.

I just about fell out of the booth once I realized what she had said. Our dear little Bitches. Even your prayers include potty mouth. But, the good Lord heard her prayer. There was no fuckery during the movie. Now on Friday night...that was a different story...

BlogoWriMo Day 20 - Feelin' Pervy

We anticipated for months.
We purchased tickets.
We stalked theater workers about seating.
We flirted with little high school boys (ok, it was more Bitches than me).
We watched.
We cried.
We jizzed.
We...felt...pervy.

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Even though I had seen the pics of Taylor shirtless in GQ and Men's Health, I wasn't prepared. I even ridiculed Mommy FC for crushing on our favorite jailbait. I may have jizzed in my pants when Jacob took his shirt off to sop the blood off of Bella's head after the motorcycle accident. I may have jizzed again when Bella comes to bitch out Jacob for ignoring her after the movies. And then there was a bunch of jizzing after that because Jacob didn't have his shirt on for the rest of the movie (well except for when they walked on the beach after the dog fight). At one point I said out loud, "This is so wrong."

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I wanted Bella to make out with him. I wanted her to stay when he begged her not to go after Edward. And when he and Edward had their little argument, I kinda wanted them to go at it. TayTay brought it with a vengeance. I heart him hard. Thank you Taylor Lautner for making New Moon so awesome.

BlogoWriMo Day 19 - Squeemageddon!

We are in the theater awaiting Twilight with baited breath. I fear there may be fuckery behind us, but Bitches has assured me that she has the duct tape. I was able to procure a Burger King crown as well. It has been quite the productive day.

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We hope that everyone has an enjoyable and fuckery free movie experience! And that you don't jizz too much as to be emarrassing.

Love, Bitches and Fire Crotch

BlogoWriMo Day 18 - Jizzing and Depends

Jizzing is what I will be doing tomorrow night beginning at 9 PM. Okay, well probably earlier. Bitches and I will be meeting at 7 PM. She's bringing the peanut butter M&Ms, and I'm bringing the Gobblers and New Moon candy bars. Who's going to bring the Depends?





One more day! Just one more day!

BlogoWriMo Day 17 - Are You Team Jedward?

No not the Jedward you think I'm talking about. I know you all thought I came up with a cutsie new Switzerlandish type name for those of you who are too pussy to pick either Team Jacob or Team Edward. Get it? The J from Jacob + Edward = Jedward. See what I did there?

Really the choice is clear isn't it?

Due to my love of(or near obsession with) BBC Radio 1 I have become aware of a duo dubbed Jedward. They're on the show X Factor (the British precursor to American Idol). Apparently Jedward is making waves on the show because they aren't very good singers. But just look at them...how cute are they? They kind of remind me of Sanjaya and the ponyhawk.


I especially love how the one twins can't dance. Oh, and the other one can't rap. But their hair is awesome! I bet they are going to go all the way. Heck even Simon Cowell kind of likes them.

Check out this BBC Radio 1 interview with Mr. Pattinson. Apparently Scott Mills partied a little too hard the night before and wasn't able to make it to the interview. And since one of my co-workers interrupted my Pattinson rapture this afternoon, let's all watch it together.


New Moon is only 2 days away!

BlogoWriMo Day 16 - It's a Love Story

A few weeks ago I got a bright idea. They don't happen very often, so I seized it and immediately went to work. After selling my beloved U2 tickets last month (seriously, I missed out on Muse too, but I will be seeing them next July), I had a little money left over and decided that it would be fun to spend it on some Twi merch. Around the same time I saw the full-size New Moon character posters. The one that really got me excited was Jasper. And then I thought...you know who else likes Jasper? Memory Jean! How much fun would it be to send FSJ to MJ's doorstep? That's where the plotting came into play. Not knowing MJ's address I contacted her bestie, Cutie. It was decided that Cutie would take care of the element of surprise. And that's where Cutie picks up the story. I humbly present to you, WBPH's first guest blogger, the cutest of all cutes, Cutie from Super Secret Twilight Blog!


*cutie blushes*


The honor is all mine, thou who's crotch doth fire.

*bows down before the flaming one*

You and Bitches run an amazing blog here on WBPH,

with Mr. Bitches and his shenanigans lurkin' about.


And I feel greatly honored that you have

asked me to be your first guest poster!


But you *points at the reader* aren't here to see me stick

my nose up Fire's ass. So let's get right to this tale.



