Share our love of handbags, books, and all things gossip...okay, and Twilight too.

We're two delightfully crass gals who spend an inordinate amount of time texting and e-mailing one another throughout the day. We've decided to expound on some of our best work. Please to enjoy.

How Does This Relate to Vamps?

I've really gotten behind on my gossip and decided to peruse US Weekly this morning. And what did I find besides Jon Gosselin's douche status being confirmed over and over again? A little ditty from the Backstreet Boys. Apparently they are coming out with a new CD in October *FC jumps up and down and squees just a little*. So of course I decided to watch the new video and this is what I saw (sorry, embedding is disabled, but if you click the pic it will take you to the vide on YouTube).

Now, I heart vampires in a big way just like the rest of you, but after watching this video, I started to smell desperation. The title of the song is Straight Through My Heart, so I guess with the vamp theme they are going for the stake through the heart deal. Somehow this just seems like they are reaching. Maybe they are trying to tap into the mature Twitard market since we were teenagers when the BSBs were cool. I give the video 3 out of 5 mehs. Seriously, they needed to throw in some sparkle action and/or some hot, shirtless vampire guys. Oh and in the whole video the boys aren't vamps, but wait for it...warning, spoiler ahead, at the end they are!

I raise my bottle of Diet Mtn Dew to the boys and wish them well on their comeback (isn't this like their second one?). Not sure if they will warrant their own cruise or anything (like NKTOB), but if they come anywhere near where I am, I will totally go to there. And perhaps in their next video they can get on the rolled up skinny jeans train and writhe around on stripper poles like Miley (seriously, when did rolled up skinny jeans become a trend?).

Look...I'm Famous!

A few weeks ago I received an email from someone who stumbled upon our humble blog here and requested an interview. An interview with moi? Apparently she was interested in my Kindle reading habits. Long story short, since I'm an attention whore I totally did the interview and have been waiting eagerly for the article to come out online. So check it out here.

Yeah, that's the story right below some stuff about Obama, the cast of 30-something being in their 50s, some chick who slept with Bernie Madoff, and some story about Muammar Gaddafi. While I'm a little bummed that the blog wasn't mentioned, I'm pretty psyched. I mean, I totally got one of those cool quotes in the middle of the story!

Oh, and on another note about famous people, I saw Robert Irvine from Dinner: Impossible (it's on the Food Network) in the airport this afternoon. Yeah, he looked exactly like he does in this picture. Tight black shirt and everything. I was quite shocked because I was all the way in terminal E in Charlotte (it's where they send planes to die), and I never would have thought he would be flying in one of those little prop planes.
Absolutely no one looked like they recognized him. So what do I do? I whipped out my iPhone and tried to get a pic...crappy camera...he was too far away. So then I decided I would just walk right over there and introduce myself and try to get a pic. But wouldn't you know they called my zone and I wasn't going to let anyone get on the plane and take up my overhead bin space. Alas, no picture with a somewhat disgraced tv chef. Oh well. What does this experience tell me? I know I would totally have the guts to go up to Jackson Rathbone with Memory_Jean and ask him If You Seek Amy. Hehe. Although, my stomach kind of felt yucky after the Robert Irvine I might throw up on him. Oh well!

How Winning the Mega Millions Would Change My Twi-Life

With Mega Millions fever running rampant across much of the US...okay perhaps it's only a fever in my head...I've given a lot of thought in the past couple of weeks to how winning this massive jackpot would or wouldn't change my life. And by massive, I mean $252 big ones with a capital M. Sorry for all you Powerball ticket hit the $260 million jackpot last week. Anywho, I've gone through the normal list of things to do:

  1. Hire a personal driver. Yes, this has been my dream basically since my 18th birthday when I was handed the keys to a car and thus apparently became responsible for my own transportation. I hate driving. I wish all the stupid drivers (you know you are: the people who drive under the speed limit in the left-hand lane, the people who do not signal when turning, the people who are too busy talking on their cell phones, texting, reading, eating, or otherwise engaged in an activity not condusive to driving) would just get off the road already and let me clip along at 90 mph. I think a personal driver would make perfect sense, and yes, it would be the first thing I would do.