When Fire emailed me that she was going to send Ms. Sassy Pants MJ

a full sized Jasper I knew something wonderful was about to take place!


For those of you who aren't aware, the MJ is slightly obsessed with the BoneMan.
**Thanks, I spit out my Cinnamon Dulce Latte when I read this line...the BoneMan, hehe.**



The meeting between the two was epic and

I could tell it was love at first sight:


video

I know...

I am speechless as well...

So... um...

*pondering the wrongness of what she just saw*

an-E-ways....

They got along reeeaaallllly well.

They just couldn't take their eyes off of one another!

Before you could say corn dog they were holding hands.




Ms MJ with her oh so subtle moves was making Jasper shiver.

But when she started with the light pettin':





...that's when we found out that the sun isn't the only thing


that makes vampires sparkle.


Jasper was having a hard time hiding his.. errr... happiness. **ew!**




And I found the need to leave the room quickly

when they moved their meeting to the couch...



Annnd...

the rest as they say is history...

The End.

(And I think we all know it was a happy ending. *grins wickedly*)


Note from MJ: *blushing profusely* This never happened....

Note from cutie: Keep telling yourself that, my friend. *giggles will hugging MJ*
Note from FC: You girls totally rocked this post and are welcome back any time. I love yous!

BlogoWriMo Day 15 - It's Gobbler Time Bitches

This is one of my favorite times of year...not because the leaves are so pretty or the nip in the air or Black Friday sales, but because Wawa (my local gas/convenience store chain) has the Gobbler. What exactly is the Gobbler? Oh, let me tell you. It's an entire Thanksgiving feast on a hoagie roll. Complete wonderment. The hot turkey, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce combine together to make the perfect sandwich. Just take a gander.


Now I know there are going to be some haters on this sandwich, but until you have tried this ultimate tastiness with some provolone cheese melted in it, I beg of you, keep your opinions to yourself. I totally think Rob would like it with a beer...and some corn. And when he visits I'll be sure to get a pic of us in line at the Wawa deli counter eating our Gobblers.

Oh, and for those of you wondering
which shirt I'm wearing to the premier...I'll be wearing the Sparkle Fool shirt on Thursday night and the Charlie Rambo shirt on Friday night when we meet Meg for the movie. Poor Bitches may have to re-wear her stripper shirt. Pictures will be forthcoming.

BlogoWriMo Day 14 - It's a T-shirt Bonanza!

For the past few days I have been leaving cryptic statuses on my Facebook account about squeemageddon and t-shirts. Cryptic you ask? How so? Well, this is my real life (RL) Facebook account and the majority of my "friends" don't know about my Twilight obsession (only those nearest and dearest to me). And then on Friday it happened, one of my co-workers at my current client asked me what squimidgeon was. Thought 1: respond with a question...what do you mean? (because obviously she didn't spell it right so how the hell should I know what she's talking about. Or Thought 2: tell the truth...or as much as I was willing to reveal. So this is what I sent back to my co-worker:

From: Heather (because for obvious reasons I don't go by FC at work)
To: Heather's Co-worker
Subject: Re: how RTs do charges (that's top secret shizz)

Oh, um, that's what people are calling the premiere of New Moon (you know the new Twilight movie). All of us fangirls will be squeeing all over the place. Here's the definition of squee from Urban Dictionary:

A noise primarily made by an over-excited fangirl, however it has spread rapidly and is now widely spread among the web community.
Ex. Omg!! New Harry Potter book out!! Omg Squee squee! omg!!!

I tried to make it less obvious to my Facebook friends what I was talking about. Only a very few chosen ones really know what I'm talking about, heh. Hope this at least made you laugh!



Of course this made her laugh...I am sure that I will be the butt of many jokes when I come back on Monday, but let me tell you this...at least 3 separate women have come up to me secretly to tell me how much they have loved Twilight. Yeah, that's what she said! Okay, so why is this only half the truth? Because my own personal definition of squee also includes some female jizzing. Just sayin'.

So, onto the rest of the Facebook status...the shirt.
Amber and Kerry from Eyes of Amber were nice enough to send me a CafePress t-shirt. I don't want to reveal why...let's just say smuggling may or may not have been involved. Anyhoo, I've been sweatin' whether or not the shirt would arrive in time for the premiere. This afternoon I checked my mailbox and guess what I found. Not one but two packages from CafePress. I was absolutely certain my shirt had finally arrived. I knew that I must immediately put it on and model it for you.

I know...I'm totally a contender for Rack of the Week right?