  2. Make Mommy FC retire. And how do I propose she break the news to her coworkers? I'd have her roll up to her place of business with a bunch of Costco sheet cakes all emblazoned with this slogan: "Toodaloo motherfuckas!" Too much? Perhaps, but I would certainly get a kick out of it. *To explain this proverbial middle finger to her employer, Mommy FC is a prolific baker. Her cakes, breads, and cookies are highly sought after in her workplace. Growing up as a child was tough in the FC household. We would have to smell and see these wonderful tasty treats being made on a weekly basis for meetings, birthdays, and just because. Then they would be whisked away by Mommy FC saying that these are "for work." So yeah, they get Costco sheetcakes, which frankly are super-tasty and probably still too good for these people.

  3. Pay off the credit card, the car (only 8 more payments and it's all mine!), the mortgage

  4. Take a month-long vacation with Bitches and Mr. Bitches and buy lots of purses (Aspen Food and Wine festival anyone?)...and Mr. Bitches can bring a friend to go to basketball games and whatnot with.

  5. Build a cell phone tower receiver thing on my roof...seriously...why do I have to walk outside to get cell phone reception?

Those are the immediate concerns. Obviously I would have to think about the rest of my family, but that's boring, so let's move on to what I began thinking about today. How would my Twi-life change? I was making my bed and was kind of shocked that I hadn't thought about this subject before. Twilight has become such an integral part of my life. From the blog to Twitter to vacationing with Pocket Edward, I would have so much to gain by winning the Mega Millions. Just think about it for a minute...gone would be the tweets, "RL calls, bbl" or "gotta make dinner" or "need to go to work." Okay, well, maybe not the "RL calls, bbl" tweet because Lord knows that massuer out by the pool can't wait for you all day and meetings with your personal shopper must be taken. However, I was able to come up with a few Twi-related purchases that would definitely enhance my Twi-life.

  1. A nice shiny volvo

  2. A kiss from Robert Pattinson...for charity of course!

  3. Plane tickets (first class of course...or maybe a private jet) to Forks...time for a little field trip

  4. Those creepy looking Tonner dolls

  5. Bitches and I will definitely be getting the VIP package to all of the Twi-conventions

  6. And Memory_Jean and I will totally become groupies for 100 Monkeys

Ah, just thinking about all of the time that I could spend blogging, tweeting, reading fanfic, and learning how to do proper photo manipulations so that I can put my face convincingly over KStew's in all couply pics with RPattz, makes me jizz in my pants just a little bit. Perhaps I would even embark upon writing my own fic (Tasha, you know the one).

So I will leave you with this final thought in closing. If you won millions, what would you do to make your Twi-life better?

Twilight and That 70s Show

Ever wonder what Twilight might have looked like had it been filmed in the 70s? No? Well, too bad because this video is going to show you.

SMVGREY's videos have totally captivated me this week...especially her recent Eric video. And if you don't know Eric, you should watch it (hint...he's the hottie in True Blood that I totally want to lock in a room, well, I'm not going to divulge all the details of that particular fantasy). Anyway, she has some other cool Twilight vids as well as a plethora of True Blood vids. Check them out and show her some love!

Pocket Edward Does NYC: Part Deux

As FC told you all yesterday, we took a girls trip to NYC this past weekend. The girls had been forewarned weeks in advance of Pocket Edward's presence during this trip and advised he would be whipped out at a moments notice to document his journey to the city. They were surprisingly welcoming of him and even offered suggestions.

On Saturday, we stepped into FAO Schwartz. I say stepped because we literally "stepped" in and out of the store. We bailed while the other gals shopped & power shopped our way through the Apple Store & Bergdorf Goodman's. We didn't last long in Bergdorf Goodman's since we were rather offended to be trailed by 3 security guards. Come on, don't we JUST look like the type that would stop in and pick up a few 5K bags? Hmph. Anyhow, PE rather enjoyed his 2 minute stop in the toy store.

While we were snapping away, a grown chick walked by and actually squealed to her boyfriend, "Look, it's Edward Cullen!"

We also stopped by the NBC Store in Rockefeller Center. PE was rather excited to see Matt Lauer and begged for us to take his picture with him. He's a lot taller than I'd imagined.