But what of the second package? I was absolutely perplexed! It turns out
Betti and Mrs. Vanquish are super awesome and sent me a special shirt! Check it out and drool bitches!


If you don't recognize this awesomeness, then you should check out the Twilight Book v. Movie discussion. Still not convinced? Then check out the front and back shots of this awesome shirt and then go check out the discussion!




Thank you everyone! Today was like Christmas...a Twilight Christmas! I love you all!

BlogoWriMo Day 13 - Rob's Unlucky Day

Happy Friday the 13th! In honor of this day, Rob decided that he would test some of the oldest superstitions in the book. Let's see how he makes out shall we?


Uh oh...a black cat. Don't walk across his path...wait...don't...don't do it! But Rob thinks cats are gross.


Oh noes! Not the umbrella...now bad luck will rain down on you Rob!


Walking under a ladder...Rob is now in league with Satan...seriously, check it
out.


And now he is going to have seven years of bad luck for breaking that mirror. Or maybe it was all of the screeching fangirls who did it.


I don't know, but I think Rob is one lucky bastard. I don't think any of these things could cause him bad luck, do you?

Many thanks to
RobsButtonsBabe and Rob-Nipulations for all of the awesome pics. She is the bomb!

BlogoWriMo Day 12 - Comments Please

First, I want to start out with something really nice. Did you see Mrs. Vanquish's blog recently? No? Well, guess what. She gave me an award. I know, who would give this potty mouth an award...especially after the corn post. Well believe it haters because here it is!


And do you wanna know why she gave it to me? Not because I wrote her an awesome comment like Betti, but because for every comment one of my BlogoWriMo posts gets this month I am donating $1 to CCFA. Remember? Check out the total so far over in the sidebar.

And for those of you who read the
corn post and the comments, you may have noticed a not so nice anonymous comment in there. And if you didn't here it is:

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? WTF.. Can you even fucking spell LAME? I'm just sitting here shaking my fucking head trying to pretend that was worth my fucking time reading. Could I have the last five minutes of my life back? I could use them to go watch that douche Rob say "I'm Edward Cullen" . Yeah another five minutes of my fucking life i'll never get back. What a fucking waste of time.

Candy Corn shoes? You really have lost your twi-rob ever loving fucking mind. Maybe you should look back in your last google search for where you may have fucking left it? I'm sure you MIGHT find it there. Heaven knows you fucking need it. Along with all the other pricks who read this fucking garbage.

The rest of this shit is just that. SHIT its not even worth commenting on.


And what I especially loved after this horrible comment was all of you who defended me and the Rob porn corn!

jrieggs said...
Why would you read a Twilight blog if you don't like Edward Anonymous? Eww.

mmMoxie said...
If it took 5 minutes to read this post, Anonymous must have been staring at the picture of the "cornbrator" for 4 of them.

(Molly) Twinatic said...
ah, haters, you crack me up!!!

I like that they took time to write out a long comment that addresses specific details, but, couldn't come up with anything intelligent to say so they just laced with a lot of 'fucks' and then couldn't man up to the comment and left it under 'Anonymous'

Yeah, that's a big man(or woman) right there!

(plus, how would you even end up here unless you were searching for twi things, or following you on twitter? I think it's like homophobes being such haters because they're gay and don't want to admit it, twimophobes are just closet mega fans and can't live with it!)

One Pushy Fox said...
Ok, 1) flamer, seriously??? During BlogoWriMo???? Piss off, idiot!


And then there were those of you who liked the anonymous hater comment:
Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...
I'm so proud of you FC! You got your first hater! You corn loving whore!!! I LOVE YOU!!

Rob's Swiss Miss said...
1) I'm with Susie...you're moving up the ladder if you're attracting flaming haters. Kudos!


Well, I want to let you all that I went to my ISP and tracked down this anonymous hater. Seriously, I have stalker tendencies people. And guess who's not so anonymous? It was sjAimee! I guess you all missed our tweets the other day about how you really haven't arrived until you get haters. So, I guess I have now arrived...thanks for hatin' sjA! Love you!


P.S. - sjAimee was joking in her anonymous comment, so please please please don't go hatin' on her
blog...unless you think she can roll with the big dogs.

BlogoWriMo Day 11 - Smokin' Hawt

This post will hopefully redeem myself for the corn post yesterday. This is for you Amcas. Thank you for all of the pics. Take a gander at her blog for some Robliciousness. Just a warning: smoke kills.























I am died.