I think FC may have been grabbing Matt's ass.

No trip is complete without frolicking through Central Park. Yes, that is me cheesing it like the psycho freak I am.

PE was feeling rather frisky and was copping a feel of my boob. I didn't mind. I liked it.

PE had no part in the following images you are about to view. We found ourselves with some time on our hands and since I have no shame, the following events kept us entertained. If you have a weak stomach or you're easily horrified by 80's apparel, please do not look at the following pictures. Please to enjoy.

What terrified me the most about this get-up was that Mr. Bitches was mildly turned on by it. *shudder*

You may have seen me on the street corner in Times Square working as a Lady of the Night.

As we all know, FC is OBSESSED with unicorns. I think she can literally spot one in a mile radius. So, NYC was no exception. She jumped up and down like a three year old when she saw this gem.

I'm thinking Christmas pressie.

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Pocket Edward Does NYC

This past weekend Bitches and I went to NYC with a 6 other hawt chicas. It was a big group and while they all know about our Twilight obsession, none have been successfully converted. That's a fail, I'll admit it, but I'm going to lay all the blame on Bitches. She sees these girls every Thursday night while I battle through airports. Anyway, the girls were quite accepting of Pocket Edward and our zany picture taking, and from checking out their pics of us taking pics of PE on Facebook today, it was a highlight of the trip.

We had to stop and get a picture with this amazing likeness of PE. The vendor hurried over to see what all of the hub-bub was about since there were 8 girls all circling this one picture with cameras and an action figure. I couldn't really tell if he was concerned or amused.

We visited the NBC store and went a little crazy. Neither of us watch Heroes, so we don't really know who this guy is, but Edward could totally kick his ass. I mean, the guy's name is Claude and he has a bird. Unless the bird can read minds and snap through steal with his beak, Edward wins.
Bella decided that she could take on this chick in the wife-beater. Can anyone tell me why she has and extra head? It's kinda disturbing. A guy came over while we were taking pictures in the store and totally felt that the Heroes figures were better than PE...ha...whatever!

Screen lickers unite!
And then Edward decided to do some licking of his own. I'm not sure what drew him to Smurfette, but she is pretty smurfy. Things started getting a little out of hand and we had to make a quick escape back to the t-shirt section.

I want to go to there!
Edward decided to do a little rock climbing in Central Park. He was happy to be in the outdoors after being followed around Bergdorf Goodman's by not one, not two, but three security guards.

Edward was eager to mingle with the ladies in Times Square. Unfortunately he thought the sign for the Virgin store was a place he could find actual virgins...heh, yeah, no.

All in all, everyone we met while taking pictures with PE was very receptive and helpful. Bitches has some more pictures in places like FAO Schwarz...yeah, we bring our own toys to the toy store. Heh. I'm already looking forward to all of the amazing pictures that I can take on my vacation in Florida...yay!

Some More Tastiness...

Like how I didn't tell you what kind of tastiness? Yeah, it's not Rob tastiness...

I can't believe I never saw this before. Shhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn the non-believer!

Guest Post and Peace Out Yo!

fanart manip by Angela at Lion_Lamb LJ

In case you missed the ad on the right side of the screen, I did a guest post this week (thanks Cutes!). And now you know why I neglected WBPH this week. Sorry peeps...please come back! My visitor counter is suffering withdrawals! Check it out because I did an awesome job...and really, I'm being modest. I could really go on and on about how great this post is. I have already received threats from the other guest bloggers because they are so jealous of my mad indentation and italicization skills. If you don't go and read it AND comment, I will rain down my crotch fire upon you. BEWARE!

Additionally, Bitches and I will be traveling to NYC this no new blog posts until Monday (possibly Sunday if you are good). If you see two girls licking the ass of the bull statue on Wall Street and fondling his balls...yeah, that was us. The Edwards (...and Bella too, meh) will also be going (some will be traveling in business class...others will be back in coach *cough* Bitches *cough*). Check back for hilarious pics next week. TTFN!

More Emails from the Edge

Two nights ago, I was working hard on a post (not for here, for here) and needed a break. Being the good daughter that I am, I decided to email Mommy FC. This is what I sent her:

From: FC
Sent: Wed 8/12/09 12:16 AM
To: Mommy FC
Cc: SIL FC; Bitches
Subject: Mommy Dearest

Mom, I feel that I have given you plenty of time to get used to the blog, and I have left some subtle hints about how you now need to read The Saga and come into the fold or else. I was able to infect Bitches, SIL, my boss, and countless others indirectly with my Twi-mania, and since it is a mere 100 days until the New Moon premiere, I must insist that you read at the very least Twilight on your Canadian Rockies trip. You'll have plenty of boring airplane time to devote to the cause. I would even venture to say that you will probably zip through the book and may need to lend it to Aunt FC.

I'm going to speak for SIL FC and the niece when I proclaim that you must read Twilight and New Moon before Thanksgiving (when I will be home and we will all trek to the cinema and shell out tens of dollars to see this movie for at least the 4th or 5th time). Please be on the lookout for a package from Amazon. Believe me, you will thank me later. And in case you think you are the only bloggy Mom being forced to read The Saga, think again:

The Reluctant Twitard

On another note...I have decided to reclaim my Twiginity and will not be watching any movie trailers, interviews, or set-stalking pics. I fear I may have ruined New Moon for myself by watching everything available on the interwebs over the past few months, so I have vowed that Eclipse will be different. I want to be able to enjoy it like I did Twilight...pointing out every single thing that wasn't in the book. I hope that you will all support me in not being spoiler bunnies. Bitches is taking bets on how long I will last...she doesn't even give me until the end of the month.

And, yes, I realize that perhaps I have lost my sanity, but at the very least, it's been entertaining right? I'm burning the midnight oil literally doing a guest blog post and needed a break. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Oh, and mom, the Twitarded post does have spoilers, so you may not want to read the entire thing.


Well, it's been 2 days...and nothing. Either Mommy FC is planning a Twintervention or I have stupefied her with my twihardedness. So I emailed SIL FC to get the goods on the situation on the home front this morning. Apparently, this is what Mommy FC had to say:

From: SIL FC
To: FC
Sent: Thu 8/13/09 7:57 AM
Subject RE: I blame you again‏ <--this is for introducing her to The Submissive and The Dominant and put the NSFW warning on there...and of course she read it at work!

She mentioned the email to me. She was confused. Her words were, "I received this really bizarre email from FC." I started laughing. She said, "she wants me to read those books but the niece would never lend them to me." I replied, "mom she is sending them to you via amazon." She was like, "Oh. Well, whatever." I told her it was only fair for her to have to read them, since she narked me out to you and you force fed them to me, lmao!

Somehow I don't think, "Oh. Well, whatever," was the appropriate response. *clasping hands together evilly* Mommy FC may be getting a mini-E delivery to her place of work one of these days. Mwuhahahahaha!

And for all of you who would also like to join the spoiler-free zone, here's some inspiration courtesy of

Let Google Search Help You!

After a long bloggy absence (okay it's only been since Saturday), I come back today stronger than ever. Okay not really. I just totally ripped off the idea from here because I have a lot of work to do and don't have the time or energy to be original. Sorry peeps.

So you know how when you type stuff in the Google Search and it prompts you with possible queries? If not, go to Google and try it, after you read this blog of course fool! Here are some mighty interesting searches for sure.

I understand all of the doomsday stuff, but check that out...we twi-hards must have our Twilight DVDs! It's certainly more important than finding out when the recession will end but slightly less important than finding out when you will get your tax refund. Here's why: lots of peeps needed the refund to go and purchase said Twilight DVD.

People want to know where the vice president lives only slightly more than they want to know where Robert Pattinson lives. Hmmm...very interesting. I can't understand the Miley Cyrus inquiry, perhaps it's all of the middle-aged stalkers she has.

TMI alert! I have googled "why is my poop green." You'll have to google to find out why it turned green. And now I totally need to understand "why is a raven like a writing desk." Sounds like some crazy-ass English assignment that the kid was hoping to copy from the interwebs.

"How does Twitter work?" Not very well the for the past week. And I would also like to know how David Blaine levitates...he is the spawn of Satan...seriously, he is creepy. Maybe if he dated Cameron Diaz it would bring his creepiness level down to defcon 3.

You seriously don't know what "if you seek Amy" means? Still? Even after the Britney song? You probably are the same person who doesn't understand what "sofa king awesome" means either. Here's a hint...just say it fast...and if you still don't get it, then it's probably something you don't do very often.

"She's more important than the antichrist and Lady Gaga..."
"What is, who is Robert Pattinson dating?"
Ding, ding, ding! "You are correct. Make your next selection."
"Thanks Alex, I'll take crazy Google searches for $400."

Thanks for joining the studio audience. Here's a lovely parting gift for you.

Jackson Rathbone: A Tribute

I have made my first foray into the world of video. And since iMovie was so easy to use, I may be doing this again. I have dedicated this video to the future Mrs. Jackson Rathbone, Memory_Jean (which of course is hotly debated nightly on Twitter). Please be kind...or don't...I'm still hoping for my first hate mail. Without much further ado, please to enjoy!

I'll take a couple tickets to ride if you don't all mind. I will be leaving you all now to crank up the A/C because I'm a hot mess. Thanks for watching!


So rant Wednesday is going to be rant Thursday. After spending hours deep in code and just usual computer grossness, I wanted to take a break and catch up with the TWI-tter friends. At 10:30 AM I checked my TweetDeck and what do I see? No new tweets since 9:02 AM. So I didn't freak out right away because sometimes this happens, and rebooting the app usual fixes it. Reboot and nada. O!M!G! Seriously, this tehsuckzors. Still needing to get my social fix (I work in a cube in the far corner of the office where no one ever comes to see me), I hopped over to Facebook. No dice, it was being a bitch too. So now what the hell was I supposed to do? Not wanting to interrupt my XM radio on my iPhone, texting was out (seriously, can't someone fix this problem?). So, I went back to the old I know, yuck, right? So here's a sampling of the hundreds of emails I sent out today.

From: FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:40 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in

OMG...finally finished my mind-numbing report work and WTF do I find on TweetDeck? No new tweets since 9 AM. Then I try to go to Twitter and either the man is blocking it now or Twitter is having a major fail. I'm trying to do TweetDeck on my iPhone and it's getting nothing. I'm really hoping this is a Twitter problem and not me working at the suckiest place on earth.

From: FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:41 AM
Subject: RE: Just checking in‏

Okay, just found this, so I can stop freaking out...well sort of.

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:43 AM
Subject: FUUUUCK!‏

Twitter is down and I am freaking out!

From: FC
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: Just Checking in

and now FB is being a bitch and I can't update my status...kill me.

From: FC
To: sjAimee
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:00 AM
Subject: Hey

Since I got pulled into mind numbing work last night and totally lost your email, I am going to start over today with a new email since Twitter and FB are both being bitches. I am rewarding myself with some email time because I just spend 2.5 hours on more mind-numbing work this morning.

Anyway, I found myself humming to some Jonas Brothers song and I looked over at my Robward pic and he actually sneered at me. Okay, perhaps I have been working too hard.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 14:54:30 +0000
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!

What are you going to do!? Work?!?! : D I thought it was just me & my phone since I also couldn't bring up the link to Wide Awake.

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:02 AM
Subject: Re: FUUUUCK!

No, twitter is down and they don't know why. FB is being a bitch too and I can't update my status with anything witty about how lost I feel without Twitter and now only have stupid FB. And just so you know, I have been hard at work all morning. I didn't even notice that Twitter wasn't working because I was so engrossed in my stupid stored procedure and Crystal report for like 2.5 hours. My brain hurts. And now I have to go do some other crappy shit. Boo.

From: FC
To: COD Widow
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:07 AM
Subject: Hey, it's me FireCr0tch‏

OMG...I'm starting to have the shakes about the whole Twitter situation. Glad you enjoyed the bad baby video. I was so psyched that it was online! And FB is being a bitch right now too. Aghhhh! Thanks for the comment. Work is killing me right now. I just spent 6 hours on 2 reports. SQL sucks sometimes. Okay, enough of my ranting.

From: FC
To: COD Widow; Cutie SSTB; riegerj; Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 11:13 AM
Subject: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

I'm kind of freaking out...and yes, I'm still emailing about it (and I don't apologize for slamming your inboxes full of my ranting). Twitter is suffering from a malicious attack and FB is being slow. I'm not lying. Check out:

What the hell am I supposed to do? I suppose I should go back to work, but I really needed a break after working for 6 hours on 2 measly reports (seriously riegerj, I hate Microsoft SQL and Crystal and want to kill myself). FML.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 15:50:52 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

I know I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but I am a tad amused...perhaps tonights post can be about how your survived, or didn't rather, the Social Network Apocalypse. It can be your struggles, the ups & downs you experienced and the general angst & withdrawals you felt.

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 12:02 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

I can't believe you are mocking my pain and want me to post it for sport. <--that was sarcasm because I know it may not come through that way

From: FC
To: Mr. Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 1:16 PM
Subject: I can't even comment on your comment on my status

because FB is still being a bitch...what is its problem...I mean really. And why is there no communication. I am over FB I think.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:34:32 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

How are you holding up? Are you sweating and shaking profusely like a crack whore on your 3rd day of sobriety? Are you under your desk curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth in a catatonic state mumbling "fuck my life" repeatedly... Or, perhaps you've gone a more violent route, hissing & screaming profanities at everyone in a 20 feet radius...

From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:45 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse‏

Of course's back least for now...TweetDeck wasn't working for a while and that sucked balls. I'm just trying to make it through the rest of the day.

From: Bitches
To: FC
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 19:49:59 +0000
Subject: Re: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

Hehe...glad to hear you've survived the Social Network Apocalypse of 2009. Heh . I just tried to bring Twitter up & its now working...hmmm...

‏From: FC
To: Bitches
Sent: Thu 8/06/09 3:52 PM
Subject: RE: It's a Social Network Apocalypse

I won't lie and say that there wasn't a 10 minute moment about 40 minutes ago where I was bobbing my knee up and down and chewing on my nails just wondering if my tweets were working.

So, yeah, I guess I am addicted to Twitter. I hope you enjoyed my lunatic ravings and some of the truly inspired replies I got from my peeps.

Love yous!
Gossip Girl...wait...WTF?

Rant Wednesday Or Not

Yes, it's Wednesday, my normal ranting time. I could go off on the douche bags at Hardees who took 20 minutes to prepare my burger and didn't give me any napkins after I specifically asked for some, or I could go off on the ass hats in the room next to me who sound like they are having a kegger with prostitutes, or I could go off on the complete fuckery that is Jon and Kate Gosselin and their misguided kitchen remodel and capturing dating escapades for their children to see on film. However, I am going to abstain and instead bring you stuff I find totally awesome this week.

  1. Cutie, her blog, and comment awesomeness - If you haven't checked out her Wide Awake discussion or her Masen post, what the heck are you waiting for?

  2. Annie and The Danger Magnet character discussions - This week's discussion is about Renesmee...yeah, I know...I totally want a shirt that says, "Demon Baby Like-It-Size Lover."

  3. Fan Fiction - Wide Awake, The Dominant, A Twisted Twilight Tale, and Breathe Me - If you have been reading fan fiction, what are you reading? I'm not going to start dealing the fic, but this is what I am enjoying right now.

  4. Memory_Jean and her hubby

  5. Amcas and her limitless Rob Porn collection - Whenever I need a wetRob, Darkward, or crotch porn pick-me-up, Amcas is there for me.

  6. Jeff Lewis and the "bad baby"

  7. Dog the Bounty Hunter - I can't really explain my love for Dog, but I can tell you that my cousing totally addicted with her FB statuses about how she watches it at 1 in the morning during break.

  8. XM Radio channel 29 - BBC Radio 1 - I heart British accents. And the British rap is super stupendous.

  9. Addicting another friend to The Saga

  10. True Blood and its men (not Bill, he's old and gross)

So, I hope you enjoy some of the things that I am enjoying this week. Love you guys, love your show.

Attention Network Execs!

I have come up with the perfect combination for a new TV series. Humor me for a few moments if you will. I think once you have heard me out, you will see the ultimate genius of my idea and immediately order 26 episodes for the fall season. I like to think of it as a Facts of Life remake.

Picture it, Miami Beach, Florida present day. A group of bad-ass teens (who are of course easy-on-the-eyes) attend boarding school in one of the hottest destinations in America. But this isn't just any group of teens, they are hard-living (drink Jack and Jose, no Cosmos for them and ride Harleys), trust-fund darlings who all have an important secret: they are offspring of some of the oldest vampire families in the world. And this isn't just any boarding school...they will be groomed to infiltrate the highest levels of society. But one woman alone seeks to destroy them. Let's follow the ups and downs of teenage life (think drug ODs, unexpected pregnancies, murder, and general mayhem in South Beach).

What I'm looking for is Gossip Girl but with a little more edge. Maybe one of the Olsen twins, Ali Lohan, Brody Jenner...the possibilities are truly endless. For the nemesis character, I'm thinking Megan Fox. People would like to see the shit kicked out of her on a weekly basis. Plus it will pull in the mae 18-34 demographic as well. I think Heather Locklear would be perfect as the head mistress (à la Mrs. Garrett).

I'm definitely feeling Pitbull's I Know You Want Me. I think he will be all in for a remix for the opening credits, no?

As remakes go, this will be even bigger than both 90210 and Melrose Place. I've pulled together the holy trinity of what is hot right now: Vampires+Boarding School+Miami = tops in the Nielsen ratings. I'm looking at you ABC Family...this is truly a "new kind of family" and would totally fit in with your programming (or at least put you head-to-head with the CW).
**Special thanks goes out to my girl Memory_Jean. You helped spawn this idea...let's make it a reality together!**

Oh the Suite Life!

Just when I thought I would have nothing to blog about today, turns out membership has its privileges. When I checked into my hotel this evening, I found out that I had been upgraded to a suite. Yeah, a suite. Obviously the little checker-inner people had no idea what they had just unleashed on the Taft Suite.

Welcome to my sitting room. Yeah, I'm totally rocking that leather sofa later. I'm thinking silk floor-length nightgown, champagne, and the pool boy feeding me grapes with my head lolled back on the arm of the sofa. Okay, well maybe not...I'll leave that to Pocket Edward and Bella.

For all of the times you have wanted to entertain a party of 6 in your hotel room, I bring you the dining room table. Ick...looks like Bella and Edward already got there.

I seriously tried to figure out how to turn the fireplace on...I can see the pilot light, but no dice. Ew! Pocket Edward and Bella are gross! Can't you two keep it zipped up for 15 minutes?

Hand-crank record player anyone? I'm totally getting down to the "Fair and Warmer" foxtrot later on tonight.

Check out the claw-foot tub. And let me just point out that this is the second bathroom. I'm not going to show you the pic of Pocket Edward and Bella in the tub...let's just say there was bubble-age and clothes all over the place...what a frickin' mess!

Oh, sweet baby Jesus! I have to sleep on that bed tonight! Yuck! Why do they always have to have three-somes in my hotel rooms?

Now I need to call maid service to come and sanitize the room. I'll sit here and watch one of my two TVs while I wait. And the Privacy Please hanger is totally going out tonight...

Twilight For Porn

After lurking around the blog for quite some time, a friend of Mr. Bitches made a request. He wanted to borrow Twilight so he could "see what all the fuss is about." After I recovered from shock, I decided there was no harm in lending out my precious possession. Then it occurred to me, this friend (who shall remain nameless) has quite the impressive adult entertainment collection and I have been in the market for some lately. I've just been too cheap and lazy to take the plunge and make a purchase. Yes, we are in possession of some *cough, cough* movies, but the quality leaves a lot to be desired and nothing kills the mood like a crappy picture or 80's hair. Both equally disturbing.

Mr. BItches doesn't understand what the problem is with 80's hair and probably see's nothing wrong with the above photo. .

So, I propositioned him, you lend me some good quality smut and you can borrow my precious Twilight. A deal was struck, and the other day I pimped out my DVD and in return have some good adult entertainment to look forward to and hopefully multiple unicorns! Everyone is happy...I'm happy, "nameless friend" is happy and even Mr. Bitches benefits from the deal.